There’s a Hollywood movie for every scenario you’ve ever thought of, and that’s one of the beauties of Hollywood. We decided to re-imagine some Hollywood movies in the Nigerian context and here are the ones we would pay anything to watch.
1. Alvin and The Chipmunks
But this would be Chike and the Bush Rats. Imagine you walk into your kitchen and you see three bush rats eating your leftover bread. As you reach for a broom to try and kill them, one of them turns and shouts “Stop!” Yeah, that movie would have taken a different turn because you already know that a pastor is coming on scene to exorcise the house.
2. Taken (1,2,3)
This father won’t have had to lift a muscle to find his daughter. The Nigerian Police would find the girl at the end of the movie because the kidnapper would run mad and begin to confess after his juju failed. To God Be The Glory.
The titanic would have gotten where it was going. You know why? Because once the captain said “Not even God can sink this ship”, someone would have taken it up and said “Brethren we have to pray. THIS MAN HAS BLASPHEMED THE NAME OF THE LORD”. God would forgive them, the ship would have stayed afloat, roll the credits.
4. The Sound of Music
You think Maria would have run back to the convent when she realized the rich, retired widowed captain was falling for her in a Nigerian movie? No. She would have gone to strengthen the love with Jazz.
Oh and the other woman that the captain was engaged to? It would have been war.
If Alan had seen the Jumanji board game in a Nollywood movie, he would have left it where it was. If he took it, he would have been labelled greedy and everything that happened to him would have been his fault. It would have been “Moral of the movie: Don’t touch what you don’t know”.
6. Fast and Furious
More like Slow and Frustrated. Shooting this on Lagos roads would be hilarious to watch.
7. Home alone
After the first prank the kid pulled on them, the thieves would have gotten the hell out if that house. Nobody wants to mess with an ogbanje.