I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about how many Nollywood protagonists get away with doing stupid shit because they suddenly remember – at the movie’s climax – that God exists and rush to church for a hot deliverance session.

I’ve thought about this so much that I’ve decided to call out these fictional characters and drag them for filth because I hate nonsense behaviour.

1) Andy Okeke from ‘Living In Bondage.

Andy, right before he makes the decision to sacrifice his wife at the altar of satan for a shit load of money.

Andy “Motherfucking” Okeke (Kenneth Okonkwo) has a good life. He has a loving wife, Merit (Nnenna Nwabueze), who adores him and he has no problems with employment (he talks about getting and quitting 5 jobs when the movie starts). But Andy wants more. He wants endless supplies of wealth so he can rub shoulders with his friends. So he ends up using Merit for money ritual.

Pissed because she was his ride-or-die and still got sacrificed, Merit’s angry spirit begins haunting the shit out of Andy, La Llorona style. When it seems like Merit’s spirit is about to get the revenge she deserves, Andy is taken to a church. A half-assed deliverance session later, all his sins are forgiven, which I can only assume leaves Merit’s angry spirit even more pissed of because what the hell is she supposed to spend eternity doing now?? #JusticeForMerit

2) Dolly from ‘Missing Angel‘.

Dolly, straddling a dude who couldn’t possibly be (and act) less human.

I understand that constantly hustling and yielding nothing is super frustrating, but leave it to Dense Dolly (Stella Damasus) – the protagonist of 2004’s Missing Angel – to wish death upon herself if she hasn’t made it by her 25th birthday. Dolly’s life does turn around before her 25th birthday (she wins the lottery) but unfortunately for her, Satan took her up on her stupid vow and decided on a no take-back policy. He sends his angel of death (Desmond Elliot) to collect her soul, who shows up and slowly infiltrates her life for some reason.

However, Dolly meets the angel of death, likes what she sees, and then HAS SEX WITH HIM, despite him being absolutely terrible at pretending to be human. When she figures out who he is and why he’s there, she gathers her family and friends in a church to cast and bind. The only reason Dolly doesn’t get dragged to hell is that the angel, having caught feelings for her, decides to sacrifice himself in her place.

3) Chidi fromDiamond Ring‘.

Piece of shit privileged asshole, Chidi, has everything. His father is loaded AF and is willing to give him anything he wants. Yet, this idiot still goes to university and joins a GRAVE-ROBBING CULT, causing the spirit of the woman whose crypt he pillaged, to curse him with a serious illness. To save his life, his family has to travel halfway across the world looking for the dead woman’s diamond ring he stole and sold. After that, she makes them retrieve her casket (that someone else stole) and gather her children who hate her (and each other) so she can talk to them one last time.

Fuck Chidi.

4) Nnamdi Okeke from ‘Living in Bondage: Breaking Free’.

Nnamdi Okeke (Jide Kene Achufusi) is dirt poor when Richard Williams (Ramsey Nouah) shows up out of nowhere and starts showering him with money and opportunities. In one scene that showcases their strong sugar daddy/sugar baby dynamic, Nnamdi says this naive shit:

And Richard ominously replies with this:

But Nnamdi has clearly never seen 1997’s ‘Devil’s Advocate’. Because he willingly joins a cult and is somehow shocked when he’s asked to sacrifice someone he loves, even though he witnessed a human sacrifice during his initiation. It just makes you wonder what he expected would happen after joining the discount Illuminati.

As a prize for getting to the end of this, here’s a version of the above scene edited to prove my point that Richard and Nnamdi’s interactions had sugar daddy/sugar baby energy:

I rest my case.

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