What would you do if you knew you’d die tomorrow, and everyone was obligated to fulfil all your wishes? This question sets the stage for Netflix’s Elesin Oba: The King’s Horseman, an adaptation of Wole Soyinka’s classic play, Death and the King’s Horseman.
While the film’s title character, the Elesin, makes some big mistakes as the story unfolds, we can’t help but wonder about all the things we would do if we had the Abobaku privileges he had.
Try all the creamy pasta in Lagos
Imagine eating all the creamy pasta you can manage without emptying your bank account and your parents’ pension too? As the Elesin, you can ask all the restaurants to bring the most expensive pasta for food tasting in your house.
Have your face on the new naira notes
Word on the street is Meffy baby and the Central Bank team are launching an arts and craft department to redesign the naira notes out of boredom. Even though the naira faints every two to three days, having your face on it is a good way to be remembered. Just make sure it’s on an important note, like the ₦500 or ₦1k, because the others might go out of circulation soon.
Change your university result to a first class
It’s never too late to say you graduated from university with a first class. Do results matter in the afterlife? I highly doubt it. But who cares? You’re still a first class student and that’s on period.
Hang out with the Otedolas on their yacht
Not everyone gets to hang out with Daddy Cuppy AKA Femi Ote$. For once in your life, you’ll get to eat like, and with, a billionaire. If you ever get tired of rich people gist, you could easily bounce Otedola and invite your friends instead.
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Organise a special concert with your faves
Imagine a music concert featuring Wizkid, Burna Boy, Tiwa Savage and Davido. Not only will it be free, but it’ll also be private, with the artists actually showing up on time and singing live just to honour you. This is what people mean when they say, “Celebration of life”.
Demand for the presidential candidates’ real ages
This one is not for you; it’s for the Nigerian people. How can a politician who’s been in politics since our grandparents were in primary school come out to say he’s just 70 years old? The maths is not mathing. Kindly take one for the team and force these politicians to submit their original birth certificates so we can know who’s who ahead of the elections.
Hold a pageant to choose a new spouse
Why settle for an average person when you can host a beauty pageant and select the winner as your husband or wife? You only die once, so make the best of your upcoming death.
Erect life-like statues in every state
What’s the difference between an Elesin and a national hero? Nothing. As someone who’s dying for the people, you deserve to have your statue at the entrance of every state in the country, to remind everyone of your sacrifice.
Force Elon Musk to verify your Twitter account for free
We heard Elon Musk is about to charge people on Twitter to get verified. But as an Elesin, you don’t have to pay anyone $8 for a blue tick. Just tell Elon Musk to make it happen ASAP.
Imagine how different Elesin Oba: The King’s Horseman would’ve been if the Elesin had stayed in one place and slept until it was time to die. There’s no use doing anything crazy when you’re literally going to die the next day. Just relax, eat some ice cream and sleep.
Elesin Oba: The King’s Horseman is currently streaming on Netflix.
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