How To Be Gently Passive-Aggressive On Google Docs

June 26, 2020

This is based on a true-life story and a bit of paranoia. Recently, I’ve had to share a couple of Google doc links with my colleagues at work, and I couldn’t help but notice many opportunities to be passive-aggressive and annoying.

So, here I am with tea on how to intentionally do it to your own colleagues at work.

1) Ignore all their suggestions.

And restore the version before they ever edited it.

2) Reject all their suggestions.

And let their phone blow up with “(insert name) rejected 82 suggestions.” That’ll teach them not to mess with you.

3) Revoke edit access.

Then follow with revoking comment access. Especially if they are saying things you don’t like about whatever is in the document. Do it while you can see them making the suggestions so it’s like rapture.

4) Switch accounts.

Access the document link with your other email account so it shows up as “anonymous otter” or “anonymous pigeon” is viewing this document. That thing will drive them crazy. Especially if it’s a super confidential document.

5) Ignore all their comments.

If someone has been commenting, ignore it and start a conversation with another person entirely in the document. Pepper them!

6) Comment on irrelevant things.

Highlight a full stop or comma. Then click on add comment and type the second stanza of the Nigerian anthem there. Then close it with “treat as urgent.” That should surely leave them confused.

7) Delete your suggestions.

When you comment on a document, it draws a line on the corrected sentence. Now, go and edit your edit so that the whole document looks like the coloring book of a kindergaten student. Everything jaga jaga.

8) Always leave the document open.

Don’t shut down your laptop, even on weekends. Even when you eventually leave the company, keep it open. The ultimate big brother is watching. This is useful especially for junior colleagues so that it looks like you’re monitoring their every progress in the document.

Good luck to them! Now go forth and froth.

Hassan Yahaya

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