Everywhere I turn to; “How to be more productive”, ” The 4-hour workweek.”, “Deep work.

Everything seems geared towards making you some form of productivity machine that does the bidding of capitalism. No one caters to people like us who aren’t interested in all of these things and just want to sleep. People just trying to get from one day to the other.

Well, I flipped the switch and created a guide for us. Here’s how to mess up your productivity for the day.

1) Turn off all your alarms and sleep for extra “thirty” minutes.

Nothing beats that extra let me close my eyes small that results in you oversleeping and jumping out of bed in fear and rushing to work. Although the company is looking for reasons to sack you, don’t make 30 minutes lateness the reason they sack you. It’s fine if you are just like 29 minutes late sha.


2) Go on social media immediately you wake up.

Everyone says you shouldn’t pick up your phone immediately you wake up. I reckon that you should not only pick it up, but you should also do your Good Mornings on there. Then go over to Instagram explore page and be doing God when up and down until you miss the staff bus.


3) Lie down on your bed and ask why you were rushing to grow up.

See, you can’t afford therapy. So, every morning take as much time as you want as your own therapy. Ask yourself: “who send me message to grow up?”


4) Pick a fight with a danfo conductor.

If the conductor doesn’t greet you when you enter his death trap, pick a fight. When people try to beg you to calm down, increase your anger and keep shouting “don’t beg me ohh.” But from a reasonable distance free from the violence of the other party.


5) Trek to work as a form of exercise.

10,000 steps logged in. What is a car when God has installed in you the only car you need. Just buy water and handkerchief for this mission. Even better if you live in Lagos so you can blame the government for your decision to walk.


6) Set early morning meetings.

Nothing to ruin your day like meetings. Set up a meeting to discuss something that can be resolved via email. Ask loads of questions to make it drag. Set up another meeting to clarify the things you don’t understand from the last meeting. Before you know it, a whole day with meetings and you are still left with more questions than answers.


7) Read this article.

You already read this one, why not just continue by reading this one too. You’ll love it!

Odunlade Zikoko half-naked

If you like this, you can check out our new column titled ‘A Week In The Life Of” that documents the struggle of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and try to earn a living.

Click here to read the first episode about Odunayo, a keke rider. She shows us what it means to be a breadwinner, a chief, and a woman in a male-dominated field.

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Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.