As a Nigerian, you are definitely no stranger to the concept of money rituals. I mean, what’s unnatural about turning a whole fellow human being into wads of dollar bills? Normal level.
Does anybody get frustrated with their current financial situations and fleetingly (but surely) considers money ritual? No? Me neither. The point is, there are times when you’ve considered going diabolical so you can stunt on the haters on the Gram. #GoldenBoy. Here are 6 times the thought of turning people into a pile of cash has crossed your mind.
1. When you’re walking in the rain and a jeep splashes water on you
At this point, you’re just angry at yourself for being so poor.
2. When your girlfriend leaves you for her sugar daddy
This life no balance. On the upside, you can do the same when your blood money comes through.
3. At your school reunion
First of all, let’s get something out of the way: school reunions are just for flexing how much you have, nothing else. All that “you look great” is fake. They’re just scoping you. Stay woke.
4. When your car breaks down on Third mainland bridge
Wasiu Mechanic has told you 1,000 times that you need to buy a new fuel injector but you keep insisting on repairing it. Now its 10.30 pm and your car is coughing to a stop like it caught COVID and you’re wishing you just had one magic 100 million sitting in your account.
5. When your siblings are annoying you
Siblings are annoying, that is a fact. You can be nice and forgiving, but sometimes, the forbidden thought crosses your mind when they’ve vexed you the max. “If I use this annoying goat for ritual, will it be bad? At least he/she can be useful.
6. When you receive your peanut salary
You’re on Twitter and everybody is shouting about pay week and balling, but you can’t relate. The salary alert has entered but it’s a bit lacking in zeroes than you’d prefer. In this moment, just a little money ritual doesn’t seem so bad.
Since we’re on the subject of money rituals, check out Money Rituals Aren’t All Bad … Or Are They?