When most Nigerians hear ‘submissive’ in the context of a relationship, they envision a woman. However, this isn’t always the case. Many men are subs in the bedroom and many have embraced that and are living very happy sex lives. Over the past few weeks, I have spoken to several people I knew who were into BDSM and spoken to several Nigerian men on what it is like being a sub.
These are some of my favourite answers as well as some of the most insightful takes I got on what it is like being a Nigerian man and being a submissive.
I realized I was submissive totally by chance. When I started dating my ex, I didn’t have an inkling of the whole sub/dom thing and that a man could be submissive. Anyways, one day my ex kind of took control of the sex we were having, telling me what to do, and stuff. It was weirdly thrilling having someone else control what you were doing. It started from there and now I only like being involved with dominant women. For me, being submissive goes beyond the bedroom and BDSM and stuff. It’s in the woman telling me what to do, to stand up, to sit down, controlling when I am allowed to climax etc. Being dominated for me is great, it’s freeing to have someone else take control.
I realized I liked being dominated pretty early but I didn’t go seeking it because of shame. Tell a Nigerian woman you enjoy being submissive and watch her face squeeze in disgust. Luckily, I went to Canada for my Masters and there I got to explore the BDSM as well as the sub/dominant scene. I was able to hone in on what it was I liked. In Nigeria, it’s hard because even the women who are dominant in Nigeria either don’t know they are dominant/don’t even know how to do it. Anyways, I found a small but thriving sub/dom scene in Abuja and that’s where I met my current mistress. For me being dominated is just the way my brain is wired. Away from the bedroom, I’m pretty dominant but in the bedroom, control me, demean me, everything.
I kind of always knew I was a sub, to be honest. However, I didn’t know how much of a sub I was till a few years ago. I met someone who knew all the right buttons to press, all the right ways to push me. Part of the appeal of being a sub is doing things you know you shouldn’t do simply because you have been instructed to do them. I would stand while he is working and not look at him till he asks me to, I would wear what he wants me to, he dictated how sex works, when I’m allowed to climax etc. It’s so hot to me.
I’m a switch, in that I can dominate and be dominated depending on who I am with. For me, it’s chemistry. I can be with a guy today and want to dominate and be with a girl tomorrow and want to be dominated. I go with the flow on everything and allow how I and the person’s chemistry flows to allow it to determine where we’ll end up. But I particularly like being submissive because I think it requires a level of trust and when you have that, trust and believe that the sex is going to be the bomb.com.org.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity and privacy.