4 Nigerian Men Tell Us What It Is Like Being A Submissive

May 31, 2021

When most Nigerians hear ‘submissive’ in the context of a relationship, they envision a woman. However, this isn’t always the case. Many men are subs in the bedroom and many have embraced that and are living very happy sex lives. Over the past few weeks, I have spoken to several people I knew who were into BDSM and spoken to several Nigerian men on what it is like being a sub.

These are some of my favourite answers as well as some of the most insightful takes I got on what it is like being a Nigerian man and being a submissive.

Eric, 32.

I realized I was submissive totally by chance. When I started dating my ex, I didn’t have an inkling of the whole sub/dom thing and that a man could be submissive. Anyways, one day my ex kind of took control of the sex we were having, telling me what to do, and stuff. It was weirdly thrilling having someone else control what you were doing. It started from there and now I only like being involved with dominant women. For me, being submissive goes beyond the bedroom and BDSM and stuff. It’s in the woman telling me what to do, to stand up, to sit down, controlling when I am allowed to climax etc. Being dominated for me is great, it’s freeing to have someone else take control.

Patrick, 36.

I realized I liked being dominated pretty early but I didn’t go seeking it because of shame. Tell a Nigerian woman you enjoy being submissive and watch her face squeeze in disgust. Luckily, I went to Canada for my Masters and there I got to explore the BDSM as well as the sub/dominant scene. I was able to hone in on what it was I liked. In Nigeria, it’s hard because even the women who are dominant in Nigeria either don’t know they are dominant/don’t even know how to do it. Anyways, I found a small but thriving sub/dom scene in Abuja and that’s where I met my current mistress. For me being dominated is just the way my brain is wired. Away from the bedroom, I’m pretty dominant but in the bedroom, control me, demean me, everything.

Dapo, 28.

I kind of always knew I was a sub, to be honest. However, I didn’t know how much of a sub I was till a few years ago. I met someone who knew all the right buttons to press, all the right ways to push me. Part of the appeal of being a sub is doing things you know you shouldn’t do simply because you have been instructed to do them. I would stand while he is working and not look at him till he asks me to, I would wear what he wants me to, he dictated how sex works, when I’m allowed to climax etc. It’s so hot to me.

Bolu, 35.

I’m a switch, in that I can dominate and be dominated depending on who I am with. For me, it’s chemistry. I can be with a guy today and want to dominate and be with a girl tomorrow and want to be dominated. I go with the flow on everything and allow how I and the person’s chemistry flows to allow it to determine where we’ll end up. But I particularly like being submissive because I think it requires a level of trust and when you have that, trust and believe that the sex is going to be the bomb.com.org. 

  • Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity and privacy.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

May 4, 2020

A little over a week ago, we asked a few Nigerians to share their first sexual experience with us. We got a bunch of varied and relatable stories, but there was one story, in particular, that was so insane, we felt it needed a whole article to itself.  So, unlike a regular Sex Life story […]

August 26, 2020

Many people seem to have different ideas of what it means to be a man. Here’s our own addition to that list: 1) If you can’t fight off armed robbers. Without any weapon. 2) If you can’t kill a snake. Using only your hands. 3) If you can’t cheat quietly. Why must you always confess […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from Man Dem

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X