What is cheating to you? Is it physical? emotional? or in between? 9 Nigerian men tell us their definition.
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Oga M./Early 40’s.
A lot of people only classify cheating based on what they can see – A man leaves his wife to hang with another woman, sleeps with her and gets caught and they say it’s cheating. Yes, he has cheated but that’s only one aspect of cheating as far as I’m concerned.
If a man or woman breaks any of the laws governing marriage or relationship, then you’ve cheated. So, it’s way broader than sleeping with someone and getting caught.
Firstly, if a man spends a lot more time with another woman who’s not his wife. If he gives that woman attention and time (so much time), that’s cheating.
If a man thinks of another woman, mentally, psychologically, more often than he thinks of his wife, that’s cheating.
If a man mentally has sex with another woman. That is, he paints a mental picture of a woman he’s used to (probably, in the office or anywhere else), he has cheated.
If a man spends too much time on his phone texting another woman, flirting with a woman, sexting. Even though they haven’t done anything physical, that’s cheating.
A man is supposed to give his wife a hundred percent of his time, his attention, his body, everything. Once you break any of these laws, then you’ve cheated on your wife or husband; either with their knowledge or without their knowledge.
When you start allowing another woman call you baby, you’ve cheated.
Cheating starts the moment you indulge in activities with another person asides your partner, especially with ulterior motives. i.e Showing undue care and affection.
One thing guys do a lot without realizing is attention sharing. The moment you start excessive calling, texting and spending more time together with someone who’s not your partner, it might lead to physical cheating.
You must always define your relationship with people of the opposite sex so you don’t end up sharing attention. It can be a slippery slope.
Cheating is just compounding little things until they’re not so little anymore. From the usual attention, any buff person gets, to encouraging flirtatious comments. To entertaining that affection and nursing some of our own. Then to that inevitable crisis of conscience. It becomes full-blown when we justify the actions we intend to take and even trivialize their importance and resultant consequences. Next thing, we’re acting on these very natural desires. Sometimes, I wonder if cheating is inevitable.
Cheating for me is explicit texting and physical activities like kissing, making out, and then sex.
Beyond the idea of having emotional or physical/sexual relations of a romantic nature with other people, my definition of cheating is taking other people outside of the relationship as anything more serious than “entertainment.” I know people don’t like being called entertainment, but really, that’s what they are. At least that’s what you are when you become romantic with someone 100 percent in love with another person who is just bored at the moment. It’s all about passing time constructively. It only becomes cheating when you take it seriously.
When I’m bored, I flirt. I make some people feel loved while practising my romantic gestures. I don’t see it as cheating. Cheating has to involve sex and orgasms for me. So, if I don’t give a woman an orgasm, I haven’t cheated. I just tripped and fell in between her thighs.
Cheating is when you start to give wife privileges to your girlfriend. As long as everyone knows their place, you’re not cheating. In fact, your girlfriend is even making the relationship fun for everyone. Some of the things your wife can’t give you, you meet her for it. That way, you’re not cranky at home.
I see that one as helping. As long as everyone knows their place.
Cheating is when they catch you oh. Ole ni everybody and it’s who they catch that is the culprit. Till then, all of us are not cheating, we’re just keeping each other company. Or we are doing besties. 😍
Hello Zikoko fam, something is coming soon. A series for men by men about men.
Watch this space: