5 Nigerian Men Share How They Feel When They Hear “Men Are Scum”

March 15, 2021

Every so often, you see a tweet or hear someone quip the all-too-familiar phrase, “Men are scum.” It has become the unofficial tagline for the fight against the ills of the patriarchy. On this, men themselves are often divided on how to process this ubiquitous phrase. I asked 5 Nigerian men how they felt about it. Here’s what they had to say.

Dare, 30

I do have women around me a lot and I hear these things often. Mostly, it makes me feel embarrassed because I do know that men are, indeed, scum. Almost every woman I know has caught some form of stupidity from men. So it’s mostly embarrassment. But, you know, it also makes me think about how much better I could do within my circle or in my own little way by calling out dumb stuff men do. Instead of getting mad at it, I try to make sure that all the men in my circle are sensible and respectable people and they respect women and see them as human beings. I don’t feel personally attacked. Because I know that I don’t do those things that make men scum. 

Paul, 32

I just sigh and move on. I think it’s intellectually dishonest at best, mentally lazy at worst. In my personal life, I strive to never think or say things like “all men/women/tribe are…” because even if it feels good to say, it’s just not true and is an easy way to start accepting ridiculous generalisations. Generalisations that may go on to further negatively impact the way you view that group.

Mark, 31

I feel a very deep sadness when I hear it. First, because I understand why they say it. Nigerian men have definitely done enough to deserve our women’s anger and contempt. I also feel sad because it isn’t helpful. You get what you call into being. Women may have each other, but at the end of the day, men and women still need each other for a properly-rounded society. If men are trash, then all women have is trash. What do you do then, throw us all away?

When I hear women say “men are trash”, I feel sad because while it doesn’t help the conversation, men brought it on ourselves. I also think arguing with women who think men are scum is a bad idea. The appropriate thing any man who feels pressed should do is work to be strong and kind. A man who creates an environment where women feel safe enough to thrive. 

Daniel, 28

It’s a sentiment I completely agree with. From a man masturbating in public to a group of them sexually harassing a woman on a bike — all videos I saw on Twitter just this past week — It’s hard to deny the fact that men make life so much harder for women. 

I’m not interested in the generalisation because it’s unimportant. It’s ‘Not All Men’ until a woman is abused by a close friend or relative, then it becomes, “Why were you alone in a room with him?” I’m not narcissistic enough to treat something so broad and pervasive as a personal attack. 

Kunle,  21

As most people do, I deal with doubt, fear and insecurity. Every day, I come online and see some variation of “men are trash.” Because I belong to a certain gender, I’m presumed to be nothing worthwhile or a sexual predator until I actively try to prove I’m not. And Twitter seems to validate that statement. They tell me that if I’m not trash, I shouldn’t be offended by it. They tell you that men are known to hurt women, so it’s okay for the world to presume you’re nothing worthwhile.

I know I’m a good man. My family and friends feel safe around me. I strive to be a better version of myself every waking moment, but guess what? I have a penis so I should accept the negative tag and work on proving them wrong. Someone tweeted a bad experience with a man and rounded it off with “men are trash”. I was like, how am I responsible for this?

When I hear the phrase, I don’t feel anger or acceptance. I just feel like the world automatically hates me and I must live the rest of my life guilty until I prove otherwise, or be presumed guilty forever.

Have you taken this QUIZ: Can We Guess Your Age Based On Your Taste In Men?

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Olufemi Fadahunsi

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 3, 2021

Valentine is coming again and, as usual, Nigerian women a particular set of people are getting ready to furnish their men with the usual gifts we see every year. I’ve decided to save you the trouble and make a list of things Nigerian men don’t want to receive this year. If you really want to […]

November 9, 2020

It’s never too early to start thinking of Christmas gifts for your man. This year, make efforts to get, you know, actual gifts for your man (not boxers and singlets). Nigerian men deserve better, therefore, we’ve made a list of all the things you can get your man for Christmas this year. 1. A PS5 […]

September 22, 2020

Let me start off by saying this is not an endorsement of cheating. Some of you might make reference to my name and say “i AM noT sUrpRisEd a fEMi is saYiNg tHis”. Keep quiet. We heard you the first 500 times. Here, I’m not asking men to cheat.  In fact, I hate cheating. All […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 11, 2021

Today’s Man Like is Andy Obuoforibo, a 40-year-old politician and product manager. He tells us about how his father’s warmth and work ethic taught him the real meaning of masculinity, how his mother’s foray into politics influenced him to participate in politics and why he supports the LGBTQ+ movement as a Nigerian politician. When did […]

April 11, 2021

See ehn, nobody is a hundred percent “normal” and being weird can be cool or creepy depending on how you look at it. Let’s not argue sha. Take this quiz for a little moment of truth. QUIZ: How Rude Are You? Are you polite abi everybody should getawt? Take the quiz and we’ll tell you.

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

prayer house
April 10, 2021

As told to Mariam I travelled to Ilorin for an exam last week and on the bus, I rode in, I met Yoma*. Somehow the conversation of faith came up, and she told me she didn’t subscribe to the Christianity practised in churches. When I asked why, this is what she told me: I grew […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

More from Man Dem

April 11, 2021

Today’s Man Like is Andy Obuoforibo, a 40-year-old politician and product manager. He tells us about how his father’s warmth and work ethic taught him the real meaning of masculinity, how his mother’s foray into politics influenced him to participate in politics and why he supports the LGBTQ+ movement as a Nigerian politician. When did […]

April 7, 2021

If you’re a man and you can read this, there’s something here for you. What does your footwear say about you? We have the answers. 1. Sandals You’ve seen things in this life, and there’s no need to even bother looking good anymore. Life is more than fashion. You’re probably also 40+. 2. Chelsea boots […]

April 7, 2021

In 2018, Luke*, a 31-year-old content strategist, was working at a media startup that required him to put in a lot of hours — a job he describes as “mentally draining”. However, even when he could clock out, Luke refused to. ‘‘Some days, I would finish working early, but I’d refuse to go back home […]

April 6, 2021

As told to Femi. Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. I met Chris* in a Zikoko Clubhouse room while he was describing his experience with relationships as a polyamorous man. He had quite the story to tell. I […]

March 31, 2021

The Nigerian society can be quite conservative. While the majority of older Nigerians struggle to enforce these religious and colonial-era dictates, a new crop of men is questioning the norm by wearing hairstyles outside the usual low-cut and cleanshaven look. I spoke to five of those men about their experiences going against the grain in […]

March 23, 2021

Men, who are often considered the wreckers of relationships, are rarely considered as victims of heartbreak. I spoke to four Nigerian men about their experiences. Here’s what they had to say. Bayo, 27 I’m always the one getting broken up with, so I have plenty of break up stories. The first one dumped me for […]

March 22, 2021

I am personally very fascinated by the sugar baby and sugar parent relationship business model. I have read and also written several stories exploring it but typically from the perspective of the sugar baby. Prompted by a conversation with Zikoko’s editor-in-chief, I decided to start reaching out to the sugar babies I knew and asked […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X