As Halloween approaches, we thought to tell you the best ways to scare Nigerians. For your own sake, don’t try number eight.
Give them 24-hour electricity
If you give Nigerians 24-hour electricity, they’ll begin to think that the world is ending. Or that NEPA is about to not give them light for a really long time, and this is the rainbow before the storm (abi how do they say it?).
Offer them free food
Nigerians don’t collect free food from anybody but immediate family and close friends. Anything outside of that, they’d rather starve. Because to them, you’re a witch who wants to poison them, collect their destiny or initiate them into your group.
Stop them on the road to ask questions
Stop a Nigerian on the road to ask questions, and you’ll see the terror in their eyes. Once you try to stop them, they begin to walk fast while quickly replying to your question. Everybody dey fear kidnapping.
Borrow money and pay it back on time
Nigerians are used to the cycle of begging, getting upset and threatening the person they borrowed their money to get the money back. If you borrow money from them and pay it back on time, fear will catch them, and they’ll start making assumptions. Such as thinking you’ve done yahoo or robbed a bank to get the money.
Tell them fuel is scarce again
This causes instant headaches and spiralling thoughts about long fuel station queues, traffic and no light. They may even start to cry.
Put on the news
Even if all that is showing is cartoon or a comedy show, once Nigerians see that News channel, their hearts will start to beat fast. Because when it comes to this country, something terrible always happens that puts people on edge.
Send them a Whatsapp broadcast message
There’s still a large percentage of Nigerians that believe in WhatsApp broadcast messages that have no source. Let them see a forwarded message that says wearing slippers can cause cancer, which will be the end of slippers in most Nigerian households.
Say you had a bad dream
Nobody likes nightmares, but Nigerians take them very seriously. The moment you utter the “N” word, they’re calling their pastors, imams, ifa priests and co.
Tell them food has finished at an event
The fastest way to give a Nigerian a heart attack is to tell them that food has finished at an event. What do you mean food has finished? So what did they leave their house for? How will they eat?
Don’t serve jollof rice at an event
Ehn? No jollof rice? Do you want them to die?
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