Where do I start? Gerbilling, which is also known as “gerbil stuffing” or “gerbil shooting”, is a sexual practice of inserting small live animals into the human rectum to obtain stimulation. Some variations of reports suggest that the rodent be covered in a psychoactive substance such as cocaine prior to being inserted. (Source)
Let me explain it better: People grab rats, coat them with cocaine and stick them up their butts because they want to moan and scream. Don’t people fear God?
“Gerbilling” comes from the animal known as gerbil which is the animal reported to be used for this act. There have been no confirmed cases of this act being done and many people believe it’s a rumour, but I’m pretty sure nobody sticks a rat up their butt and then goes on to tweet about it like:
Also, if nobody ever does it, how do you explain the speed at which this woman answered this question on Family Feud? How is that the FIRST THING she “randomly” thought about in one second?
So as you might imagine, I have a few questions about this subject.
1. What the fuck?
A gerbil? A rat? Inside your bumbum? I can’t even begin to unravel all the layers of questions I have. The same rats we see in our houses and set traps for? The same rats that ate my birth certificate? Those same ones? You will now lie down and have them walk inside you because you want to say “Yes daddy.” Anybody who does this needs help. Intense help. Rat?
2. Who came up with this?
Who sat in their bed one sunny afternoon and thought, “Wait o, see how rats are just wasting, running around. There are better uses for this.” When his neighbours asked him what he wanted to use the rats he was chasing around for, he probably replied “I want to stick it up my butt”, and everyone started laughing. Now look what we have.
3. Who agrees to this shit?
What are the stages someone has to go through before they agree to stuff like this? Because I’m sure nobody begins to take off their pants excitedly when they hear “Oh shit, a rat!”
4. Do they train the rats for this?
Are these animals just automatically trained in the art of rectum pleasing? How do they know what to do when they get inside? Do they just vibe or they actually know where to go? Is there a School For Gerbilling Gerbils where they teach these things? We need clarity?
5. What if the rat doesn’t want to come out?
The rat has entered your rectum and now it thinks that’s the warmest and most comfy place in the world. It doesn’t want to come out. What do you do? What if it starts running upwards? What if it gets hungry? What if it’s claustrophobic and it starts having a panic attack? What if it had a heavy breakfast and now it needs to pee? Or poop? What if it is a pregnant rat that goes into labour? Do you see where I’m going with this?
If you thought I was going to miss out on this part, you are wrong. Pablo Escobar no do reach this one o. We’ve watched Narcos. Did you hear about anyone stuffing cocaine into their butts? Now we’re here talking about cocaine flavoured rats.
I hope that after all these questions, you can now see how crazy this thing sounds. Peace be unto you.