As everyone knows, we’re officially living in that shitty M.Night Shyamalan movie from 2008 starring Mark Wahlberg, which means that we have to stay home in an attempt to stop the spread of Miss Rona V.

Because of this, we asked 5 people to tell us what exactly they stocked up on before beginning to self-isolate. Here are their responses.

Astor, an appropriate age.

“Yes, me. I deserve to be a part of these things. Anyway, as a person who is very passionate about food, I bought a lot of food. Snacks (biscuits, juice, crackers), foodstuff (rice, beans, noodles, tin tomatoes, cereal, milk), and toiletries. You may have noticed that I didn’t mention spaghetti. That’s because some asshole(s) cleared the spaghetti section, along with the bread and eggs sections. Whoever you are, my prayer is that you jam your pinky toe on every piece of furniture you own, you fu –”

Desmond, 20

“I was pretty much all set when it came to actual foodstuff before all this started. What I did rush out to buy were snacks. You know, potato chips, chin-chin, crackers etc. And lots of alcohol. See, I have this nagging fear that this virus will mutate and start turning people into zombies and I do NOT want to be sober when I’m inevitably caught and eaten.”

Nneka, 32

“I have a whole family to cater for so when I went panic-shopping, I bought EVERYTHING. I hate to say this out loud but this self-isolation thing would’ve been much easier without children, which we have two of. 2-year-old twin boys. They’ve somehow gone through their Ribena supply. That’s their business sha. Because I am not going out when they start making noise. Brats. Please don’t add that. Or do. I don’t care. They can’t read. Oh, I also bought plenty of condoms. There is NO way I’m getting pregnant during all this. “

Veronica, 17

“Errrm. See ehn, my parents did all that. May God grant them long life because they keep coming through for your girl. I mean, they’re my parents and they have to come through. You get my point sha. Lol”

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