5 Great Public Places To Have Your Emotional Breakdown This Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2019

So, Valentine’s day is here again and like last year, you’ll be spending it alone. Now, you might have the urge to spend the day by yourself in a dimly-lit room drinking cheap burn-a-hole-in-your-throat type of alcohol while thinking about the fact that you still haven’t found love at your big age, and that’s fine.

 

But I have a better idea.

 

Spend the day by yourself drinking cheap burn-a-hole-in-your-throat type of alcohol while thinking about the fact that you still haven’t found love at your big age, but this time IN PUBLIC!

 

I even took the liberty of putting together a list of places.

1. Quilox

At Quilox, you can do your best Viola Davis crying impression in the middle of the dance floor and no one will notice you (or your snot) because they’ll be too busy dancing Zanku in a circle around you while intoxicated.

2. Elegushi

Cry as much as you want while swimming in the ocean. No one is going to ask why your eyes are red and swollen because they’ll assume it’s the effect of salt water. You might want to delay drinking till after the swim/cry session though because the last thing you want is to drown and get eaten by mermaids.

3. The Giant APC Broom In Abuja

This spot is perfect because seeing as you’ll be crying anyway, you might as well throw in a few extra tears for what the structure represents: the batshit crazy nature of our country’s politics.

4. Church

Preferably, a Pentecostal church. If anyone asks why you’re a blubbering mess of tears, blame it on the effects of the holy spirit going through you. If you decide to go with this option, get drunk before. Because hitting the bottle in church is generally frowned upon. 

5. Computer Village

All the people here are too busy trying to rob and/or scam you to worry about your sobbing so you’re good to go. Just keep your wits around you sha.

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

More from Inside Life

September 13, 2021

Occasionally, a television commercial that resonates with our essence hits the airwaves. In that instant, we almost always see a mirror image of ourselves in a few, well-assembled montages. This is the magic of effective communication. Goldberg’s all-new TVC was launched last weekend to herald the inaugural edition of the Goldberg Omoluabi Day. The word […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X