5 Great Public Places To Have Your Emotional Breakdown This Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2019

So, Valentine’s day is here again and like last year, you’ll be spending it alone. Now, you might have the urge to spend the day by yourself in a dimly-lit room drinking cheap burn-a-hole-in-your-throat type of alcohol while thinking about the fact that you still haven’t found love at your big age, and that’s fine.


But I have a better idea.


Spend the day by yourself drinking cheap burn-a-hole-in-your-throat type of alcohol while thinking about the fact that you still haven’t found love at your big age, but this time IN PUBLIC!


I even took the liberty of putting together a list of places.

1. Quilox

At Quilox, you can do your best Viola Davis crying impression in the middle of the dance floor and no one will notice you (or your snot) because they’ll be too busy dancing Zanku in a circle around you while intoxicated.

2. Elegushi

Cry as much as you want while swimming in the ocean. No one is going to ask why your eyes are red and swollen because they’ll assume it’s the effect of salt water. You might want to delay drinking till after the swim/cry session though because the last thing you want is to drown and get eaten by mermaids.

3. The Giant APC Broom In Abuja

This spot is perfect because seeing as you’ll be crying anyway, you might as well throw in a few extra tears for what the structure represents: the batshit crazy nature of our country’s politics.

4. Church

Preferably, a Pentecostal church. If anyone asks why you’re a blubbering mess of tears, blame it on the effects of the holy spirit going through you. If you decide to go with this option, get drunk before. Because hitting the bottle in church is generally frowned upon. 

5. Computer Village

All the people here are too busy trying to rob and/or scam you to worry about your sobbing so you’re good to go. Just keep your wits around you sha.

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