Here’s How You Can Get Free Kilishi In Abuja

February 1, 2021

When people hear that you’re travelling from Abuja, one of the first things that come to their minds is kilishi. Everyone knows Abuja has very good kilishi, but they don’t know how expensive it is so they keep asking you to bring some when you’re coming.

If you’re in this position, or you just want kilishi for yourself, here’s the hack to getting free kilishi that you didn’t ask for.

1. Dress nice

When you want to go and buy kilishi, dress like you are an IJGB trying to taste some Nigerian beef jerky for the first time. The fancier you look, the more “scammable” you seem. The fact is, no matter how you dress, you’ll still get free kilishi. The dressing just increases your chances of getting a shitload.

2. Go to Area 1 Complex

It’s better if you pull up in a fancy looking car or an Uber. The kilishi sellers will look at you approaching from your car and star licking their lips. Market don land.

3. Approach the kilishi area looking confused

Act like you’re still trying to figure out what is going on and you can’t even see that there’s a whole shopping complex filled with kilishi right in front of you. Walk slowly, press your phone, just look confused. They will come and meet you.

4. When they offer you “tasting”, say you don’t want

At this point, about ten people will approach you with huge chunks of kilishi, asking you to taste theirs and buy from them. You’re still looking confused, so you have to say you don’t want to taste. This will make them put even more pressure on you to taste. Make sure you follow these instructions carefully.

5. Collect one and taste it, say you don’t like it

This is bait for the rest of them to try to impress you with their superior kilishi. Taste it and say, “I no like am” with an accent. Even more sellers will rush towards you trying to convince you that you’ll like theirs.

6. Collect everything that comes your way

Begin to collect everyone’s small piece and take one bite each. Eat slowly and act like you’re contemplating on the taste. This will make the others try to convince you to taste theirs as well. They will bring more. At this point, you already have enough to take to your relatives in Lagos.

7. Complain when someone offers you a small piece

If someone offers you a small piece, say you don’t want it because that means the kilishi he sells to you will also be small. This will make the other people offering you small pieces change their ways and bring bigger pieces. Collect everything.

8. Ask for water

Tell them their suya is too hot. One of them will offer to buy you cold water. Collect it. It is your right.

9. Finally choose one

Whoever buys you water is the real OG. Follow him to his stand and buy some. N500 or N5000, whatever you want to do. Be alert though, some more people will come and offer you samples. Collect everything.

The catch here is that they’re giving you very little meat for outrageous amounts of money, so they’re willing to part with some measly samples just to convince you to buy from them.

10. Tell the seller to pack all the free kilishi you got

You definitely cannot finish all the samples you get on one spot, so tell your kilishi guy to pack it all for you in a separate pack. It could even be more than what you bought with your money.

11. Go home and enjoy

Make garri, put on your Netflix, and enjoy your life.

12. Repeat

Go again next week.


Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 20, 2020

For everyone who went to secondary school in Nigeria, there are common annoying and borderline traumatic experiences that link us all together. So, we gathered 13 of them to see if they’d trigger some equally funny and unpleasant memories. 1. Losing these weeks to exams: Your enemies have won. 2. When two seniors are giving […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

September 1, 2021

August is over, and here are some of our best quizzes from August. Enjoy: 1. QUIZ: Only Ajebutters Can Get 10/21 On This Quiz Some people like to form ajepako when they’re really ajebutter. Are you one of them? Let’s find out. 2. QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass […]

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X