19 Things That Are Too Real For Nigerians Who Grew Up Pentecostal

February 16, 2016

1. When you wake up on Sunday morning and you tell your mom you’re not going to church.

I cast out that spirit!

2. When the pastor calls for worship and you know you’re about to endure the same 5 songs again.

“Jehovah you are the most high…” x5

3. But then worship starts and you’re deep in the spirit!

Litttt!

4. When you have fellowship in your house every Sunday after church…after you’ve spent 4 hours in church already.

No way I’m not going to heaven.

5. When the pastor says close your eyes during altar call, but you want to see who is giving their life to Christ.

Oh ho!

6. When you see that person who is a ‘better christian’ than you going for altar call.

*adjusts halo*

7. When your mom forces you to join the choir and all the service units.

This is a full time job now, innit?

8. When you see your parents give 4 different offerings + voluntary donations in church and then you ask for ordinary 100 Naira to buy Capri-sonne and they say they don’t have.

Wow.

9. When the pastor says ‘say your enemies will die’ but you don’t roll that way.

That girl doesn’t need to die for stealing my Biro.

10. When night devotion is basically a 3-hour service.

“Let us open our mouths and begin to…”

11. When you lead devotion and after you’re done your Aunt says “You need to learn how to pray”​.

Wow. You must be sitting on God’s right hand too.

12. Other people turn up on Friday nights, but that’s vigil night for you.

Bless God!

13. When a church member is judging you for not being able to speak in tongues.

LOL! Thank you, Captain of The Tongue Speakers.

14. That one time you woke up in the middle of the night to hear your mother shouting “die by fire” while bathing you in annointing oil.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

15. When everyone falls under the annointing when the pastor lays hands on them except you.

Ah!

16. When the person sitting beside you falls down during deliverance, now you have to close your eyes and PRAY!

You don’t know which spirit that was. PRAY!

17. When you talk back to your mom once, and you have to go to the pastor for deliverance.

The demon of rudeness might’ve been in residence.

18. When your parents invite the pastor to bless your house, and all of them are just pouring anointing oil on the walls and floors – that you’re going to have to clean.

Please, continue.

19. Losing that Christmas weight in the new year during the 21- 45 days fasting in January.

The Fastest Loser has nothing on fasting!
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