We all know the economy is really tight and everyone wants another source of income. If you have ever thought of starting a church, we read your mind. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to start your own money-spinning church.
You need to answer the call of ‘God’
Just find that call from anywhere or make up a story. “I was pricing fish and the fish said…”.
Also find a way to involve your wife because team ministry
She has to make up her own story. “So when I was cleaning the fish, I saw a letter from God inside…”
Select your own hairstyle identity
Of course, how else will your church members know which hairstyle to do?
Select the dress code for yourself and your church
It has to be a uniform something. Either dress down casual, club attire, turtleneck, show back, bikini etc. God looks at the heart don’t worry.
Take members from your current church or from anybody’s church
It doesn’t matter, we will all enter the same heaven.
Now you have to assemble your team of pastors
Of course you cannot do it alone. Only one LASTMA official can’t be at a checkpoint.
Gather a fire praise and worship group
IF NIGERIANS CANNOT SHOKI OR DAB IN YOUR CHURCH THEY WON’T COME! Don’t play yourself.
Select your marketing plan or start a crusade
You need to appeal to the Nigerian challenges and problems because this life is hard.
Don’t forget to collect seed offerings and pledges at your crusade
How else do you want to pay your pastors and buy your car?
Visit your members every weekend if you can
How else will you trap them and make them come back?
Find a way to get on the news or TV
Go to a cemetery, raise the dead, or heal 100 “crippled” people even if they were in good health.
Invite one popular pastor or three for a life-changing, power-packed event at a stadium
Of course, you need to draw attention and bring other new members one way or the other.
DON’T FORGET TO COLLECT OFFERINGS TEN TIMES
You need to raise money for the invited guests flights and hotel rooms. That private jet won’t buy itself.
Encourage your members to buy you good gifts (must be expensive)
From 2016 Prado, to Range Rovers, maybe a jet. All color white because you must represent purity always.
Open a School
Secondary school, university, anything. Or even both. Added revenue. Say bye bye to poverty forever. Thank us later.
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Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
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