How To Start A Successful Nigerian Church Business

April 23, 2016
We all know the economy is really tight and everyone wants another source of income. If you have ever thought of starting a church, we read your mind. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to start your own money-spinning church.

You need to answer the call of ‘God’

Just find that call from anywhere or make up a story. “I was pricing fish and the fish said…”.

Also find a way to involve your wife because team ministry

She has to make up her own story. “So when I was cleaning the fish, I saw a letter from God inside…”

Select your own hairstyle identity

Of course, how else will your church members know which hairstyle to do?

Select the dress code for yourself and your church

It has to be a uniform something. Either dress down casual, club attire, turtleneck, show back, bikini etc. God looks at the heart don’t worry.

Take members from your current church or from anybody’s church

It doesn’t matter, we will all enter the same heaven.

Now you have to assemble your team of pastors

Of course you cannot do it alone. Only one LASTMA official can’t be at a checkpoint.

Gather a fire praise and worship group

IF NIGERIANS CANNOT SHOKI OR DAB IN YOUR CHURCH THEY WON’T COME! Don’t play yourself.

Select your marketing plan or start a crusade

You need to appeal to the Nigerian challenges and problems because this life is hard.

Don’t forget to collect seed offerings and pledges at your crusade

How else do you want to pay your pastors and buy your car?

Visit your members every weekend if you can

How else will you trap them and make them come back?

Find a way to get on the news or TV

Go to a cemetery, raise the dead, or heal 100 “crippled” people even if they were in good health.

Invite one popular pastor or three for a life-changing, power-packed event at a stadium

Of course, you need to draw attention and bring other new members one way or the other.

DON’T FORGET TO COLLECT OFFERINGS TEN TIMES

You need to raise money for the invited guests flights and hotel rooms. That private jet won’t buy itself.

Encourage your members to buy you good gifts (must be expensive)

From 2016 Prado, to Range Rovers, maybe a jet. All color white because you must represent purity always.

Open a School

Secondary school, university, anything. Or even both. Added revenue. Say bye bye to poverty forever. Thank us later.
Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

November 28, 2020

Tucked deep in the south-west, you’ve probably passed through Osun state on your way to other places in Nigeria. You probably didn’t spare the state another glance. Apart from playing host to Obafemi Awolowo University, arguably the best federal university in Nigeria (haters will say it’s a lie), Osun state is also home to a […]

Cross River by-election
November 27, 2020

There will be by-elections in Cross River and some states other in Nigeria on December 5, 2020, and we’re counting down to the elections. We have written about everything you need to know about the by-elections and all the candidates in the Bayelsa West and Central Senatorial by-election. In Cross River state, the death of […]

November 27, 2020

Women are often overlooked in conversations about marital infidelity, thanks to the notion that women aren’t very inclined to cheat on their spouses. I spoke to six married women who have had relationships without their husbands’ knowledge. They had some pretty interesting stories. Editorial note: This article was updated to include Chidinma’s entry which was […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes That’ll Separate The Ajepakos […]

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

More from Oldies

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X