17 Facts About Nigerian Security Guards That Are Just Too Real

June 16, 2016

1. The official starter pack:

2. Nigerian security guards and asking “who goes there?”

See question.

3. When they start using you to ‘show authority’ on top small gate.

It’s not your fault.

4. When they ask you everything from your maiden name to your blood type before letting you in.

Oversabi.

5. When they take forever to ask the most important question: “What is your name and who are you here to see?”

Can I go already?

6. Those ones at supermarket exits that always want you to give them your change.

Keep dreaming.

7. Nigerian security guards: “Reverse back” “Come small” “Cut your hand”.

Na wa.

8. When they hit you with their signature “happy weekend sah”.

I don’t have money, abeg.

9. When they wait for you to park and come out before saying “you no fit park here.”

Are you well?

10. The ones at the bank that expect you to give them out of the cash you just withdrew.

Your faith is strong.

11. Their face, when they see an actual robber:

Their salary no reach.

12. When it’s the middle of the night and you have to press your horn 10 times before they open your gate.

You want them to kill me ba?

13. When they make you park outside and walk the rest of the way.

You really don’t mean me well.

14. When they see you come there all the time but still act like they don’t know you.

I don’t blame you.

15. Their favourite lies: “He no dey” and “She don commot”

Ugh!

16. How they look at you when you leave without dropping money:

Hian! Are we sharing salary?

17. Nigerian security guards at night be like:

No time. Featured image via Happenings.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 17, 2020

Climbing the scale can be a stressful experience, and depending on your goal — lose weight or gain weight — the number you see can ruin your mood. So, instead of climbing that scale today, you can just have us tell you your weight based on your meal choices for a full day. Give it […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X