It’s the festive season again and as you should know by now, it’s one of the surest times to lose your beloved gadgets if you’re not careful.
I’ve then noticed that when Nigerians lose their phones, there’s an almost predictable set of events that must happen. Don’t agree? Check below.
1. Let’s say you’re with your friends (or fellow Yoruba demons) just chilling and having fun.
Or discussing how to break the next heart.
2. Then one of your guys asks..
Abeg gimme 1 minute for your phone.
3. And that’s when trouble starts and you suddenly notice you’re not with your phone. So you ask around and then they all tell you they’re not with it and you’re like…
Ah! Rough play.
4. So you collect one person’s phone to call your phone maybe you’ll hear it ring…
Ring. Please. Ring. God oh!
5. And all your guys are looking at you like…
Hafa e dey ring?
6. But by then the thief has already switched it off and is en route computer village like…
7. It’s now switched off. By this time panic is slowly setting in but you don’t want to think of the obvious so you and your squad search all around for it like…
Una don see am?
8. The optimist in you wants to assume the phone is probably dead but the devil comes at you in your mind like…
Oga was the phone not on 98% 30 mins ago? How can it be dead? Ehn??
9. This is when the foolish questions start pouring from your friends. Even though in your mind you plan to react like this…
“Where did you put it?”, “Did you see anybody take it?”, “How much credit was in it?” and so on. Una dey mad? How would I have seen somebody take it?
10. But you dunno when you just break down like…
I no know oo. My iPhone 6!!
11. Then you try to retrace your steps and see if you can remember where you dropped it. You also check your pocket for the 10th time just in case you didn’t notice it the last 9 times…
But e no dey my pocket na, where e con dey? ?
12. You suddenly develop trust issues and ask your friends repeatedly if they’re trying to play a prank on you by hiding your phone but they’re like…
E no dey my hand na seriously. Check am.
13. That’s when the hope in you starts fading like make-up on a girl’s face after a swimming date and then you begin to cry to the Lord…
Ah God! Why me? After all my tithes and offerings. Please you must show yourself strong in my life oo.
14. After about 6 hours and still no luck, you’ve finally accepted the reality and brace yourself to tell your parents. You start with mumsy of course and she’s just looking at you explain throughout like…
15. You also ask her not to tell daddy but as an African woman with good home training she hurries to snitch to the man and he’s like…
Ehn?! Phone that we just bought for him last month? Call him here.
16. And he gives you the tongue-lashing of destiny that makes you wonder if Jesus really took away your shame on the cross…
Chai! My life *cries in iPhone 6 money*
17. Few days later you start rocking your Nokia torchlight phone until money for another phone shows.
Because nothing can switch off the light that’s in you ✌
The end.
Written by Zikoko contributor Sagachristos
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