All The Things That Happen When You Lose Your Phone In Nigeria

December 19, 2015
It’s the festive season again and as you should know by now, it’s one of the surest times to lose your beloved gadgets if you’re not careful. I’ve then noticed that when Nigerians lose their phones, there’s an almost predictable set of events that must happen. Don’t agree? Check below.

1. Let’s say you’re with your friends (or fellow Yoruba demons) just chilling and having fun.

Or discussing how to break the next heart.

2. Then one of your guys asks..

Abeg gimme 1 minute for your phone.

3. And that’s when trouble starts and you suddenly notice you’re not with your phone. So you ask around and then they all tell you they’re not with it and you’re like…

Ah! Rough play.

4. So you collect one person’s phone to call your phone maybe you’ll hear it ring…

Ring. Please. Ring. God oh!

5. And all your guys are looking at you like…

Hafa e dey ring?

6. But by then the thief has already switched it off and is en route computer village like…

7. It’s now switched off. By this time panic is slowly setting in but you don’t want to think of the obvious so you and your squad search all around for it like…

Una don see am?

8. The optimist in you wants to assume the phone is probably dead but the devil comes at you in your mind like…

Oga was the phone not on 98% 30 mins ago? How can it be dead? Ehn??

9. This is when the foolish questions start pouring from your friends. Even though in your mind you plan to react like this…

“Where did you put it?”, “Did you see anybody take it?”, “How much credit was in it?” and so on. Una dey mad? How would I have seen somebody take it?

10. But you dunno when you just break down like…

I no know oo. My iPhone 6!!

11. Then you try to retrace your steps and see if you can remember where you dropped it. You also check your pocket for the 10th time just in case you didn’t notice it the last 9 times…

But e no dey my pocket na, where e con dey? ?

12. You suddenly develop trust issues and ask your friends repeatedly if they’re trying to play a prank on you by hiding your phone but they’re like…

E no dey my hand na seriously. Check am.

13. That’s when the hope in you starts fading like make-up on a girl’s face after a swimming date and then you begin to cry to the Lord…

Ah God! Why me? After all my tithes and offerings. Please you must show yourself strong in my life oo.

14. After about 6 hours and still no luck, you’ve finally accepted the reality and brace yourself to tell your parents. You start with mumsy of course and she’s just looking at you explain throughout like…

15. You also ask her not to tell daddy but as an African woman with good home training she hurries to snitch to the man and he’s like…

Ehn?! Phone that we just bought for him last month? Call him here.

16. And he gives you the tongue-lashing of destiny that makes you wonder if Jesus really took away your shame on the cross…

Chai! My life *cries in iPhone 6 money*

17. Few days later you start rocking your Nokia torchlight phone until money for another phone shows.

Because nothing can switch off the light that’s in you ✌ The end. Written by Zikoko contributor Sagachristos

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X