Making a movie in Nigeria is serious business. You really don’t need a lot of experience to make one. If you’ve ever wondered how to make one we made a guide for you.
1. First of all, make sure your movie poster tells the whole story
Don’t leave any chance to the viewers to guess how the movie goes, if possible narrate the film on the poster.
2. Quickly make a movie about anything that happens in the news
Be fast, be the first person to make it so you can make enough money.
3. Make sure you include an intro scene irrelevant to the movie
Intro scene should be about a plane flying or a farm in the village. Anything works.
4. Include a 10 minute scene of cars driving from one end of Lagos to the other
Maybe to show off the beautiful potholes and traffic sellers, always include funny background music too.
5. Put like ten passerby scenes and three scenes with a car reversing
Because you must include all your family members in the cast. Charity begins at home.
6. Whoever is singing the theme music must narrate the whole movie with it
If you don’t listen well, you an’t understand the movie.
7. There must be a gateman scene
No matter what the movies is about make sure you add that scene. The gateman must also try to be funny
8. Carry only one or two bags when you are moving out
Even if you have been living there for the past 20 years.
9. Find a way to include a mother-in-law in the movie plot
Yes you guessed it. She must be wicked too.
10. Remind your actors and actresses to use funny accents
Mix British and American with a little Jamaican accent in one sentence for the international community.
11. Somebody must be poisoned
“After the poison is added to the food, taste it. Okay? Action!”
12. You must have a housegirl
This is one important rule. Never forget, because who will break a plate and get punished or sleep with oga.
13. If your movie does not have witchcraft and babalawos you haven’t started
Witches must wear black or red, voodoo priests must paint one eye with chalk. Be consistent.
14. Your actors must shout, if you don’t shout you are not acting well
Maybe the microphone is always bad, we don’t understand.
15. There has to be a slap scene
At least one epic slap must happen please. It spices up the movie. (The person receiving the slap must say “did you slap me?”).
16. Give an illiterate the subtitles to do
It costs too much to pay a professional to do it, and you must save money. If the viewers don’t like it, they will manage it like that.
17. Now divide the storyline into four parts
Parts I-IV. You can give the titles different names so people would know. Make enough money on a story that should last 10 minutes.
18. Don’t forget the most important part of the movie ending
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Z! Stacks
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