All The Things Guys Do When Preparing For Sex

June 2, 2017

1. We shower. We shower hard.

Can’t afford to be smelling when the deed is being done.

2. We brush. We brush hard.

Unless you want the girl to turn her head 360 degrees just to avoid kissing you.

3. We do push ups.

Last minute attempt to look sexy.

4. We clean. We clean hard.

Can’t afford to have your house smelling when you’re getting down.

5. We drink redbull.

For energy.

6. Sometimes mixed with man power.

For those that need it.

7. We shave.

Don’t go and injure someone’s daughter with your pubic hair that feels like hair brush.

8. We put on our best underwear.

To look sexy when we eventually disrobe.

9. We shit.

Because pausing a sex session halfway through to go and empty your bowels can really kill the mood for both you and the girl.

10. We practice our sexy voices.

Basically we try to sound like James Earl Jones. Why? Because nobody’s voice is sexier than the voice of Mufasa.

11. Finally, we sit in fear for a few minutes and hope the girl doesn’t call to cancel.

*worry intensifies*

More Zikoko!

We Just Remembered Our 5 Favourite Soap Operas From 12 Years Ago And Now We’re Crying

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 14, 2019

The bond between a Nigerian man and his barber is difficult to quantify. It’s a beautiful synergy that takes a while to find, but once you do, your hairline becomes all the better for it. So, what exactly happens when the trust in this relationship is inevitably broken? Well, that’s why this post exists. You […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X