5 Annoying Things Nigerian Barbers Do When Cutting Hair

April 27, 2017

1. When they try to start a conversation.

Mr. Barber. I came here to get my hair cut (obviously), I didn’t come here to gist. So stop asking me about how my day was or if my sister is seeing anybody at the moment. I also don’t want to talk about how awesome the match was between Chelsea and Man United. Also, getting a haircut, for some people, is a very relaxing thing so PLEASE don’t try and talk to me about politics. I am already stressed. Talking about Nigeria’s problems makes things worse.

2. When they slice your head open with their insanely sharp clipper.

Mr. Barber. I’m happy that your clipper has been sharpened and is now set to cut my hair and shave my beard properly. I have to ask one question sha. ARE WE FIGHTING?! AH AHN?! Why do you always slice my  head like you’re trying to open  a can of Geisha? Even when you shave my beard, there’s always blood everywhere. Are you trying to give me AIDS? If I’ve offended you in the past, I’m sorry. Let us bury the hatchet please!

3. When they pour the spirit on your head without warning and you’re like “sssssssssss!”

Mr. Barber. I get that I am a man and I’m supposed to be tough. But when you just pour the spirit on my head without warning, it hurts. It hurts so bad that I want to scream like a 10 year old girl but I can’t because people will look at me somehow. Edakun, warn me so that I’ll prepare myself mentally to bear the pain.

4. When they take breaks (while cutting your hair) to pick a song to play.

Mr. Barber. This one is just annoying. I know that I said that getting my haircut is a relaxing thing for me but it doesn’t mean I want to spend all day here. Don’t be leaving my head to go and search for the perfect club banger on your phone to give me headache with. It’s very annoying because after wasting all that time looking for songs, you still end up playing complete trash. So either you let a movie on African magic play in peace and or you turn everything off because I did not come here to waste time while listening to Terry G’s greatest hits. Also, don’t sing along to the music when you’re so close to my face. I don’t want to feel your hot breath on my cheek and I’m not trying to be mean but your voice is terrible.

5. When they use too much powder and forget to dust it off when they’re done.

Mr. Barber. I get that the white powder you apply is supposed to make me look fresh or whatever but why do you always have to over do it? You apply so much powder that it gets to places I can’t see even with a mirror (the back of my head and neck) and then you let me leave your shop in broad daylight looking like I have leprosy or like I just took a dive into a pool of cocaine. You’ve destroyed my reputation because many people now think I do drugs. It’s not fair. Like I said before, if I offended you in the past, tell me so I can apologize. Ehn, I’m sorry.

Enjoyed this article about Nigerian Barbers? Sure you did! And you’re in luck because there’s more! Check out this article about 15 Pictures Anyone With A Nigerian Barber Can Relate To.

15 Pictures That Are Too Real For People With A Nigerian Barber

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 11, 2021

So, if you thought pregnancy cravings were the funniest things about being pregnant, then you definitely have not heard of the pregnancy myths. With the help of Zikoko WhatsApp groups 2 and 3, I compiled a list of some of the funniest pregnancy myths ever. 1) If you dip your hand into your husband’s pocket […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X