5 Annoying Things Nigerian Barbers Do When Cutting Hair

April 27, 2017

1. When they try to start a conversation.

Mr. Barber. I came here to get my hair cut (obviously), I didn’t come here to gist. So stop asking me about how my day was or if my sister is seeing anybody at the moment. I also don’t want to talk about how awesome the match was between Chelsea and Man United. Also, getting a haircut, for some people, is a very relaxing thing so PLEASE don’t try and talk to me about politics. I am already stressed. Talking about Nigeria’s problems makes things worse.

2. When they slice your head open with their insanely sharp clipper.

Mr. Barber. I’m happy that your clipper has been sharpened and is now set to cut my hair and shave my beard properly. I have to ask one question sha. ARE WE FIGHTING?! AH AHN?! Why do you always slice my  head like you’re trying to open  a can of Geisha? Even when you shave my beard, there’s always blood everywhere. Are you trying to give me AIDS? If I’ve offended you in the past, I’m sorry. Let us bury the hatchet please!

3. When they pour the spirit on your head without warning and you’re like “sssssssssss!”

Mr. Barber. I get that I am a man and I’m supposed to be tough. But when you just pour the spirit on my head without warning, it hurts. It hurts so bad that I want to scream like a 10 year old girl but I can’t because people will look at me somehow. Edakun, warn me so that I’ll prepare myself mentally to bear the pain.

4. When they take breaks (while cutting your hair) to pick a song to play.

Mr. Barber. This one is just annoying. I know that I said that getting my haircut is a relaxing thing for me but it doesn’t mean I want to spend all day here. Don’t be leaving my head to go and search for the perfect club banger on your phone to give me headache with. It’s very annoying because after wasting all that time looking for songs, you still end up playing complete trash. So either you let a movie on African magic play in peace and or you turn everything off because I did not come here to waste time while listening to Terry G’s greatest hits. Also, don’t sing along to the music when you’re so close to my face. I don’t want to feel your hot breath on my cheek and I’m not trying to be mean but your voice is terrible.

5. When they use too much powder and forget to dust it off when they’re done.

Mr. Barber. I get that the white powder you apply is supposed to make me look fresh or whatever but why do you always have to over do it? You apply so much powder that it gets to places I can’t see even with a mirror (the back of my head and neck) and then you let me leave your shop in broad daylight looking like I have leprosy or like I just took a dive into a pool of cocaine. You’ve destroyed my reputation because many people now think I do drugs. It’s not fair. Like I said before, if I offended you in the past, tell me so I can apologize. Ehn, I’m sorry.

Enjoyed this article about Nigerian Barbers? Sure you did! And you’re in luck because there’s more! Check out this article about 15 Pictures Anyone With A Nigerian Barber Can Relate To.

15 Pictures That Are Too Real For People With A Nigerian Barber

You'll like this

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.


Now on Zikoko

October 20, 2020

Earlier today, the Lagos government declared a 24-hour-curfew starting 4pm. However protesters and people who couldn’t go home on such short notice remained at the Lekki toll-gate. News have however reached us that peaceful protesters and people at the toll-gate are being shot at. Here’s what’s happening: To watch it live, click here. For more […]

October 20, 2020

If the president is not moving fast with police reforms, we can submit a petition to the National Assembly. 24-hour Curfew Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu has imposed a 24-hour curfew on all parts of Lagos State as from 4 pm, 20th October 2020. He also added that only essential service providers and first responders “must be […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

More from Oldies

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.