17 Things Only People Who Have Been To A Nigerian Bank Will Immediately Understand

February 24, 2016

1. When the ATM in front of the bank is not working.

Are you people joking?

2. When you press the button for the door before the person on the other side.

I WIN!

3. When you’ve already dropped everything but the door still won’t let you pass.

I should off pant, abi what?

4. When you go to the bank in the middle of the day and the place is still full.

Don’t you people have jobs to be at?

5. When you lend someone your pen and the person disappears with it.

Na me mess up.

6. When you forget to bring your own pen and everyone you ask is using you to catch trips.

Hay God! See my life.

7. When a customer starts causing a scene in the bank.

Well, it’s all free entertainment while I wait.

8. When someone tries to jump everyone on the queue in the name of “in a hurry.”

Sorry oh Dangote, we don’t have where we are going too.

9. “Please, are you last pulzon on the queue? Amatyour back please.”

Every. Single. Time.

10. When one random person appears and says they are meant to be at your front.

Please, gerrarahia.

11. When the cashier tells you “network is down” and then carries face.

I’m confused.

12. When you want to open an account and they tell you to bring NEPA bill, a pint of blood, and your first born son.

Is that all?

13. When the customer service staff starts acting like you are owing them money.

Ah! Am I disturbing you?

14. When you want to change a small detail in your account and they tell you to write a letter to the manager.

Is it his account?

15. When your plan was to stay for a few minutes, but the whole day has already gone.

How am I still here?

16. When you go to withdraw and they pack N20 notes for you.

Please, am I a conductor?

17. When they try to get you to sign up for one of their ‘trend of the week’ services.

I don’t blame you. It’s because I still have account with you people.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

December 19, 2019

1. You, sending out those “Are you in town?” texts like: At least one of them will yield results. 2. You, leaving all your other relationships to focus on your IJGB fling: Just give me two weeks, my loves. 3. When your bae actually dumps you for an IJGB. A whole breakup? Is it not […]

Nigerian Army testifies SARS panel
November 29, 2020

The Nigerian Army has shared their testimony twice at the Lagos State Judicial Panel of Inquiry and Restitution For Victims of SARS Related Abuses. At Zikoko Citizen, we have been following the “Lagos SARS panel” ever since the panel was inaugurated, and we have also been present at the panel hearing on the two occasions […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

May 21, 2022

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who masturbated for the first time when he was 22. He talks about the transition from saving himself for marriage to just enjoying sex, and why he never considered masturbation till he started having sex.

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X