15 Things Every Nigerian Abroad Says When They Come Back Home For The Holidays

December 9, 2015

1. “Who are the network providers again?”

Ah! How many years and you don’t remember MTN?

2. “How do you load [insert network provider] credit again?”

I can’t even vex. I’m still here and I don’t even know it.

3. “I really missed [insert Nigerian food].”

Ehn! Go and eat na.

4. “Ugh! The internet is so slow here.”

Na so we see am.

5. “How much is that in [insert dollars/pounds]?”

You see yourself.

6. “Has light always been this bad?”

What are you asking?

7. “Oh! When did they renovate [insert first place they visit]?”

Let’s go, biko.

8. “OMG! It’s sooo hot.”

We apologize on behalf of the sun.

9. “How do you get to [insert place that is 5 minutes from their house] again?”

Don’t vex me, abeg.

10. “Ugh! Traffic is so terrible.”

You know all of you are adding to it sha.

11. “Do you know anywhere I can get [insert oyinbo thing]?”

Organic kini? Nope. Nah. Uhn-Uhn.

12. “So this place is still like this?”

It’s not your fault.

13. “Is [insert last spot they visited before leaving] still open?”

The spot is almost always a club.

14. “I think I’m reacting to the [insert water, food, or air].”

Ah! Sorry oh.

15. “Wow! They have [insert oyinbo thing] here now. That’s nice.”

We are trying small small.

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