NYSC Diary DAY 5: Why Are People Sniffing Lizard Poop?

November 18, 2020

A few months ago we began the NYSC Diaries, which covered inside life stories of NYSC in Nigeria. Stories like things NYSC corps members can relate to or what to do when you’re posted to a faraway place, like Borno.

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.


3:58 a.m. 

I’m back from the bathroom, I just took a bath. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell my roommates. In reality, I went in there fully dressed, washed my face and then stayed for a bit let time pass. 

But I’m back now and nobody can come and inspect my body to see if I really took a bath. Nobody is awake anyways and I cannot let cold kill me for my mother. I read my bible, pray and go back to sleep fully dressed. The point is to sleep until everyone is leaving the room so I can get maximum sleeping time. 

I am wise. 

5:50 a.m. 

We’re being addressed at the parade ground after our morning exercise drills. We’ve had different people come and speak to us. This woman says “We thank God for the gift of life”, and the guy beside me says “Gift of life? Gift of life when sleep dey worry person!”

I laugh, bring out my phone and type it out in my notes. It’s definitely going in today’s diary. 

6:22 a.m. 

The man from NDLEA is speaking to us about the ways people abuse drugs and he mentions that people sniff lizard poop as hard drugs. I am confused; Some people are seeing lizards in their compounds and going “Oh my precious one, I can’t just wait for excreta to come out of your body so I can get find it, harvest it, and get high.”

Another woman speaks about patriotism. She says leaving Nigeria is not the best thing to do because if you migrate, you’ll be called an alien or an immigrant. 

Me I know that I have never seen someone fall on the floor and die just because someone called them “immigrant”. 

You cannot confuse me ma. I know where I belong. 🇨🇦

7:07 a.m

I finally take an okay picture of the mountain in our view. 

Be afraid, nature photographers. I’m coming for your throne. 

7:33 a.m

I’m disappointed in myself. I wanted to try masa for the first time but I’m here eating terrible and overpriced rice and stew. It’s the woman’s fault, somehow. She didn’t attend to me fast enough so I had time to convince myself to try it another day. Also, a friend on camp was passing and she said she was going to eat rice or yam and I just took that as a cue to leave. Maybe tomorrow, I will try the masa. 

8:37 a.m. 

I go to submit my bank account opening form so that nobody will give me excuses at the end of the month. The woman is not around. Nobody should play with me and my money. 

As I pass a deserted looking room, I get the urge to look into it through a window. What could be here? I check. Gold. 

People can be so humble. Look at these kitchen workers walking around like they don’t possess something so precious. 

12:00 p.m 

I’m tired of these SAED lectures. I won’t write

about them a lot because writing about them will stress me out mentally. At some point, I tried to go out and then they called me to come and hold banner for some guy. Ugh. There’s a picture of me sleeping but I will not share it. 

A hen attacks me. 

I’m leaving in 30 minutes, I decide. I have an OBS show by 2pm and I need to prepare at OBS *wink wink*

12:40 p.m.

OBS is a powerful name. All the soldiers and camp officials let me pass and now I’m here. I really don’t have any more preparations to do. I’m just here to sleep. 

3:45 p.m.

I’m done with OBS. Keke and I did a top ten Nigerian music count down. It felt like Ranked. I enjoyed doing it. At first, I thought it was not great but the woman in charge told me it was fantastic. Now I’m walking on the streets and people are hailing me and saying they enjoyed it. I feel like a god. 

Apparently, my Arsenal fan roommate/friend was going round telling people that it was me who was on the speakers. The music we played was also really good. 

I will not lie, I am happy. 

9:54 p.m.

I’m ready to sleep. The rest of the day went by as a sad blur. I’m physically tired. Maybe all the times where I fell down publicly and became an object of ridicule while trying to play football have added to this tiredness. I also really hate that they forced us to go and watch all the boring dramas. As I try to block myself out of the entire thing, my external earphone jack spoils. I need Airpods and I’m getting frustrated. 

I take an actual bath before so sleep. I’m not a pig.

Someone just told me they liked my broadcast again. 

🙈


In case you missed it:

NYSC Diary DAY 4: I Just Want To Sleep


Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 7, 2019

3:16 AM Someone taps me awake. It is A. When I open my eyes, the room is a flurry of activities: young men in various stages of undress rushing to fetch water to bathe, young men already dressing up. I already fetched my water yesterday so I am spared the stress of queuing at the […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 4, 2022

Lending people money can be very risky. You have to be ready to fight or say bye-bye to your money for the sake of peace. If you’ve already made the terrible mistake of giving out your hard-earned money, then you can never be too prepared for the process of getting it back. We put together […]

July 3, 2022

In this letter #ToHER, Tumi writes to one of her closest friends, Tolu. Tolu japa’d to America, and although she read this letter before travelling, Tumi wants everyone to know how special their friendship has been for her.

Recommended Quizzes

December 29, 2021

A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

More from NYSC Diary

December 1, 2020

4:38 a.m.  I’m fully awake, I’ve taken a bath and I’m dressed in my all white. My roommates are beginning to let their guards down because it’s the last day. Why are they not awake by this time. They will blow the bugle now and they will start rushing. Anyways, let me go back to […]

November 25, 2020

2:49 a.m.  I wake up and I know instantly. I’m sick. Okay, maybe “sick” is a tad dramatic. I have phlegm and it won’t stop until I use some medication. It happens to me every year during harmattan and it’s usually very frustrating. Ugh, now I will be spitting all day. Iyama.  6:36 a.m.  All […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X