People think cooking together is cute. But there’s nothing more annoying than someone getting in your way while you’re cooking. Especially in Nigerian houses where kitchens are so small, you’d think they were built as an afterthought. It doesn’t matter if they want to help or wash plates. It’s annoying, and not many people understand. Why?
They make the kitchen hotter
The kitchen is small and hot enough with all the heat from the burners and boiling foods. Someone will now decide that they want to come and stand with you while you cook. If you’re going to kill me, just say so. Why are you occupying space in my kitchen?
They give unsolicited opinions
When people come into your kitchen, instead of minding their business, they’ll now be talking about how you didn’t add enough seasoning or how you’re supposed to chop the vegetable with the chopping board levitating. It’s giving Ikeja Gordon Ramsey — ogbeni if you don’t geddifok!
Their presence can irritate you
The whole point of cooking is to close your eyes and pretend like you’re not slaving away for something that’ll end up as poop. Why would someone try to add their already annoying presence to that?
They make cooking unenjoyable
For some people, cooking is the only time they can relax. They pick up a knife and cut into that fish, imagining their annoying landlord’s or boss’ hands. It’s the little things, you know. Why would anyone want to interrupt such moments because they want to “help”?
That’s when something will spoil
Ever noticed that when two people are in the kitchen, that’s when plates will break, gas will finish, or two cups of salt will mysteriously fall into the soup? What’s that quote about how too many cooks spoil the broth again?
Their presence makes the food shy
Food can only be vulnerable to one person at a time. Have you ever tried eating shy food? All the flavours won’t come out. Stay away from people’s kitchens, please.
You get upset when they say, “Can I help?”
Of course, you can. You can help by leaving. If you were not invited, maybe it’s because we want you to rest. It’s not us. It’s you.