How To Lie To Your Nigerian Boss After Missing Work For Protests

October 19, 2020

If you’re looking to use your youthful energy join in the current peaceful EndSARS protests against police brutality but your boss won’t let you go because “Client is calling and asking for deadlines”, this article is for you.

We’ll walk you through all the lies you can tell to your boss after you miss work to join the protests.

1. Call in sick

Send a mail saying that you’re sick and you can’t move from your bed. You should also probably add that you’ve lost your voice and there’s no point trying to video call you as well because you’ll be asleep all day.

2. Say Anonymous threatened you

Tell your boss that the cyber organisation, Anonymous, reached out to you and said that if you didn’t join in the protest, they would leak your nudes. Your boss would understand. They have nudes as well.

3. Say you got robbed

You have to be able to act to pull this one off: Tell them that you got robbed overnight and they took your phone, laptop and everything, even the money you would have used to come to work. If they ask why you still have your phone and laptop now that you’re back at work, say that someone caught the thief trying to sell the stuff in Computer Village and brought them back you last night.

If they still don’t show sympathy, quit.

4. Say the protesters forced you

This one is for when you’re presented with pictures of yourself at the protest when you finally get to work. It’s simple and foolproof. You were on your way to work. The protesters saw you. They dragged you out of your car and made you join them. You had no choice.

5. You heard gunshots

This one is very believable because the police have been shooting at protesters all over the place. Just say you heard gunshots all over the place and you decided to stay indoors, but you were also too scared to work from home.

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