• How Fake Friends Pretend to Support You

    Hearing “we gather dey” from your guy is like getting a nitro boost, but what’s it like from someone who doesn’t send your Papa?

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    On July 1, 2023, Portable posted a screenshot of Asake’s reply to his DM asking for a collab. It didn’t seem like Asake was keen on working with him at that moment.

    fake friends
asake and portable screenshot
    Source: Portable’s IG Story

    Source: Portable’s IG Story

    His response reminded me of how guys back their guys up and encourage them when they’re down. From your close friends and “guyest guys”, these words give extra confidence. From acquaintances, however, they can just be fake assurances. 

    See these, for example:

    We gather dey

    sabinus
fake friends
    Source: Zikoko memes

    Translation: My brother in Christ, this means you’re on your own and should focus on yourself.

    We go run am

    why are you running 
fake friends
    Source: Zikoko memes

    Translation: Get your shoes, tie your laces and get ready to run alone. Because na only you go still run that thing, boss.

    Na smalls

    fake friends
    Source: Zikoko memes

    Translation: Go for it. I’ll be rooting for you from where I am without moving an inch.

    Bad as e bad

    Source: Zikoko memes

    Translation: It can actually get worse, and I won’t be there to help you out. I have my own cross to carry.

    I dey your back

    fake friends
    Source: Zikoko memes

    Translation: I’m sorry to break it to you, but you and your back are on your own.

    No reason am

    Source: Zikoko memes

    This is just a sorry attempt to make you feel calm and forget your predicament. When you stop thinking about it, they no longer need to help you find a solution.

    No wam

    fake friends
    Source: Zikoko memes

    No problem?  Just know that there’s a problem. They just will be wishing you well from afar.

    Mafo

    fake friends
    Source: Zikoko memes

    Although this loosely translates to “fear not”, they’re just ticking boxes when they say. Sometimes, these guys actually mean it, but how can we know? We aren’t all-knowing. We’re nothing but pencils in the hands of President Tinubu’s policies.

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