If the year 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that real life is way more terrifying than anything fiction has to offer. With that in mind, I made this list of real-life scary Nigerian things you could go as for Halloween.
1) A Nigerian Politician
Literally anyone. All you need is an agbada, a cap, incompetence, and pure unadulterated wickedness. Also, if anyone asks you a question while dressed up as a Nigerian politician, you have to lie stupidly.
2) A Canadian Citizenship Rejection Document
Can you think of anything more terrifying than the thought of never leaving this country and getting to experience what normal life is like?
3) Food Inflation
Brethren. A sachet of tomato paste now costs N180. A kilo of turkey is almost N3k. Eventually, we won’t be able to cook that Jollof we keep making noise about.
I know what you’re thinking. “Traffic isn’t scary. It’s just super inconveniencing.” Well, if you spend your entire life in Lagos, that’ll mean losing a large chunk of your youth to traffic. And if you’re unlucky, you could die in it.
5) A Nigerian Government Youth Empowerment Program
You could go as any one. They’re all incredibly disappointing. Here’s a list of them we recently compiled.
6) An Older Nigerian Demanding Respect Even Though They’ve Done Absolutely Nothing To Earn It
Ugh. Those ones are the fucking worst.
7) The Life Expectancy Of Nigerians
The current life expectancy for Nigeria in 2020 is 54.81 years, a 0.58% increase from 2019. Ain’t nothing scarer than the fact that everything in this country is trying to kill you.
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