We’re only five days into the year and if you wrote new year’s resolutions, we’re here to guilt trip you about the ones you’re already failing at.

1. You had fufu for dinner last night

“I cannot come and kill myself”

2. You didn’t work out this morning

We’re just five days into the year and you’ve already missed three days of working out? Maybe the summer body will come in 2022 because this year’s own has already passed.

3. You’ve been on Twitter all day

Remember the goal you set about spending more time off Twitter because you needed to get more shit done? How’s that going?

4. You’ve not read your Bible/Quran today

Is it by force for you to start every year by lying to yourself that you’ll read the holy book every day?

5. You drank soda yesterday

We’re judging you.

6. You’ve not drank one liter of water today

But you promised to drink one full keg of water every 5 minutes because you want clear skin.

7. You called your ex last night

Move on.

8. You’ve broken your kolo

Well…

[donation]