Don’t let their cuteness deceive you; kids are crackheads. They’ll do the weirdest shit and then when you catch them, they’ll start acting like they’ve been framed. If you want to save yourself a lot of cleaning and embarrassment, keep these seven things away from your kids.

1. Powder

Children see powder and immediately think “I must rub this all over my body when nobody is watching and then try to look innocent when they inevitably catch me.”

2. Cream

But when it’s time to cream for school, they will be running away. Why?

3. Stew

It’s been two years and this video never fails to make me scream. That is premium Yoruba stew so you know that his eyes are probably still peppering him right now.

4. Food, generally

Just one question: Why?

5. Information

“My daddy told my mummy that we are getting very broke and that he might have to sell his kidney to pay off all our debts.”

6. Alcohol

This child looks like if you talk too much he will break the bottle on your head and there’s nothing you can do about it.

7. Pets

How can you see a living bird and decide that you want to eat it?