If there’s one thing the TV show Insecure did for me, it is burn the word ghosting as well it’s impact on people into my skull. Today, we spoke to five young Nigerians who have been ghosted on what their worst experience being ghosted has been.
Chinelo, 23.
Right so, in my first year in uni, I started seeing this guy. It was a talking stage but I really liked him and I think he liked me (I’m not sure anymore cause who ghosts someone they like in such a wicked way). Anyways, it was really good for two months, everything started to go left after he stood me up on Valentine’s day and then he denied me when my best friend saw him at Amigo and told him “when are you resuming, your babe misses you”. This man said, “what babe? I don’t have a babe o”.
Fast forward to two weeks after this event, he came back to school and told me we wouldn’t be able to talk much on the phone because his phone was bad, I didn’t think anything of it because we’re in the same uni so I can always see him right? This man’s phone was “bad” for the whole of the Easter holiday and after that. We didn’t talk once. One day I went on WhatsApp and saw him online, he still hadn’t tried to contact me so I thought when we get back to school we’d just settle it. He didn’t resume for the first two weeks and the day I finally saw him, this man walked past me like he didn’t know who I was, it happened more than once. I was so confused because he’d go on IG and like my photos but he wouldn’t talk to me when he saw me. Once, I and my BFF ran into him in our cafeteria and he said Hi to her and ignored me like I wasn’t there. I wanted to faint. It took me 8 months to get over it and this idiot dared to text me to “check on me” after I’d fully moved on.
Jamie, 23.
So I met her and we started off as friends, as these things go. We went to Unilag together. Different departments. We’d just hang out after school, walk together to the gate, eat together, etc. Then I started liking her. She found out, and the relationship sort of changed. She kinda led me on. She didn’t say she didn’t like me back, but we started doing more stuff like going to the movies together, chilling in each other’s apartments, getting drunk and whatnot. I spent my birthday with her. It was beginning to get interesting sha. I was pretty sure we were going to end up dating. We were together almost everyday, talking on the phone, FaceTiming etc.
And then one Friday, I didn’t have classes, so I called her in the morning and asked if we would hang out later that day. She sounded dejected and when I asked why, she said we’d talk about it when we saw. She said I should call her by 5 pm. We’d been out a few days earlier and everything was okay. Now, NEPA had cut our light and my phone was on 4%. This was like 9 a.m. So I waited at home, doing nothing, waiting for 5pm (I know that sounds stupid, but if I didn’t have any plans with her, I would have left home earlier and just gone somewhere to charge my phone and chill. I just decided to wait till I saw her before I left home.)
I called her at 5pm. She didn’t pick. I put my phone back on airplane mode. 5:30pm, she didn’t pick. Airplane mode. 5:45pm and 6pm. Didn’t pick. So I texted her and said “Hey, you didn’t sound okay the last time we spoke, and now, you’re not picking. Are you good?” She read it and didn’t reply. I was so worried. Then my phone died.
I didn’t try to call her after that. On the next day, I was looking at WhatsApp stories when I saw her’s. She was posting pictures of herself smiling. I still didn’t try to contact her, I was waiting for her to contact me. She kept posting stories so I was sure she was okay. That text I sent her was the last time we spoke.
I bumped into her about 3 months later in school. Her reason for ghosting me like that: I’m sorry, I just got really busy that day and I forgot to reach out to you after.
Uju, 20.
Not sure I’d say “horrible” but I met this guy at a wedding in Kaduna, he lives in Abuja and I was in Lagos at the time. We hit it off instantly, like made out and everything. I went back to Lagos he went back to Abuja and we were talking for like a good two weeks. I even sent him a full platter of food twice as per lover babe. Anyway one morning, I texted him and no response. I called, messaged, nothing for like a week. I called his best friend (who is my best friend’s brother) and he said he had spoken to him so he wasn’t dead he was just ghosting me. Anyway, he came to apologize and said it “happens”.
Chisom, 28.
So this guy and I had been talking, it was a long-distance situationship but things were moving fast and none of us had a problem with it then he didn’t talk to me for like a week. At first, I wasn’t so mad, I didn’t panic as much. Then he reached out and said he had some stuff he was dealing with and I kind of understood. We talked all through summer and then I didn’t hear from him for about 96 days. His number wasn’t going through, I couldn’t reach him on social media. I sent emails, he never responded and then one random day he called me. I kept looking at the phone. I didn’t want to pick it up but I eventually did. Because I wanted closure but yeah things died after that.
Martha, 32.
Two years ago, I met this guy at my friend’s birthday party. We were flirting and eventually exchanged numbers. After that, we hung out and made out and stuff. A month into the ‘relationship’, I texted him and he didn’t reply. Called, the same thing. After a few days, I went to visit him as per caring girlfriend. He wasn’t around. I asked my friend whose birthday I met him from, she said she didn’t know him like that. One day, like a week into the disappearing act, he posted on Instagram. I was like ‘what?’ I DMed him. After he read it, he blocked me. That was when I knew what happened. The next time I saw him was at a friend’s wedding a few months later when I was serving food. Omo, I was dishing rice and crying. God forbid.
