13 Words That Have Lost Their Meaning Thanks To Nigerians

September 14, 2020

It’s only in Nigeria that a house described as “luxury” will lack parking space, running water, and have a kitchen the size of a broom closet.

If I had a Naira for every time a Nigerian politician has commissioned an “ultra-modern” thing that ended up being an incredibly regular version of said thing, I would have enough money to japa.

This reminds me of when a boat company put out a flyer charging N500,000 for couple’s cruise with a “gourmet” dinner that was just fried yam and sauce.

This one is on the same table with luxury. When Nigerians say a thing is “state of the art,” I can assure you that said thing is at least 3 models behind.

Do you know how many super corrupt people have dedicated themselves to the “fight against anti-corruption”? I laugh in deceit.

It will always bother me that the definition of “youth” in this country somehow includes middle-aged people. Everywhere you look, there are 45-year-olds leading youth groups.

If the hospitals the government has been are “world class” as they claim, why do they keep flying out of the country medical procedures?

The number of charlatans out in these streets collecting money from people in the name of “master class” only to dish out generic information from page 1 of Google’s search results will blow your mind.

“Patronise XYZ Real Estate. We rent out houses weekly or monthly at uniquely affordable rates. Our first house is N350,000 A NIGHT…”

Aspirational marketing strikes again.

Give me a moment. I have to go check on the group of Instagram clothing venders that fell off the table I just broke.

This one goes out to all the people who start skincare lines out of nowhere (probably as a last resort) and keep screaming “organic” up and down when they paid people to make the products and don’t even know what’s in them.

I’ve come to the conclusion that some restaurants just slap “bistro” at the end of their name so they can charge ridiculous amounts for their terribly mediocre food.

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