I recently started watching the Netflix show titled Squid game. Personally, I’d have offered myself to be eliminated or begged for a voluntary exit. But I’ve also been wondering what the game would be like if it was hosted and played in Nigeria with Nigerian contestants.
For this article, I’ve decided to explore this alternate reality.
*Might contain spoilers*
1. A Nigerian won’t stop to talk to anyone at a bus stop except they’ve been jazzed.
First and foremost, you can’t stop a Nigerian at a train station to ask them foolish questions like if they want to play a game or not. Oh, wait. We don’t even have those kinds of train stations in Nigeria.
2. A Nigerian would have slapped you back harder after the first slap.
The slap would have been hard enough to make you forget what you wanted to tell them in the first place. Nigerians don’t turn the other cheek. Nope. Nigerians take revenge so they show you that first to do no dey pain.
3. Most people would have been eliminated after the red light, green light game.
Yes, we have traffic lights in Nigeria, but we don’t respect them. Now, imagine Nigerians respecting a robot. A female robot, no less.
4. Some Nigerians would have eaten the cookie.
I know some Nigerians would have eaten the cookie because I am one of them. There is hunger in the land, please. It takes a lot of effort to see a cookie and not eat it.
5. There’ll never be enough food.
Just imagine giving a Nigerian one egg and sprite for breakfast? Of course, we’ll find multiple ways to disguise and get more food till we’ve exhausted all possible disguises. No one will have to convince game players to kill the cheats. There’ll certainly be blood.
6. There’ll be morning devotion before each game.
Nigerians do not joke with their chances of going to heaven, especially when faced with death. The morning devotion will last long enough to get annoyed and forget the games altogether.
7. Nigerians won’t wait till game time to kill their enemies.
After all, everyone dies eventually. Nigerians won’t wait till game time to kill their enemies. All you have to do is hiss at someone older than you and get eliminated right then.
8. Yoruba people would expect you to respect them even when faced with death.
The possibility of dying in the next few minutes won’t be a justifiable reason to not greet the Yoruba adults properly.
9. Sang-woo’s mother would have killed him before the game did.
A Nigerian mother won’t wait for her son to be killed in a game before killing him herself for the crimes he committed and the shame he brought to her doorstep. She would have killed him twice.
10. The game will end and everyone will find out the host embezzled the prize money.
Not half of the prize money, but the whole thing. The players will realize that they played the game because the host already promised some people premium entertainment.