Every week, Zikoko spotlights the unfiltered stories of women navigating life, love, identity and everything in between. 

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

This week, Marla*, 25, shares how reading her sister’s journal shattered everything she thought she knew. While their family struggled financially, Marla discovered her sister had given away ₦10 million and their late father’s belongings to church members, people who had since abandoned her.

To start, can you describe your relationship with your sister growing up? 

My younger sister and I are very close. We are the closest siblings out of four. We even used to call each other “partne” growing up. Our oldest is 27, I’m 25, she’s 22, and our brother is 19.

How has your family’s financial situation been lately?

I’ll say it’s a bit restricted now. Our mum has a scarcity mindset, so it’s very difficult for her to do anything beyond the basics, like paying school fees and buying a few provisions. We have some savings my father left behind, but my mother earns less than ₦100k monthly, so there’s not much room for anything extra. When it comes to my brother, she doesn’t hold back financially. She pulls from some of the savings she normally would rather die than touch. But he got exposed last year for extorting her, so his access has been limited. That’s why he didn’t get a new phone.

Wait, your brother was extorting your mum? What happened there?

He was basically manipulating her for money. My brother is the only child in a private uni and was always asking for money. Sometimes he would ask for 400-700k for school, only to use it to chill with his friends. He was always taking more than he needed and lying about expenses. When it came out, it was messy. My mum had to pull back from giving him everything he asked for. It created this whole tension in the house.

That must have been difficult to navigate. Juggling that, and you mentioned things are “restricted now.” When did the shift happen? What changed?

It was after my father died. When he was alive, we never lacked anything. He made sure we had everything we wanted and more. After he passed, everything changed. My mum couldn’t maintain that lifestyle on her salary alone, and we all had to adjust.

It’s not like we don’t have any money at all; our mum is just very frugal with money because she’s scared of going broke. It often feels like we’re starving because she only provides the bare minimum, nothing else. This started happening immediately after our Dad died in 2021.

Can you tell us about your father? What was he like when he was alive?

My father was a very good man. He always ensured our excesses were met. He bought everything we asked for. I’ll say we were all spoilt.

It sounds like losing him changed everything for your family. What happened to his belongings after he passed?

We kept some things. My brother sold one of his phones years ago to upgrade to an iPhone. No one really made a big deal about it at the time. But my sister was the one who kept going on about how sentimental our father’s things were.

What do you mean she kept going on about it?

My family didn’t know, but she gave away another of my dad’s phones, which was now hers, because she claimed it was spoiled. I only knew cause I checked her phone. When I eventually told them, they were more annoyed because, almost as if she was deflecting, she kept talking about how sentimental the phone was and how sad she was that it was spoiled. Why lie? No one but my sister really cared about my brother selling my dad’s other phone. So the hypocrisy now.

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So there’s already this pattern of her not being completely honest with the family. Was there a specific moment that made you feel like you needed to find out the truth about what was going on with her?

Yes. My sister was in school, and one time, she suddenly came home. She told different stories to each person about why, so no one really knew the truth.

Different stories about what? Why she left school?

Do I even remember? She said her name was not reflected in the school, she also said that her money finished, she also said her roommate was caught with drugs and the roommate got suspended.

She told my mum she needed a break from school stress. She told me it was financial issues. She told our brother that she no longer liked her course. Everyone got a different version, and none of them added up. I knew something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure out what she was hiding.

That must have been frustrating. What did you do?

I tried to figure out what actually happened by checking her journal, hoping to see the truth about the situation, but instead I saw something else.

What did you see?

I waited until she wasn’t at home before slipping into her room and grabbing the book from under her pillow. I had to be quick, but also knew I would not stop until I found something. 

So I was flipping through, trying to find her entries from her days at school, and I randomly read through them to see if I’d find something. Then the 10 million caught my eye for the second or third time, so I decided to read what she said about it properly. My sister started making money early, and she’s also involved in some NGO startups. So I thought the 10 million was for payment of some things they wanted to distribute during one of their projects.

So you initially thought it was NGO work. What made you realise it wasn’t?

As I kept reading, she wrote about how she felt God told her to give it away. She mentioned giving ₦2 million to specific church members, and the remaining ₦8 million was distributed to pay school fees, assist an ill woman, and give away things. It became clear this was her personal money she was just handing out to people, not NGO funds for a project.

She has now completely fallen out with the people she gave the two million to.

The entire thing just made me wonder if she cares about us at all. There were weeks we’d barely have one square meal a day, and our mother would just repeat, manage ehen? You know Daddy is not around again, so his money must last until all of you are done with school. So my sister was a part of this, was somehow making millions of naira, and she couldn’t feed her family? Maybe I’m entitled, but I will never understand why.

I’m sorry. Besides the money, what was the most shocking “secret” or sentence you read that made you realise you didn’t know your sister as well as you thought?

I saw that she was involved with a married man. And I was really shocked cause what business did she have with him? She also had a boyfriend, even though she kept ringing in our ears that she had never had one.

After claiming God led you to give away millions? While your family is struggling? Did God tell you to open your legs for a married man? And lie about your relationship status? After all you did for church approval? Again, hypocrisy.

What is the vibe of this church, and why do you think she feels such a desperate need to prove herself to them?

The church is a youth church. So the peer pressure there is high. Everyone wants to prove they know God best and are doing the most for his ministry. Meanwhile, they just gossip about and envy each other.

My sister specifically is constantly judging and bad-mouthing these church people. 

So ironic. Can you tell us about that? Why do you think she judges others for a “mistake” she is secretly making herself?

I think it’s part of that envy that runs amongst them. She secretly wants to be like them and fit in. But outwardly, because I frown at their behaviours, she pretends.

Do you know why she fell out with the people she gave #2M? How did she react to that betrayal?

I do not. I just know she cried a lot about their fallout. I believe she still cries over it. Well, she has cut them off now, so I’ll say shege has opened her eyes small.

How does it feel to sit across from her at the dinner table or talk to her every day, knowing all this while she thinks it’s still a secret?

Honestly, I was very angry with her at first that I couldn’t sleep for days, but I feel like she has been brainwashed by her church and peer pressure. And also, if I were very financially stable, I wouldn’t care, so I would just let go. After all, it’s her money.

I’ve clocked out of the family until I can handle them again. Physically, I’ve already moved out, and emotionally, I clocked out years ago. My relationship with my family has always been different from my other siblings. I learned earlier that it is easier to love them from a distance.

Finally, if you could confront her right now with the journal in your hand without any consequences, what is the one thing you would demand to know?

I want to understand why it was more important to her to pay another person’s school fees, even though she knew the family was struggling to pay our brother’s. Why would she give out our father’s phone without first considering that members of the family needed it too? Cause it would have relieved us financially.

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*Name has been changed for privacy.