If you’ve ever found yourself sitting over a toilet, holding a pregnancy test you just peed on and waiting for the results to come in, then we can bet either one of these two things were running through your head.
1. I really hope I’m pregnant, I and the love of my life have been trying for a minute now. And we can’t wait to start our beautiful family.
2. Father, Lord, God I promise you if I’m not pregnant I’ll never fornicate again. Ok, I might but I’m going to always use condoms, get on the pill, get a diaphragm and get an IUD. What the fuck am I going to do if my pregnant?
I spoke to a woman who neither had a beautiful partner ready to start a family with her nor was prepared for a baby, on the moments leading up to and the moments after her pregnancy scare.
First came the ‘symptoms.’
I think I got my first period at 14 (yes I was a late bloomer). And it always came like clockwork. Like my life is pretty anyhow but if there was one constant it was that my period will come every 25th day and last for exactly 5 days and this didn’t change after I became sexually active. So the first time my period was late I had a full blown panic attack. 5 days after the period was supposed to start, no show. I put off taking the test for two whole weeks willing the stupid period to appear. In those two weeks my breasts felt tender, I felt like I was peeing a lot and getting tired easily, According to almighty google, these were early pregnancy symptoms.
I think I spent more time thinking about how the fuck I’ll tell my parents than thinking about what I’d do if I were actually pregnant. And all scenarios ended up with me either being disowned or my father dragging my fornication partner down an aisle by his ears to marry me by force.
Then the home test.
First of all buying the test was so hard and humiliating. I live in Gbagada with my parents and maybe I was being paranoid but I went all the way to Yaba to buy the test. I also waited until I was home alone to use it which was I think two days after I bought it. My mum is a snoop so I really carried the thing with me throughout. As I was peeing on the stick I just kept trying to reassure myself that there was no way I could be pregnant. I sha didn’t have morning sickness and according to the bible of Nollywood, morning sickness is the main sign that you are pregnant. The test was one of those ones where one line indicates you aren’t pregnant and two does. After waiting 5 minutes I got two lines.
When I was gisting my friends after the whole thing, they always think I’m exaggerating about this part. But I actually just sat on that toilet not moving for about two hours, after I saw the test was positive. Like two whole hours. I also remember feeling very cold. I don’t remember crying at least that day. I was just in shock. When I finally got up, I went to my room, laid down and slept. Then I woke up and went to look at the stupid test again as if it will change colour, that’s when I started to panic. I’ve read about panic attacks and seen it in movies but never actually had one. What I went through that day a panic attack is the only way to describe it. It felt like I litreally couldn’t breathe.
What do you do when you get a positive pregnancy test?
I called my friend Olaide*. She’s pretty much like my best friend and she talked to me for hours just trying to calm me down. We went through all the possible scenarios together including how I was going to tell my parents. My plan was to go and throw myself at their feet weeping hysterically and begging their forgiveness. I’m the type of person who likes to rip a bandaid off quickly so I wanted to do it that night and get it over with. The way my chest was tight I didn’t think I could last through the night. Plus I’m even a bad liar, they could ask me how are you in the morning and I’ll just start crying that I’m pregnant o. I’ll have even gone the immaculate conception route, but my mum is a devout Catholic and she’ll have slapped the shit out of me for pulling that kind of stunt. It was Olaide God bless her heart who told me not to be stupid and to, first of all, take another pregnancy test and a blood test before I used my own mouth to ruin my life.
Did you tell the person you had sex with?
No, I never did. Till today he doesn’t even know about the whole incident. It wasn’t someone I was
The follow-up tests.
The next day I told my parents I’d be sleeping over at Olaide’s after work. It was a Monday I remember and we both called in sick. She has pregnancy tests at home because she’s grown up and responsible like that. You know how I didn’t cry when I took the tests for some reason, I did once I saw Olaide and she hugged me. I think it was the look of worry on her face that had reality sink in. She sat in the bathroom with me as I peed on the sticks and tried to take my mind off it. I took two more tests. They were both negative.
Olaide asked if I was sure the first one was positive and I brought it out of my wallet and showed her. So we went to get the blood tests. I didn’t make any doctors appointment or anything. I just walked into this place –
They took my blood and told me I could either sit and wait for the test or come back later.
And your period?
It didn’t come at all that month, then came twice the next month. At that point in my life, I had never used any kind of hormonal birth control so I still don’t know why it happened. I must have run through a dozen pregnancy tests after doing the blood test
See, if I tell you that I learned one thing I’d be lying. I can think of a ton more reckless sexual encounters I’ve had since then. I did get an IUD inserted early this year. But it was mostly because I got into a committed relationship.
*names have been changed.