9 Nigerian Women Talk About Dating Men Vs Dating Women

May 26, 2021

What’s dating a man like when you are also dating women? In this article, nine Nigerian women talk about dating men vs dating women. 

Ini, 31

The first thing I noticed when I started dating women was how quickly we moved from talking stage to saying I love you. With women, it’s easier to put your cards on the table. With guys, we would go from the talking stage to guessing games, back to talking stage. Another difference is that with women, I don’t feel like anybody is waiting for the other person to make the first move. 

During sex, women either know what they’re doing or are willing to learn and eager to please. You know they’re paying attention to your body. Every time I have sex with a woman, she’s constantly checking to make sure I’m okay and present. Finally, there’s a tenderness that comes with dating women that I don’t think I ever experienced with men.

Aduke, 23

Dating men is easier, but it’s not a better experience. I say it easier because men are cheap to be with. I don’t have to put in a lot of effort when I’m interested in a guy. With women, it’s completely different — I’m way more empathetic and considerate. Also, men are clingier than women but women are better listeners. Women have hurt me more, but it’s still women over men any day. 

Aisha, 31 

Dating women is way more awesome. Women have been more courteous and considerate to me. For example, no woman has ever just called me randomly on the talking stage. They always ask first, and I’d have to consent to it before they call. It makes me feel valued as a human being with emotions and choices. Men would just call. Some were even as bold as video calling without agreeing on a time with me. I find it creepy and inconsiderate. The worst incident was a man suggesting he come over to my place after just a few hours of meeting — a huge turn-off. Women extend the consideration I automatically extend to others. With men, dating feels like a chore. 

Obehi, 35

I dated men briefly because society made it seem like I was supposed to. I wouldn’t do it again. At the time, I already knew I was a lesbian but it was not safe for me to be myself. I found dating men reduced my capacity to be myself. Too many things I love about myself had to be negotiated away or silenced for his ego or for the onlookers. My relationships with women have been and remain the most empowering, growth-filled spaces. Even in adversity, my partners and I have an unmatched level of emotional intelligence. We vibe, we encourage each other’s growth, we work well on projects together and individually. 

Though I tend to avoid conflict, the women I have been with have made me feel safe to speak up. Finally, the sex is reciprocal and intimate. We cum as many times as we can handle.

Teju, 23

I prefer dating women to men. Women are more in tune with their emotions and I like that. I’m currently dating a man — I told him I am polyamorous from the beginning, and he said he was cool with it. But as time has passed, it is becoming more of a problem. My ex-girlfriend was more understanding about it. 

Chioma, 21

I dated a stud and it was tough for me because sometimes, I felt like I was dating a man — she had this constant need to show strength; it was exhausting. The soft sweet side of her that I wanted wasn’t what I got. 

I’ve also realised both men and women lie and cheat. I thought sapphic relationships were different, but in my experience, it was pretty much the same. 

Esther, 21

I can say for sure that dating women is better than dating men. With men, you need to know how to play games. You can’t just let your guard down because vulnerability is seen as stupidity. You need to follow all sorts of rules, but when it’s me and my woman, I can fully express how I feel without being seen as hysterical.

Also, women understand more that vaginas are not one size fits all. 

Amaka, 29

I prefer to date women because they are more empathetic. Sex with them is better as well. Women are more expressive, so I don’t have to do guesswork throughout the relationship. We have better conversations, and I get to know them faster. In my experience, men lie too much. I am not saying women don’t lie, but I haven’t caught them, so no face no case. 

Temi, 25

I would say being with women is more stressful for me. One woman was trying to get with me aggressively but stopped because she thought I was a baby gay. Another one wanted to cheat on her girlfriend with me. I almost gave in, but nothing physical happened and I ended up getting closer to her girlfriend. Last year, I was seeing this woman who was after my pocket. She always asked when I would take her out on a date or buy her stuff. I found it distasteful. 

But guys are also stressful. I was seeing this guy who had just moved to Lagos but then work made him move to the UK. He said he couldn’t do long distance and that was annoying to me because he knew he was going to move so why stress me? Long story short, people are stressful. 

Subscribe to our newsletter here.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 9, 2022

Living up to its promise of empowering women to push limits, Mamador joined women all over the world to celebrate international women’s day in line with this year’s theme ‘Break the bias’. The food brand took the celebration to another level with an inspiring video which was released sequel to International Women’s Day and has […]

January 26, 2022

Black don’t crack, black don’t crack but they won’t tell you all the things they do a maintain that gorgeousness. Because we are so generous so we compiled a list of health care tips for 30+ women.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

More from Her

What She Said: I Hate the Word “Disabled”
December 7, 2022

This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 49-year-old Nigerian woman who lost a leg after an okada accident. She talks about waking up to find a stump where her leg used to be, what it’s like to lose a limb and what she thinks about how people treat amputees.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X