Although menopause is a stage almost all women will go through, we wanted to hear directly from those currently experiencing it. How do they cope? What symptoms do they experience? And how can younger women begin to prepare themselves? These are the questions we asked, and these are the answers from seven Nigerian women going through menopause.
“I started understanding why mothers pray at early hours of the morning” – Jumoke*, 58
I usually have a regular period, and it’s only ever off by a day or two, so when three months passed and no blood, I became suspicious. Then came the insomnia. I’d heard a lot about how bad hot flashes could be, but nobody warned me about being unable to sleep. I’d toss and turn for hours but I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. I started understanding why mothers pray at early hours of the morning. It’s not just because they love their children, it’s because menopause isn’t letting us go to bed.
One thing I’ve learnt that helps is a cup of tea right before bed. I got a blend of chamomile and lavender, and it helps relax my body. I still don’t sleep as long or as well as I used to, but it allows me to get four to five hours in.
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“Because of menopause, my hair keeps falling off. Why did nobody tell me that could happen?” – Oluchi*, 55
The one symptom I didn’t expect to happen to me was hair dryness. I’d comb my hair and see strands on the comb. When I wake up, I notice hair on the bedsheet. When I tried to make braids to protect what I had left, there was so much of my hair everywhere. It was so bad, I never did braids again. At a hospital check-up, I mentioned it to my doctor, and she said the reduction in estrogen production was leading to thinning hair. Because of menopause, my hair keeps falling off. Why did nobody tell me that could happen?
Balding at 53 wasn’t something I ever expected, so my way of getting ahead of it was shaving my head completely. I’ve realised that the older you get, the less people care about what you do with your body. So, do whatever you can to manage what menopause is doing to you.
“I could be going about my day and then a feeling of intense cold washes over me” – Yewande*, 50
From the periods that came and left as they liked to insomnia and waking up in a pool of my own sweat, I felt like I had been dealt the worst hand in menopausal symptoms. It started with my period playing hide and seek for months before it completely vanished. Then came cold flashes. While my mates were complaining of intense heat, I was cold a lot. I could be going about my day and then a feeling of intense cold washes over me. My teeth would start clattering and I’d start shaking. Then, before you know it, it’s gone, and my body no longer feels like I’ve been transported to Alaska.
I started menopause earlier than most of my friends, so I became the point of contact for a lot of them when they eventually started experiencing symptoms. One thing to remind yourself is that it’s not a death sentence, and a community of women experiencing similar things will save you. You can exchange tips, share tricks, and figure out a system that helps you manage your symptoms effectively.
“You know how car radiators bring out smoke when the coolant has finished? That’s exactly how I felt” – Ose*, 56
Everyone warns about the hot flashes, and for good reason. It’s the most uncomfortable I’ve been in a long time. Sometimes, it feels as if my body is overheating. You know how car radiators bring out smoke when the coolant has finished? That’s exactly how I felt— like smoke was coming out of my head. It also doesn’t give you any warning. When my daughter showed me the trend of mothers dressing like their daughters and asked why I’m always tying a wrapper, I had to explain that part of it was for comfort. The materials are light and breezy, and I can adjust them easily when I start overheating.
I now walk around with a cold bottle of water and a rechargeable hand fan. That’s my little way of combating the heat I feel both on the outside and inside.
“I wasn’t aware how much estrogen affected the mental state of a person” – Bisola*, 57
My children always said I had slight anger issues, and I’d spent the bulk of my life trying not to go off the rails. But menopause came with an irritability I can’t explain. I’m always snappy and have basically become a nightmare to be around. If it’s not that, it’s the mood swings or the melancholy that washes over me from time to time. I don’t think I’m suicidal, but I do have moments where life feels so heavy and death seems oddly welcoming.
My daughter convinced me to start seeing a therapist. I wasn’t aware how much estrogen affected the mental state of a person. The therapy helps, and I’ve started talking to other women experiencing the same things I am.
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“No woman should feel scared of menopause, because it’s just another phase of growing up” – Joy*, 52
I wasn’t quite aware that menopause was so discomforting. It didn’t just start all at once, my menstrual cycle started reducing gradually. It would disappear for four months, appear for two, then disappear again for six . By the time when I was 49, it had stopped completely. Initially, I didn’t feel much, but by 50, it started getting uncomfortable. I had hot flashes and would break into sudden sweats, then be fine after. There was also fatigue and a lot of back pain. When I spoke to my friend about it, she told me she couldn’t even sleep at night and didn’t understand what was happening.
No woman should feel scared of menopause, because it’s just another phase of growing up. It’s a stage, and it will come and pass, and there are drugs to help cushion the effects.
“It’s not like I wouldn’t want to have sex, but it’s be uncomfortable and irritating” – Aminat*, 52
As someone who was still sexually active up until menopause, vaginal dryness was the most frustrating symptom I had to deal with. It’s not that I didn’t want to have sex, but it was uncomfortable and irritating. I had to deal with rashes and even burns from the friction. When I went to the hospital, they asked when I last saw my period. They gave me a flyer talking about menopausal symptoms. They also asked that I reduce sexual activity until I was fully healed from the damage.
If you’re like me and want to keep being sexually active even in the later stages of your life, you should listen to your body. Only have sex when you really feel like it, and invest in a good lubricant.
Editor’s Note: The image and names used in this article bear no relation to the subjects as the subjects are anonymous
