There are a lot of reasons someone might feel they settled for less than you deserved in a relationship. So, these five Nigerian women talk about the times they settled in their relationship.
Joy, 21
In the first two months of the relationship, I was smitten! We shared similar interests in things, and he used to shower me with attention and gifts. Sadly, the reason I was even in a relationship with him was that I was dealing with a lot of things, and he was the only person that could understand me.
I’m very big on physical fitness because I’m a big enthusiast, but he on the other hand was very lazy and rarely ever worked out. We’re also from two different socioeconomic worlds. I’m very used to classy people and things due to the people I grew up with. He on the other hand was judgemental towards my friends.
Most times I wish I didn’t even allow it to get that far, I should have just friendzoned him, but I was emotionally dependent on him.
Cynthia, 20
There was this guy I had a thing with and the first red flag should have been the fact that he was friends with my exes. At first, we liked each other as friends but, when he broke up with his ex, we became closer.
When our thing started, uncle was doing rotation with me and the ex, but I was trying to be the good and understanding babe. He said he was comforting his ex. Whenever I’m unavailable, he was with her. He’ll now come and say she was the one that called him and he didn’t know how to say no. He came up with excuse that she was always crying and his mum said he should check on her.Whenever i talk to him about it, he always said ‘put yourself in her shoes. Everyone warned me, but I was forming let love lead.
He never smelled nice, and was just plain with no swag. Well, the scale fell off my eyes and when I saw that I had settled, I ran!
Aminat, 25
I started working in like 200 level because my dad was not having sense, my mum’s finances weren’t really good anymore, and I needed to keep up with my baby girl lifestyle. I got a well-paying job, it was remote and I was able to live up to my standard.
I’ve always dated very rich, wealthy, and generous men. Due to that reason, I always got really expensive gifts and lots of money unwarranted. I even got about $25k on my birthday from my ex-husband, but before my ex-husband, there was this man I dated briefly.
This man didn’t have a good-paying job but didn’t want to do better. I even tried to use my network for him, but he just didn’t want to make an effort. He lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with just a mattress on the floor and he turned down so many opportunities that could make him have more money. I think he felt comfortable because he was getting money from me. I wasn’t used to that kind of life.
Atinuke, 27
My friends always tell me I am not the most reasonable person when I am in love, but I can’t help it. He told me he loved me and I fell for his silly words. He and I were in a “special relationship” which was code for him to fuck around and see other people, but I did not mind. I loved him. It was just that he never treated me like any of the other girls he was with. I was very insecure about how I looked, so I latched on to him for any form of validation. He would not reply to any of my texts for days, weeks even.
He saved all of his fancy gifts for his other women, and only messaged me when he needed someone to give him money or find solutions to his problems, and I would go out of my way to borrow money for him. Freelancing was what he did, so he never had a stable source of income. However, when they paid him, they paid him big. Did he ever get me anything though? No. Not even a hundred naira recharge card.
One day, I saw him falling over his feet for another girl on an outing we were on together. He paid for her meal and everything, while I paid for ours. That was when my brain reset and I left him. Did not even explain anything to him. Then when he comes into my dms to ask for help, I just reply him with “eyah”.
Bola, 21
We’ve been together for four years, and he has hurt me so much in that time. He’s manipulative and never likes to address issues. He just likes to sweep everything under the rug. I love him, but at this point, I think I am looking for someone else. He would lie about unnecessary things like where he is. He is also a serial flirt, and he forces me to accept it. Once, he asked a girl he cheated on me with to block me because I brought up the comments he leaves on her Instagram account. I felt so stupid. He has told me a lot of times that he would do whatever he wants, and I would just have to deal with it. I currently live with him, but I am saving up to get my own place. I’ve taken so much, and I can’t wait to disappear.
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