We Ranked Everything In A Small Chops Pack

March 11, 2019
After Jollof, nothing unifies Nigerians like small chops. I guess it helps that it’s made up of several parts. And we all have the opportunity to pitch our tents in different camps, be it samosa or puff puff. What is undeniable is that Nigerians love their small chops. But what is the best part of small chops and what’s the grunt of the pack? I ranked everything in a small chops pack from the very worst it has to offer to the best.

Samosa

I’ve heard all the arguments for Samosa. ‘You just have to eat it hot’ ‘It depends on who made it’ ‘It’s just the way it’s made here’. All of these don’t take away from the fact that 9 out of 10 times, samosa is the worst thing about small chops. And I’ll keep anyone who thinks otherwise in my thoughts and prayers.

Gizzard

The only place gizzard belongs, is chopped into small bits and put into fried rice. That way you don’t realize how unremarkable it is because it’s accompanied by supporting characters. No matter how well spiced it might be, nothing can’t get rid of gizzard’s blandness. And it might be the worst thing about small chops if samosa didn’t exist.

Spring rolls

I have no feelings towards spring rolls. I’ll eat it because it’s already in the small chops pack but it’s definitely not the first thing I’d go for. But when it’s straight out the fire spring rolls can be an absolute delight. Especially when it’s adequately stuffed with fillings. And it’s not just layers and layers of thin dough some people try to pass off as spring rolls.

Chicken

Because it’s disrespectful to give a Nigerian any sort of food that doesn’t contain at least one dead animal, chicken has to be present in a small chops pack. Or some other meat substitute. P.S.A. Fish is not a substitute for chicken. Anyone who includes fish in a small chops pack clearly has issues they need to work out with a psychologist.

Mosa

I’ve already strapped on my boxing gloves to fight anyone who argues with me on this. Mosa is the second best thing in a pack of small chops. And it’s not just because it’s a combination of my favourite food – plantain, and my worst guilty indulgence – deep fried food. When done right, Mosa is the perfect combination of sweet and salty your tastebuds will thank you for.

Puff puff

Puff puff is easily the best thing about small chops. Especially when it’s still steaming hot and has just the right amount of doughiness. The only problem with puff puff is that when it’s not steaming hot, it quickly slides down the ranks to the bottom of the list. Because there’s nothing worse than cold puff puff. Hot malt comes close, but cold puff puff will always be the worst.

Honorary mention – Peppered Snail

No matter how shitty a pack of small chops might be, the one thing that can elevate it is peppered snail. You don’t always find snail in a pack of small chops and I think it’s criminal that it’s not a staple part of it, like puff puff or samosa.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 30, 2023

Also: Hustleprint launches tomorrow! Vol 15 | 30-01-2023 View in Browser Brought to you by | Can you leave your career decisions to God? Before we get into today’s stories on money, I have an announcement. We’re launching a new flagship tomorrow. It’s a double-packed column where we interview someone successful in a field and […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

More from Chopist

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X