After Jollof, nothing unifies Nigerians like small chops. I guess it helps that it’s made up of several parts. And we all have the opportunity to pitch our tents in different camps, be it samosa or puff puff. What is undeniable is that Nigerians love their small chops. But what is the best part of small chops and what’s the grunt of the pack? I ranked everything in a small chops pack from the very worst it has to offer to the best.

Samosa

I’ve heard all the arguments for Samosa. ‘You just have to eat it hot’ ‘It depends on who made it’ ‘It’s just the way it’s made here’. All of these don’t take away from the fact that 9 out of 10 times, samosa is the worst thing about small chops. And I’ll keep anyone who thinks otherwise in my thoughts and prayers.

Gizzard

The only place gizzard belongs, is chopped into small bits and put into fried rice. That way you don’t realize how unremarkable it is because it’s accompanied by supporting characters. No matter how well spiced it might be, nothing can’t get rid of gizzard’s blandness. And it might be the worst thing about small chops if samosa didn’t exist.

Spring rolls

I have no feelings towards spring rolls. I’ll eat it because it’s already in the small chops pack but it’s definitely not the first thing I’d go for. But when it’s straight out the fire spring rolls can be an absolute delight. Especially when it’s adequately stuffed with fillings. And it’s not just layers and layers of thin dough some people try to pass off as spring rolls.

Chicken

Because it’s disrespectful to give a Nigerian any sort of food that doesn’t contain at least one dead animal, chicken has to be present in a small chops pack. Or some other meat substitute. P.S.A. Fish is not a substitute for chicken. Anyone who includes fish in a small chops pack clearly has issues they need to work out with a psychologist.

Mosa

I’ve already strapped on my boxing gloves to fight anyone who argues with me on this. Mosa is the second best thing in a pack of small chops. And it’s not just because it’s a combination of my favourite food – plantain, and my worst guilty indulgence – deep fried food. When done right, Mosa is the perfect combination of sweet and salty your tastebuds will thank you for.

Puff puff

Puff puff is easily the best thing about small chops. Especially when it’s still steaming hot and has just the right amount of doughiness. The only problem with puff puff is that when it’s not steaming hot, it quickly slides down the ranks to the bottom of the list. Because there’s nothing worse than cold puff puff. Hot malt comes close, but cold puff puff will always be the worst.

Honorary mention – Peppered Snail

No matter how shitty a pack of small chops might be, the one thing that can elevate it is peppered snail. You don’t always find snail in a pack of small chops and I think it’s criminal that it’s not a staple part of it, like puff puff or samosa.