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  • Shopping online in Nigeria is not for the weak. Because even after online vendors waste time in taking and confirming your order, you still have to pursue them to deliver the product. And then you open the long-awaited package, you see something completely different from what you ordered. 

    These seven Nigerians share their awful experiences shopping with online vendors. 

    She left me on read

    — Lisa, 23

    I bought a dress from a “friend”. After waiting at least two months, the dress arrived and I was heartbroken. The fabric was trash, it was too short, and it just looked ugly. I texted her and even sent pictures and videos to complain but she left me on read. It seems she also blocked me from viewing her WhatsApp statuses because I never saw her statuses again even though I see her texting on our school group chat. 

    She said she had a no refund policy

    — Dora, 25

    My friend wanted to buy a gift for his girlfriend, so he came to me and I went online and found a tailor who makes ready-to-wear dresses on Ig. I paid to have four dresses made. When the dresses arrived, they didn’t fit and the sewing looked tacky. It was an all-around bad job. When we reached out to her, she became very hostile, saying she had a no refund policy. We had to let it go. 

    Related: 5 Things We Secretly Wish for While Shopping Online 

    They were so bad, I had to buy a replacement gift

    — Jerry*, 27

    After searching for weeks for a birthday gift for my friend, I found an IG vendor who sold designer bags. Worst ₦50K ever spent, because I bought two of them for two different people. The bags looked so bad that I had to buy a replacement gift.

    It was useless to me

    — Tayo, 26

    Went online to shop for school supplies and I decided to get a backpack. When I thought I’d found the perfect one — because it came with sections for my charger, laptop, and books — I didn’t believe what was delivered to me because it couldn’t even fit one book. I still think it looks really nice but it’s not functional, so it’s useless to me. 

    They wouldn’t fit, so I gave them to charity

    — Cecilia*, 26

    Online vendors are actually after my life. They’re either two sizes smaller or bigger — no middle ground. The most terrible experience was last year when I bought corporate thrift dresses in bulk from an online store with plans to resell. They actually looked like the picture — only way bigger than advertised. After spending about ₦40K on them, none fit my customers. I kept them for months before I finally gave them to charity. 

    I looked like a joke in the shoes

    — Ariel*, 24

    Some online vendors are wicked. Because, after bombarding me with ads for leather shoes, I decided to give her a try. When it arrived, it looked like rubber. I felt like a joke, so I just blocked her number. 

    They tried to gaslight me and called me dramatic

    — Tope, 25

    The one incident has particularly scarred me from online shopping. It wasn’t so much that they got my order wrong as the vendor’s attitude toward me. They sent a picture of the finished product and the colour was yellow instead of white as I ordered. And instead of apologizing, they tried to gaslight me, accusing me of being dramatic. After a series of back and forths, they asked for my account number to give me a refund since they hadn’t already sent it out. It was so upsetting but at least I got my money back. 

    I wanted an oversized tee but this neck can fit two people

    — David, 28

    Two months ago, I placed an order on a popular shopping site but I was appalled by what I got. I wanted an oversized tee but the neck of this could fit two people! The package now sits beautifully in a corner since I can’t wear it. 

    Your next read: What to Do When a Nigerian Vendor Moves Mad

    Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

  • With the very interesting housemates in the BBNaija House this year, we’re curious to know which of them matches your personality.
    So take this quiz.

  • Among the list of totally natural things Nigerians consider wrong and disrespectful is being left-handed. Why? We’re not sure. 

    But regardless of how you feel about people using their left hand, here are some statements you shouldn’t be saying to them. 

    You use your left hand? Eyah, kpele 

    Sure, it’s hard for lefties to survive in a world designed for right-handed people. But it’s definitely not a disability, so please keep your fake pity to yourself. 

    Use your other hand 

    At this point, we’re convinced Nigerians hate to see you happy, because tell us wetin consine you? Why would someone using their left hand to function bother you so much?

    Why didn’t your parents try to change you? 

    We don’t know what you’re trying to say, but this is giving “they should have switched you at the hospital”. 

    Who are you giving something with your left hand? 

    This is not even a question that needs an answer. 

    We’ve asked: Interview With Left Hand: “Why Do Nigerians Think I’m a Bad Hand?” 

    You must be very smart

    Even though you mean this as a compliment, left-handed people don’t take it as such. Trust us, we asked. No one wants to deal with the pressure and unrealistic expectations of being smart or creative based on handedness. Also, it’s a myth. Rest.

    Why are you eating with your left hand?

    How would you like it if someone asked you why you’re so dull? Since we’re asking all the obvious questions now. 

    Have you tried to use your right hand before? 

    Hmmm, have you tried to use your brain before? 

    You must be stubborn 

    Where did you get this idea? If refusing to change the hand they use simply to fit in, means being stubborn, then maybe we should all be stubborn, TBH. 

    Also read: If You Grew Up Left-Handed, Allow Us Tell Your Story 

  • Nollywood has come a long way, and this simple quiz will show if you’ve been paying attention to the journey.

  • We grew up watching these cartoons, and for International Cat Day, we’re curious to know which of the cats most represents your personality.

    Find out at the end of this quiz.

  • They say the best things in life are free. And in our opinion, money is one of these things. So here are some tips on how to make money without necessarily working for it. 

    Participate in giveaways 

    With so much money to be won online, we wonder why you’d choose to suffer at any job. Some people already make a living this way. Better join the train. 

    We await the good news: How To Win Don Jazzy’s Giveaways

    Get married

    Or at least, say you’re getting married. Do you know how much people pay for asoebi? When you tell them the wedding got cancelled, they’d pity you too much to ask for a refund. 

    Become a sugar baby

    All you have to do is go to the right places and meet the right people. You might still have to ‘work’, but at least it’s the good kind. 

    Here’s how: 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get a Glucose Guardian 

    Start a pyramid scheme

    Get two people to bring two people who’d bring another two. Nothing lasts forever, so they won’t be surprised when you say it crashed. 

    Be the last born

    Everyone knows the only thing last-borns are good at is eating, sleeping and billing their older siblings for money they neither earned nor worked for. 

    Become a Nigerian politician 

    Talk about eating a piece of the national cake! 

    Start here: The 10 Stages Of Becoming A Nigerian Politician

    Sell your body

    No, not in the way you think… even though that could work too. Your body is a goldmine; you should be cashing out already. Whether it’s selling your eggs, sperm, blood, or organs, you’re sure to make a large sum. 

    Also read: All You Need to Know About Donating Sperm in Nigeria

  • Sometimes introverts agree on plans to go out, only to start regretting it when the day of reckoning draws nearer. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or you don’t want to spend time with your friends; you’d just rather do it in the confines of your house. So here are some very practical excuses to help introverts cancel any outing. 

    Elections are coming

    What type of citizen would you be if you chose to party, instead of staying indoors, praying for the country? It’s not even safe during these periods, so it’s better to stay in your house, watch and pray diligently. 

    This is an image of a Nigerian praying

    You have Covid 

    This excuse is the only good thing that came out of this virus. Trust us, this excuse will get you out of any outing because who wants to get infected?

    Just make sure you tell them over the phone, so you can punctuate your speech with a few coughs here and there. 

    Image of a sick boy 

    The ground is moving 

    Yes, your flatmate had cake in the freezer and you ate it all because you were starving. And now the ground is shifting, your neck is turning, you’ve forgotten how to breathe, you think you’re gonna die.

    They’ll immediately get it that you’ve had edibles and you can’t find your way out of the house. 

    This is an image of somebody crying dramatically 

    Editor’s pick: We Imagined a Nigerian Mother Trying Edibles for the First Time 

    My mum had a dream

    Everyone knows Nigerian mothers are always dreaming up reasons for you to not go out. So just tell them  your mother had a dream and they’ll not question you. I mean, what type of friend would ask you to disobey your own mother?

    An image of a mother warning her daughter

    Stay woke: 5 Reasons Why Dreams Are the Worst Things Ever 

    Your landlord locked you in

    This is for people who stay on their own. Make sure you’ve started complaining about your landlord days before D-day. So on that day, just tell them somebody scratched the landlord’s car and now he’s not letting anybody in or out the compound.

    These things happen: These Ridiculous Rules Prove That Nigerian Landlords Are From Hell 

    Your phone battery is low

    Nobody will question you when you tell them you can’t leave the house with an almost-dead phone. End the call mid-sentence and put your phone on airplane mode. They’ll assume your phone died and go on with their plans. Beware of people who always carry power banks around sha.

    You’re watching your neighbour’s pet

    Your neighbour had a family emergency and had to travel for a few days, and he left his pet in your care. And surely, you can’t possibly abandon the poor thing to sit alone in your apartment.

    What to look out for: 6 Signs Your Dog Is An Introvert

    This is an image of someone shrugging

    You have a work thing 

    Short and simple. You’re a slave to capitalism, so when your masters call, you answer. 

    This is an image of someone saluting 

    Skincare is expensive

    You can’t take the risk of being around other humans that could touch you and ruin all the progress you’ve started making. 

    An image of a man avoiding a woman’s touch

    There’s food at home 

    The oldest and most effective line in Nigerian history. Tell them you do not encourage bad behaviour in these trying times, and as such will not be eating out when you have food at home. 

    Your next read: 8 Little Things That Fill Every Introvert’s Heart With Joy

  • Every track on Renaissance was a hit, but only one song on the album reflects your true personality. Take this quiz to find out.

  • With many Nigerians’ behaviours influenced by culture and religion, expressing gratitude even for the barest minimum is seen as a sign of respect. So here are some of the very basic things Nigerians love to be appreciated for.

    Refunding money they borrowed 

    Even if it’s your money, don’t you know that times are hard? They could have easily run off with your money, faked their death, or simply just refused to pay back. But they didn’t, so you should be grateful, kneel down and thank them profusely for doing you the favour of returning your own money. 

    Telling you the truth

    Because Nigerian men are prone to lying, they like to be appreciated for simply telling the truth. Talking about, “You should be happy I told you the truth; what if I had lied?” 

    Having sex with them

    Sex is hard work, so if you find someone that can go three whole rounds without muscle cramps, and also make you cum, maybe you should thank them actually.

    RELATED: 7 Nigerians Talk About The Best Sex They’ve Ever Had  

    Following you on social media 

    Don’t you know that follower count is almost as important as body count? If not, why would they be replying “ifb” under every viral tweet? So if someone does you the honour of following you, maybe you could should a little more gratitude? The same thing applies to people that interact with your content. Be saying thank you for each comment, please.

    RELATED: How to Get Your Crush to Notice You Online

    For paying for your service 

    Nigerians want you to thank them for patronising you, for paying the price y’all agreed on or just even paying you at all tbh. 

    For rendering a service

    What’s better than paying Nigerians in cash? Paying in many thanks and gratitude. If you don’t agree, just go to your local hairdresser and attempt to leave after paying without saying thank you first. 

    RELATED: 5 Things Hairdressers Need To Stop Doing  

    For eating your food 

    Did you really grow up in a Nigerian home if you never had to thank your mother and father after each meal?

    ALSO READ: 9 Perfectly Normal Things Nigerians Always Deny  

  • We’ve all been subject to clownery at some point in our lives, so in celebration of Clown’s week, we like to reveal just how much of a clown you are.

    Take this quiz to find out.