• Remember, the goal is to get your crush’s attention. So, let’s go.

  • After the week that just passed in his house, we worry about Biggie’s mental health, because what was that chaos? Here’s a recap. 

    Eloswag won head of house 

    Making it his second time, and the fourth in a row, level 1 is winning the head of house challenge.

    Sheggz and Adekunle fought 

    Adekunle said Shella was Sheggz’s strategy, and Sheggz said he didn’t think Adekunle was straightforward. Since then, the vibe between the two has been awkward. But after Sheggz claimed Adekunle put Groovy up for eviction to spite him, the two started shouting at each other, and the other housemates were surprised at the bust of anger by the diplomatic Adekunle.

    Deji and Dotun gossiped about other housemates

    Deji had an earful to say about the ladies in the house, like how he was more aroused by Chomzy than Chichi, there’s no real ship in the house and Doyin is secretly jealous of the Shella ship.

    Level 2 won the wager

    Last week’s task was on Afrofuturism, and even though each housemate brought their A-game, level 2 won.  

    Level 1 and 2 exchanged a housemate 

    On Friday, Groovy was moved to Level 1, while Deji took his place in Level 2. Your fave, Phyna, was sulking because of the departure of her lover. Groovy, on the other hand, told Chomzy that Phyna was just like a mother to him. Fear men.

    Hermes and Allyson kissed

    No one can deny the passion that was carried in that single kiss. Although, some Allyson stans are not happy about this because Hermes made it clear he had not one but two relationships outside the house.

    Diana and Rachel fought 

    While we watched Eloswag, Hermes and Doyin burst the latest moves at the Saturday party, Diana and Rachel were in a corner having a squabble about Giddyfia.


    Learn a thing or two: 6 Relationship Lessons We’ve Learnt From BBN “Level Up” So Far 


    Kess and Pharmsavi were evicted

    This didn’t come as a surprise because they were up against Groovy, Chizzy, Modella and Amaka, so we kinda saw it coming.

    Groovy and Phyna sex rumours

    Amaka was supposed to tell people about Groovy and Phyna being together, but somewhere down the grapevine, it changed to a rumour of them having sex.

    Chichi and Diana also fought 

    We don’t want to believe it was just because of wardrobe space Chichi was raining insults, threatening to scatter Diana with her mouth. She even went ahead to throw Diana’s things in the bin.

    Both houses were merged on Sunday 

    Finally! With both levels in the same house, new friendships are forming, and ships maybe? Amaka and Giddyfia already shared an under-the-duvet moment, so we have our eyes open for that.


    Wouldn’t you want to know? QUIZ: Which BBN “Level Up” Housemate Matches Your Personality?

  • Trust Zikoko to know what you do behind closed doors. So take this quiz and we’ll give you a special nickname in bed.

  • When your lecturer says, “A is for God, B is for me,” you already know you’re in trouble and you have to put in extra effort to pass the course. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t. And here are some telltale signs you’re going to carry over a course. 

    You go blank in the hall 

    This is the first sign of doom. And if you’ve ever been in this situation, you know just how frustrating it is, especially if you actually tried your best to prepare. But at the sight of the first question, your brain decides to go completely go blank and the only thing you can think of is “God abeg o, who go help oh”.

    You have no idea what the compulsory question is saying

    The moment you check your question paper and realize the one topic you decided to skip came out as the compulsory question and two follow-up questions. So now you’re stuck in the hall calculating how many marks you need to pass.

    You need this How to Pass an Exam Without Reading: a Zikoko Guide


    After the exam, you can’t relate to other people’s answers

    Immediately after the exam, you see people discussing and you decide to join in. But while the argument is whether the correct answer is east or west, your own was semo. 

    When you can’t even remember writing the exam 

    The exam was so traumatizing, you completely blocked it out of your memory. In your mind, you know you already failed, so you’re mentally preparing for the next time you have to retake it.

    When you refused to buy the lecturer’s textbook

    You decided to call his bluff even after his numerous threats and warnings. But on the exam day, he shows up in the hall and separates those who have the book from those who don’t, right before he announces an open book exam.

    You get to the hall and your formation gets scattered

    They don’t just separate you from your friends, but they put you in the front row with your ex’s new partner, and now you’re trying to figure everything out on your own.

    When you miss the most important class 

    The one day you decide to stab a class is the same day the lecturer arrives early to class, takes attendance, shares his area of concentration, gives assignments, and even has a pop quiz — all of which constitute 60% of your total grade.

    You feel the sudden inclination to learn a trade 

    You already knew that school na scam. But after the particular exam, you find yourself checking out skills and job opportunities for people that don’t require education. You realize that your grades don’t define you, and you were always better with your hands anyway.


    Carryovers are scary, but they’re not the end of the world, that’s why We Asked 5 Nigerian Students How They Dealt With Failing a Course

  • Nigerian parents are the best. But they can also be very cunning, manipulative and flat-out, harsh. So if you grew up with typical Nigerian parents, you can definitely relate to these things they do that are lowkey giving toxic. 

    They compare you to others 

    “Does the person that came first have two heads?” “Can’t you see how *insert characteristic of your neighbour’s child* is?” “Why can’t you be a Lawyer like your cousin; which one is this music you want to be doing?”.


    Jot things down: 8 Solid Ways to Become Your Parents’ Favourite Child


    They make fun of your appearance 

    Charity begins at home, and so does bullying. Nigerian parents will tease you so much with your size, head shape, big nose, or even receding hairline. You’ll either become very conscious of it or develop tough skin. 

    Punish you without giving space for you to explain yourself

    We all know trying to talk while they’re scolding you is the greatest sign of disrespect. They expect you to obey first and then you can complain later. 

    Instead of apologising, they’ll bribe you with gifts 

    Nigerian parents are never wrong. But if by some twist in the universe, you happen to be right and them wrong, they’ll use gifts, food, and even tough love to get you to forgive them.


    This will come in handy: How to Fight Your Nigerian Parents and Win


    Don’t allow you express your emotions 

    Why would you beat a child and ask them not to cry forgossake? And they legit get angry that you’re angry they refused to give you back your money they were “keeping” for you.

    They’ll say one thing when they mean another 

    You: Do you think… *insert a question*? 

    Nigerian parent: What’s my own? Do what you want oh.

    You: *go ahead to do what you want*

    Nigerian parent: *complains bitterly* 


    Take a look: Every Nigerian Mother Makes These 10 Annoying Passive Aggressive Statements 


    Promise and fail

    Ah, trust Nigerian parents at your own risk. Remember all the times your mother pleaded with you to tell her the truth, and promised that if you did, she wouldn’t get angry or tell your dad? How did that end? 

    They’re masters of emotional blackmail

    When they see they’ve exhausted all the points in an argument, they’ll tell you that if you cared about them, then you would agree to their request. 


    Now will be a good time to know how much like them you’ve become You’re Lowkey Turning Into Your Nigerian Parent if You Get 12/17 on This Quiz

  • We’re curious to know what your toxic trait is from how you decide to make your podcast. Please, answer ALL questions as honestly as possible.

  • We asked for drama and Big brother said, “Hold my beer.” With two houses, fake housemates and the general chaos of this season, it’s hard to imagine the show is just barely four weeks old. From love trapeziums, friendship spats and individual conflicts, there are some important lessons to learn.

    Every disappointment is a blessing

    Sometimes you have to let go of something to get something better. Remember how distraught Groovy was when Beauty got disqualified? He was literally moping around the house. But look at him now — the most sought-after and honestly, we love it for him.

    If you see what you want, go for it 

    Even though the feeling may not be reciprocated, at least, you tried. I mean, look at Doyin — or maybe if Amaka had simply told Groovy how she felt about him, he would have been with her instead of Phyna. 

    Love fiercely and fearlessly

    With the amount of breakfasts flying around, we understand why you’d be scared to wear your heart on your sleeve. Sure, people may call you a simp. But if we’ve learnt anything from the “Shella” ship is that, if you love someone you have to be intentional. Tell them and show them. 

    You should totally find out QUIZ: Plan a Date and We’ll Reveal Your BBN Soulmate 

    Men will stain your white 

    Know this and know peace. Don’t lose sight of your goal because of a few hours of pillow talk and under-the-duvet moments. Because the same man you’ll get in trouble for, will not only replace you, he’ll do it a week after your ‘split’ and with your friend. We’re sure Beauty is boiling watching Groovy all loved up with Phyna. Smh. 

    Love is wicked

    Somebody will like you but you’ll say you don’t like them, you like somebody else, but that person will not like you because they’re chasing someone who doesn’t rate them. And that’s how, just like that, breakfast has touched everybody. 

    Pro tip: Na mumu dey love. Always stay guiding.

    Set boundaries and know where to draw the line

    Never accommodate something you’re not okay with even if it’s done by someone you care about. For Khalid, having sex on live television might have been okay, but he chose to draw the line at drinking alcohol. And who are we to judge?

    In case you missed last week: BBNaija7 Week 3: Everything You Need to Know 

  • We can guess which BBN Level Up housemate you’re most compatible with from your idea of a perfect date.

  • If you ever wished you had different parents, this is your chance. Get to the end of this quiz and we’ll match you to your Nollywood Parents.

  • The saying “Different strokes for different folks” also applies to the jobs we do. Because different professions have different unwritten and unspoken rules that guide them, we decided to find out what they were. So, before you think of venturing into any of these career paths, here are some of the unofficial rules you should know.

    Graphic designer

    A very important rule for up-and-coming designers is to ensure you add an extra day for sleep and rest when giving a timeline for your work.  It’s also normal to assume a person is judging your design process simply because they’re watching you work.

    Writer 

    Always have your notes close. Whether it’s on your phone or an actual notepad, make sure you have something to jot things down. Ideas come at weird times, and if you don’t write them down, you’ll forget. Or worse, you’ll end up with a topic later on, but no idea how you got there.

    Customer service officer

    We say we’re happy to get back to you just so we can get off the call. Scam. We actually aren’t looking forward to calling you back.

    Project manager

    Even if the job says 9-5, you’ll be stuck talking to developers at night.

    Photographer 

    There’s only so much Photoshop can do to help with bad make-up. But don’t tell your client their makeup is ugly sha, especially if it’s a wedding. Just run it like that and do the best you can.

    Make-up artist

    Be ready to be their assistant because even though your job is about the face, you‘ll also have to look after their whole fit. So you’ll help with zipping dresses, adjusting jewellery, fixing weaves, etc. — things they didn’t pay you for.

    .

    Software developer

    You can’t tell a client that wants to build an app that his idea is not very smart.

    Teacher 

    You have to keep a low online profile. Kids will always be snooping around the internet to see what you’re up to outside of school. So if you must be online, make sure your accounts are private or at least PG-approved. And don’t use a particular phrase too much because your students will turn it into your nickname.

    Hairstylist

    Always be observant of your client’s mood. Do they want silence or do they want to gist? This will influence how you interact with them. Although most times, they may want to rant, so your job is to listen.

    Artist

    Always use references, as you need to have others to copy from. Also, keep in mind that clients will always promise future jobs when asking for discounts. Don’t fall for it, because if they eventually refer you to others, it’ll be other clients begging for discounts too. 

    Before you leave, here are 8 Sure-Fire Ways to Land Your Dream Job