Yes, we get it, leg day is scary. So many things could go wrong on this dreaded day, from your legs giving way mid-workout to your shorts ripping to reveal your bum while you’re dropping it low mid squat. But the truth is, with going to the gym, random accidents can happen regardless of what you’re working on. Then there are the men who see the squat rack and immediately think to themselves, “But what do I need a big booty for?”, Well, while doing lunges might give you a big booty (nothing bigger than what God planned by way of genetics), training your legs, in general, does a lot more than that. Did you know your gluteus maximus a.k.a your booty is the biggest muscle group in your body? Not those rock-hard abs or bulging biceps, it’s your behind!
With this in mind, we’ve compiled 5 reasons you shouldn’t skip leg day. Read and be blessed.
It helps you build more muscles….all over
There’s a common misconception that working on your legs only builds, well, your legs. However, this isn’t the case. While your legs might be the primary focus, these moves also engage several other muscle groups. For instance, when you squat, you have to tighten your core, which in turn works your abs. Then there’s the scientific evidence which shows that performing leg-focused exercises increases your testosterone levels, increasing your muscle mass and your performance in the bedroom. Yes, that too!
You get to burn more calories
Remember we mentioned legs being the biggest muscle group? Well, to work on a muscle group like that, you’d need a lot of energy, which means your body will have to burn more calories. Talk about practical magic – the more you train legs, the better your metabolism works and the more calories you burn. Running up and down like your enemies are chasing you is a good way to burn calories, but let’s suggest mixing it up with some squats, lunges, and deadlifts. You’ll thank us for this combo.
You perform better at other exercises
Once your legs are in top shape, chances are you’ll find it easier to perform other routines. From running to lifting heavy weights, your legs are the foundation of every move you make. If you avoid training legs, your strength at the gym will be limited, and in this tough economy, we’re sure you don’t want to waste your gym subscription.
You don’t want to look like Johnny Bravo
We all know those guys in the gym, the ones who strut around the weights room, invisible from the waist down. Yeah, trust us when we say you don’t want to be that guy.
Working on your legs reduces your chances of getting injured
Ever blown your back out in the gym? It’s nothing like the sexual version, trust us. You should know that lower back pain is oftentimes caused by weak muscles, particularly weak legs. Strengthen your leg muscles, bruh.
The next time you walk into the gym and think squatting is a “women’s” thing, think again. Also, what’s wrong with a man having a booty?
Ever looked at your TV and thought to yourself, “Damn, I’ve seen this face before”? Some celebrities look so much alike, there’s a strong chance even their parents might get confused. And for some, you can’t really tell what it is, you just get a feeling that somebody’s father must have played away match in the 1980s. Either way, it’s time to put on your glasses and help us solve this mystery.
Oge Okoye and Future
Nollywood campus bad girl, Oge Okoye, and the father of many nations, Future are two celebrities who look alike in a very weird way. Their case qualifies as one of those where you just can’t put a finger on what the facial connection is, but you just know it’s there. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
May-D and Adekunle Gold (Pre-AG Baby Glow Up)
Before manifesting DILF energy, Adekunle Gold could’ve easily passed for May-D’s younger brother. Take a close look; you see it, right? There’s just something there. Maybe it’s the lips. Maybe it’s the struggle on their faces. We’ll let you decide.
Funke Akindele and Taraji P Henson
Talented, successful and funny as hell, there’s no denying the fact that Funke Akindele and Taraji P. Henson have a lot in common. But have you noticed that they also look alike? The resemblance is lowkey unsettling.
2Face and Joe El
It’s one thing to look like someone (it was probably a photocopier issue in heaven), but to sound like the same person? No, we think it’s time to interrogate somebody’s dad. Joe El not only looks and sounds like 2face, he was also signed to Kennis Music, the same label that helped 2face breakout post-Plantashun Boiz.
The biggest women-only festival in Lagos is BACK. Get your tickets here for a day of fun, networking and partayyyyy
MI and Kendrick Lamar
One is a short black boy from Jos who came heavy into the Nigerian music scene and changed the rap game forever. The other is a Tupac-inspired rapper from Compton with flows that have won him multiple Grammys. Apart from being goats in their respective industries, MI and Kendrick Lamar also share the same face. Are we hoping for a joint album based on our busy body discovery? Hell yes!
Peter Okoye and Usher
We all saw this one the minute the video for Senorita dropped back in the day. Paul would’ve been on this list, but he decided to switch up his hairstyle and we don’t make the rules.
Nneka and Di’ja
Di’ja and Nneka are not related. We felt the need to say this out loud in the hopes that it would become real to us too. Looking at this picture, it’s easy to assume it’s the same person, but with different backdrops. The universe is playing tricks and it’s not funny at all.
Porsha Williams and Chioma Goodhair
You only need to stare at them for ten seconds to come to the conclusion that they’re related. Not only do they look alike, they’re also reality TV queens and are well-versed in the art of entertaining chaos.
Saucy Santana and Davido
We don’t know if Davido will ever cross-dress, but thanks to Saucy Santana, we know what Baba Imade will look like if he does. Just negodu their beard.
Naomi Campbell and Kika Osunde
The lips, the jawlines, the face, the cheekbones and the hair on these ladies? This is too much. If Queen Naomi hasn’t already gotten her relatives to take a lie-detector test and open up about her estranged relatives, now’s the time.
Naomi Campbell and Vee Iye
We’re still standing on business and maintaining that a lie-detector test is necessary cause ain’t no way. The uncanny resemblance between two Nigerian hotties is more than a mere coincidence. Anyway, Hollywood should better come for Vee or Kika when it’s time to roll that Naomi biopic.
Emeka Ike and Derek Luke
We don’t know what Derek Luke charges these days but if Nollywood needs to cast an identical twin for Emeka Ike, this is the man for the job.
Sam Dede and Ving Rhames
If their post and body buildup isn’t enough to convince you that these two are doppelgangers, look out for these three things: The smirk on their faces, their moustaches and noses.
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Wole Soyinka and Morgan Freeman
These iconic stars are both in their 80s. Soyinka is older with a three-year gap but looking at these pictures, one could easily assume that they were twin brothers in another life. Whoever plays Soyinka in a biopic might as well do a decent job in a Freeman biopic.
Kanayo O Kanayo and Meek Mills
One is a veteran in Nollywood notoriously loved for his movie roles as a ritualist. The other one is an American rapper who loves causing chaos on the internet. If you ask us what they share in common, it’s the fact that they can play the younger and older versions of each other thanks to their resemblance.
Sambasa Nzeribe and Chadwick Boseman
Rest in peace to the iconic Hollywood actor, Chadwick Boseman, but we need Marvel to cut our Nigerian brother a fat cheque for another Wakanda Forever instalment.
Take a second, think deeply, and ask yourself: how many times have you been completely honest when answering the question “How are you?” The truth is, our regular responses to this question tend to be reflex answers, not sincere ones. So think again; if you’re doing this, chances are, your guys are probably doing it too.
With the world (and Nigeria in particular) constantly moving mad, we need to check on each other beyond social media bants. Here are five ways to intentionally check up on the men in your life.
Hit them up with something they’re interested in: As we said before, “how are you?” has casted. One of the best ways to truly gauge how your friend is feeling is by having general, everyday conversations with them. You know what he likes, right? DM him memes that get him going, ask his thoughts about something he’s passionate about, send him Twitter beef; basically, try to make the conversation as normal as possible. From the flow of your conversation, you might be able to tell if something is up, which allows you to ask about his well being without it feeling like an ambush.
Create time to see them in person: So many times we’ve sent texts and the receiver either exaggerated or downplayed our feelings because, well, they can’t see us. While your friend might text you back that he’s “good,” it would be harder to lie to you in person. Call him up and tell him you’re bringing food over (almost always works), ask to borrow his gamepad, offer to buy him drinks, just make sure you’re able to hang out with him. During your time together, you might just pick up on something a text wouldn’t have shown you.
Don’t be afraid to open up first: It is safe to assume that we are all going through it at the moment. One way or the other, life is showing us pepper. Another surefire way to get your friend to open up is by opening up yourself. It’s hard to be vulnerable with someone who looks like they have their shit together. So let your friend know you’re struggling too, no matter how small you think that struggle is. However, it’s important not to do too much that you forget why you’re there in the first place. Your friend could see you in a new light and feel compelled to share.
Listen. You don’t always have to offer a solution: So he has opened up to you, what next? It’s human nature to immediately start offering advice, but remember, sometimes all people need is someone to listen to them. Giving him what you assume to be a solution might just make matters worse (unless you’re sure as hell that your plan is solid). The best thing to do is listen, tell him you understand (even if you don’t, yet), and reassure him that he has your support. Don’t be extra or over the top. To feel heard and understood helps validate someone’s experiences and feelings, so the best way to react might be not to offer advice or opinions unless specifically asked.
Give them space, but remind them you’re there: If there’s one thing men hate, is the feeling of suffocation. You can’t force someone to open up to you; they may be working on it in their own way. Also, sometimes men just don’t want to talk about their mental health. The important thing is that you stick around and maintain an open channel so they’ll find you when they’re ready to talk.
We know it’s hard to do all of these things while dealing with your personal shit. But the truth is if we don’t look out for our mandem, who will?
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.
Today’s Man Like is Uche Uba aka Vcheba, a designer, stylist and fashion illustrator. He talks about growing up the youngest of six children, how he deals with the different reactions to his style and his two cents on how to be a man.
Tell me about your childhood?
I am the last child in a family of six; however, I grew up a bit lonely because there was a massive age gap between myself and my siblings. I was way too young to offer them anything. Either way, I enjoyed my own company and was super close to my mum. She wasn’t super strict, and I could talk to her about some things. She was still traditional though, and sometimes it was difficult to discuss certain issues with her. Like the time I was molested in boarding school, it wasn’t something I could run and talk to her about. She’s still everything to me even though our relationship has gotten a little distant since I became an adult.
Do you want to talk about boarding school?
Sure. I was really small and fragile which made me an easy target back then. Physical abuse made up the bulk of my experience. There was sexual abuse too. Everyone had some story about a senior calling them to a corner and touching them inappropriately. We didn’t know what to call it because it didn’t feel aggressive. There was something about knowing you were not the only one that made it a little bit bearable. I didn’t know how much damage it caused until I started experiencing certain trauma responses down the line.
Want to talk about that?
I’ve had issues with trust and anxiety. After school, I found it hard to be in a space with more than five grown men I wasn’t familiar with. And it’s wild because you don’t immediately link it to your past, but your body just subconsciously knows that this could end badly, so just avoid it. I try to be attentive to myself, so when these things happen, I try to trace them back to their roots.
How do you deal with this trauma?
You never get over it. I don’t dwell on it anymore, but I still remember it. I’m glad that I worked through mine in a way I can finally have open conversations about it.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. So, in this day and age, what does being a man mean to you?
I don’t think there’s one way to be a man. If you identify as a man, you’re a man. Society tries to pressure us to present ourselves in a very rigid way, but the beauty of humanity lies in our differences. I’ve had people ask me I’m non-binary because of my style, but I’m not. These questions tend to pop up the moment you dress or act differently. There is space for everyone to show their versions of manhood. For me, being a man is living in truth and owning my decisions. But deviating from the norm in a place like Nigeria can be dangerous.
Dangerous?
I’ve been attacked by police and touts several times. I once took a Bolt ride and the driver asked me to come down when he saw my acrylic nails. At this point, I don’t think anyone’s opinion of me threatens the essence of who I am.
Does your family have any issues with how you present yourself?
I make compromises when I’m visiting my family. It’s not like I wear acrylic nails 365 days in a year. There are days when I’m at home and there’s nothing on, so if I can do that in my house, then it shouldn’t be an issue taking them off when I visit them. But they know the way I dress and there are times when they have expressed their reservations, but it has never really been a big deal. Also, they are from a different generation so the way we dress as young adults will always be strange to them.
We’ve touched on the negatives. Have there been positive reactions to your style?
Yes! People come up to me to tell me that they’re really shy and scared, but seeing me inspires them to fully be themselves. It’s wild when I think about it. I’m just me. Despite everything happening in this country, I don’t know how to be anyone else but me.
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I’m curious. How do you manage your mental health?
This is a constant journey. There’s a stigma surrounding mental health, so I’ve found a way to talk to people about what I’m going through without being direct. Therapy is not cheap! I know it’s not the healthiest way because I need to be honest about my struggles, but as I said, I’m working on it.
Do you think men get the short end of the stick when it comes to mental health conversations?
Yes. As men there’s a perception of us where we’re supposed to be strong “alpha” males. And this is a perception that we continue to feed. While we ask society to be more open to these conversations about men and mental health, we also need to cultivate a habit of communicating how we feel. We need to make the first step.
What’s one misconception people have about men that needs fixing?
I would say the idea that men should be strong. I don’t think there should be any shame in being a softer person. There should be space for everybody. Men don’t have to be anything.
As we continue to evolve, what’s one thing we should leave behind?
I want us to move past thinking that equality is a threat to who we are or our livelihood.
What would you say is your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is somewhere in between not reaching my goals and being left behind. I want to be successful and renowned in my field. I’m also scared of dying unexpectedly because it’s the one aspect of my life I can’t control. I once saw a truck run into a man’s car and I’m sure he didn’t wake up thinking he’d die that day. If I’m dying, I want to know I’m dying.
What motto do you live by?
There’s no time for regret. If it has happened, it has happened. Regret is not the same thing as reflecting.
What does happiness look like to you?
A safe space. I feel like I have this sometimes, but there are days where I don’t feel that way. It’s definitely a work in progress.
After keeping us waiting for six whole years, the queen of heartbreak finally dropped her 4th album, 30. Despite having eleven tracks that are sure to have you crying hot tears, we do realise that for some of you Nkiru Sylvanuses, that won’t be enough. Here are 6 dramatic Nigerian break-up songs for a total heartbreak experience.
Once upon a time, these guys were the hottest thing on the music scene – even hotter than party jollof rice. Why? Well, they gave us hits like this classic about catching your girl red-handed with your best friend. Ouch!
This guy literally said, “If I die now I go happy say, say when I dey this world I don fall in love”. Really? All you came to do in this world is give someone your mumu button? Interesting.
This song is for heartbreak that went to Harvard. You can’t play this because your crush aired you. Instead, we’ll advise you to save it for when he leaves you at the altar.
Another mature heartbreak song, Darey was in his peak heartbreak bag when he made this song. Complete with a suit and over-the-top piano, he sings about his girl switching up on him. It’s sad, but lowkey hilarious because isn’t change the only thing that’s constant about life?
My favourite part of this song was the choir assisting Ric Hassani cussing out his ex. That ladies and gentlemen, is what we like to call DEDICATION to being petty.
We saved this for last because you can only play this song when you’re ready to move on. Once you play this, there are no tears left to cry. One day, Kiss Daniel will explain the breakfast he ate that motivated him to drag someone for filth like this.
Kindly seek spiritual help if all these songs don’t get you through your heartbreak.
Kizz Daniel made it into one of our #BumpThis playlists which drops every Friday. Subscribe to our newsletter for premium bum bum shaking, evening-wine-sipping songs.
While we’re still bumping to “Ke Star (Remix)” by Davido and Focalistic (?), OBO has come again with “Champion Sound”. We decided to ask Nigerians what they thought about the song for Love It/Hate It!
Florence – “It’s not giving”
I feel like this is the only amapiano song I wouldn’t dance to. It’s not giving anything. We shy away from lyrics in Nigeria but this one was too much. There wasn’t a single vibe to be caught here. Hate it, and Davido should start refunding everyone’s money based on this song.
Chelsea – “I’ll love it when I’m drunk.”
I feel like it’s forced, but if I was drunk, I would totally dance to it just because of the beat. There’s a part that gives major “whine your waist” vibes. My verdict? I’ll love it when I’m drunk, but I’m sober now, so it’s a no for me.
Chuks – “This song signals the end of amapiano for me.”
It sounds like the taste of cow shit. I feel like my ears should be plucked off after listening to this. It’s a desperate attempt to recreate a hit song. Hate it so much! This song officially signals the end of amapiano for me. We can’t come back from this.
Fidel – “This is a certified hit.”
This song slaps! Maybe it’s because it’s still fresh and all, but I really fuck with it. Unrelated sha, but I think the amapiano thing is becoming oversaturated. Everyone is doing it now and at some point, we’ll all get exhausted. That being said, I can already picture myself in the club.
David – “No one is seeing Davido”
There’s a reason Davido is one of the best artists of this generation. He’s doing what no one else is doing aesthetically and sonically. This song just shows that he’s at the top, and no one is seeing him. No one! What if they drop a joint project? That would be insane.
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In May 2021, just as the world was getting out of the funk caused by months of lockdown and inactivity, Seyi Akomolafe found herself in an interesting position. After sitting at home for months and applying for fashion internship roles around Lagos, the 18-year-old finally got an offer, the problem was, she needed to work for free. “Job hunting in Nigeria is an extreme sport and I was excited to finally get one,” she tells Zikoko. “Did my heart sink when I saw it was an unpaid internship role? Yes. But it was from a designer I admired, so I took it.”
Following two “grueling” months at her job, Seyi eventually quit. Why did she leave such an incredible work opportunity? “Well, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was a slave. I thought passion was enough, but I was tapping into my savings and getting very little [knowledge] in return.”
Unpaid internships in the creative sector are as common as the shade and drama the sector constantly feeds the internet. We’ve all seen it in play out before, either in real life or in the movies; A young, passionate intern runs errands and performs tasks for their boss in exchange for lucrative knowledge and exposure in a glamorous field, such as filmmaking, fashion, public relations, or the magazine industry. Through all of this, the intern is not given actual financial remuneration, just experience, a couple of celebrity sightings (if they’re lucky), and vibes. The employer, on the other hand, gets the benefit of services while minimizing costs.
According to the World Bank, Nigeria’s population stands at over 200million with its youth claiming over 40% of this figure. The recent success of Nigeria’s creative scene ranging from music to film production and fashion have led to a proliferation of job seekers looking to break into the sector. As of today, the entertainment sector is the second highest employer of labour in Nigeria after agriculture. In this day and age of social media, everyone knows someone who’s either already a creative or working towards becoming one. The numbers are insane.
As interest continues to grow, structured job and internship opportunities are struggling to meet up. But why do we even need internships in the first place? Why not start something small on your own and work your way up? While internships are an imperative part of the industry, there are thousands of Nigerians creating art on their own without training from experienced people in the industry. However, according to Hassan, a Lagos-based editor who preferred to remain anonymous, “It’s easier said than done.”
Hassan’s entry into Nollywood wasn’t easy. He remembers having to juggle two lives at the beginning, one as an unpaid editing assistant and the other as a digital marketer. After years of working his way up, Hassan has become one of the most in-demand editors in Lagos, a feat he attributes to his early unpaid days. “Just like most things in Nigeria, Nollywood is about connection,” he explains. “I knew how to edit from watching tutorials online, but I needed a way to get myself through the door and being an ‘assistant’ provided that opportunity. What’s the point of having a skill if you can’t use it? I had to find a way to hack it because my passion came first.”
Although most of these internships are unpaid, they still demand just as much as full-time paying jobs. Due to the time-consuming tasks, most interns find it hard to take up other paying side-gigs that could actually fund their lives. Young Nigerians these days have to weigh their options carefully, choosing between their dreams and a job that foots the bill. More often than not, they are forced to walk away, just like Seyi. Because of this, internship opportunities tend to be limited to those who come from privileged backgrounds and are willing to work for free.
Pat Ada Eze is a popular image consultant and stylist to stars like Ayra Starr, Ladipoe, and Johnny Drille. Starting as an intern herself, Pat tells Zikoko, “I think unpaid internships are the worst. I have never done it and I don’t think anyone should do it.” With a successful business of her own, she reveals that she pays all her interns no matter how small the budget is. When the budget is too limited to pay, she does all the work herself. On how unpaid internships affect the industry, she explains that while she’s never really thought about it, she can imagine it “blocking the dreams of people who come from less-privileged backgrounds.”
Times are changing in countries like America. Over the past few years, unpaid interns from different projects have held the country’s creative scene under siege. Lawsuits demanding minimum wage and overtime have been filed against Fox Searchlight, Bad Boy Entertainment, publications like Vogue, the New Yorker, and Vanity Fair. But with Nigeria lacking structure legally and creatively, is this even a possibility? “We haven’t gotten justice for cases of misappropriated funds, election fraud, or even sexual assault,” Seyi explains. “There’s no way it’ll work for interns? We are all hustling and we’ll continue to hustle.”
For people who are incredibly sexual, there’s a kind of shame attached to sex and the consumption of materials relating to sex in Nigeria that would be funny if it weren’t so sad. With social media and platforms like OnlyFans taking out gatekeepers in the porn industry, now, more than ever, porn has become easily accessible. In this article, 7 Nigerian men look back on the first time they got caught watching porn.
Mukhtar, 25
I was about 10 years old when it happened. A family had just moved in next door, and my friends and I got acquainted with one of their kids. One day, while we were chatting about a Nigerian movie, Butterfly, starring Genevieve and Ramsey Nouah, this boy told us his father had part 2 of the film, so we all agreed to watch it together. Lo and behold, “part 2” turned out to be porn! One person suggested we turn it off, but we all shut him up. After a while, I stepped out to pee, but I forgot to lock the door. While I was outside, the boy’s father walked in and caught them. I ran home, but the boys snitched on me. Our neighbour’s father sent someone to call me from my house. He beat the hell out of us and made us promise not to do it again. But I still watch porn everyday sha.
Amos, 24
It happened when I was in high school. I collected about 17 porn videos from my friend, so when I got home, I waited until bedtime to watch it. I started watching them one by one till I fell asleep with the videos still playing. By the time I woke up, I couldn’t find my phone again. I searched everywhere and finally summoned the courage to check my mum’s room. I walked in, and she told me to “get out”. She followed up with, “We need to talk.” She asked me where I got the videos from, who I was practising with, and if I wanted to embarrass her. Omo, it was a scary morning. I later found out that my parents watch porn too. I found CDs in hidden places; I guess we weren’t so different after all.
Bello, 29
Mine was during the BBM heydays. A girl buzzed me and was like, “You know we can see what you’re watching, right?” I froze. Then I replied, “Wow, my phone was with someone. I didn’t know they were doing that”, and thanked her for telling me. It was that listening feature. These days, I just remember it and laugh.
DipPickBandit, 30
Anyone who owns a PlayStation 4 knows that PornHub is also accessible on your console. Plus, it’s the last place your significant other would expect you to be watching porn. On one particular day, I was with my ex, who happened to be of a different ethnic background, and we were cosying up to venture into the world of Netflix. I ended up pressing something that opened my browser, revealing a rather voluptuous black woman getting railed. Homegirl burst into tears. I still feel awful and worry she may have thought I wasn’t satisfied because she wasn’t black or thick. I stopped watching porn during the duration of our relationship.
Ebele, 25
It was a lovely morning at home and I felt the need to let off some pent up energy. Two minutes into my beatdown, right at the edge of my nut, my door swings open and in bounds my flatmate asking if I’m hungry. I flew from my bed and hit my toe on the edge of the bed. I could only answer “yes” from behind the wardrobe, holding back tears.
Mike, 34
I was watching porn one afternoon while my roommate was asleep. I remember it was one of those gay porn videos with a long prologue. There were two hunky white dudes working for a construction company and they walked in shirtless with hard hats on, so I guess they were safety conscious. After giving their terrible lines, just as the petting was about to start, my roommate rolled over, and his face landed right in front of my laptop. His eyes were wide open! I almost fainted. Moments later, he closed his eyes and just went back to sleep.
Sope, 27
It looked funny when it happened in American Pie, but mine was mad embarrassing. So I was in my office working late one day. I don’t know how I ended up on my burner Twitter account. One thing led to another and I was in the mood. I assumed no one was around, so I just whipped it out and went to work. Deep in the middle of my thing, our office’s corper rushed into the office. I actually died — like, my soul left my body. Worst part? I still came. He spoke some gibberish and ran out. That was the last time I jerked off at work. The poor guy couldn’t look me in the eye again. Thank God he passed out of service shortly after that day.
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Netflix’ Red Notice is the long-delayed collaboration between Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Gal Gadot, and Ryan Reynolds. Since it came out, the interwebs have been buzzing with different takes on the $200million blockbuster. For the first episode of Love It/Hate It, we decided to ask Nigerians what they thought about the film.
Mirabelle
The acting was garbage. Ryan Reynolds played the role he always plays (himself) but was nowhere near convincing as a high-class thief. Gal Gadot is stunning but, MY GOD, she can’t act for shit. Then there’s Dwayne Johnson who has the acting range of an actual rock. How is it that two people who are hot as hell filmed a sexy dance scene and the scene itself ended up having the sex appeal of a Redeemed pastor in a short-sleeved suit? I loved it and hated it at the same time. It’s pretty entertaining nonsense.
Blessing
I hated it! I mean, some scenes were funny but it just didn’t give anything. It’s a movie you watch when you have nothing to do and want to kill time. I just feel bad that Wonder Woman was cast in this.
Wale
What was everyone expecting? I loved it! You saw The Rock and Gal Gadot and thought you were going to get Oscar-level acting? Abeg. I knew it wasn’t going to give, so I watched it with my bar under the third mainland bridge. It reminded me of all the worst parts of Indiana Jones but I couldn’t stop watching. Gal Gadot is fine sha!
Bukola
I can’t be the only one who was thinking “Kal El, nooooo” every time Gal Gadot appeared on-screen? Justice League ruined her for me and now that scene plays in my head every time I see her. I laughed throughout the movie but not at the jokes. The film itself was a chaotic mess and I loved it. Quick question, is Netflix doing jazz? Where are they getting the money to pay all these stars?
Sope
Would I pay to watch this attractive cast have sex? Yes. Do I regret watching them pretend to be savvy thieves? No. This felt like all the films we’ve seen before. It’s like they put The Hitman’s Bodyguard, Fast and Furious, and Keeping Up With The Joneses into one pot and forgot to add salt. I hated it!
Ekene
I am tired of seeing Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool as Ryan Reynolds as someone else. It’s exhausting! That man plays the same role over and over again. Is he not tired? Because I am.. And then there’s The Rock, In yet another film playing a police man working with one criminal to catch another criminal. What in the fast and not so furious is this film? By the way, we need to defund Gal Gadot. This affliction she calls acting keeps rising and we have to stop the evil once and for all.
Uche
The CGI in this film was so bad, it reminded me of Spy Kids. Why did they promote this film like it was going to blow our minds? I wasted time I should’ve used to fornicate or make soup on this stupid film. Do I like it? Of course not!
Austin
First of all, I know this film will have a sequel. You people have hate-watched it to the point that it broke a record. I know, I watched it too. Netflix has too much money because tell me why they hired three actors who can’t even act? Do they think we’re mugs? I wouldn’t even recommend this to my worst enemy.
If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, we don’t need to tell you that times are hard. Working for our daily “N2k” used to be enough but with the way the Naira’s value keeps somersaulting up and down, N2k doesn’t cut it anymore.. Inspired by some of our favorite occult Nollywood movies, we’ve compiled a list of tested and trusted people you can use for blood money when poverty starts to choke you. Remember, this is based on old Nollywood, we have zero experience.
Your First Wife
This wife is probably the one you truly love. You know, the one you used to chase around a tree while singing Westlife songs? Yes. Tony Umez did it in “Billionaire’s Club” and look how much money he made! Granted, she might haunt you for as long as you live, but what’s a little haunting to a truckload of hard currency? When the sacrifice is done and the credit alert hits, marry a new wife to help you spend the money on exorbitant trips abroad..
Your Younger Brother
Nigerians always claim to know someone in their village who just happens to be richer than Bill Gates. Do you want to make this local champions Forbes list? Then it’s time for your younger brother to join the hosts of heaven or hell (wherever he goes is up to him). The ball in your court, Lebron. Do the needful.
Your First Born
This right here is a classic! We don’t even have to cite old Nollywood. Just look at Abraham, who was willing to stab and roast his little boy in the Bible. If you want an example that’s “closer to home,” binge watch films featuring Kanayo O. Kanayo and Clem Ohameze. You’ll learn a few things about this.
Bonus point: according to Nollywood, the worst thing a dead baby can do while haunting you is cry constantly at night. Thankfully technology has given us noise cancellation headphones.
Your Mother
Compiling this list, we came to the conclusion that old Nollywood was deeply misogynistic. Why was it only men that made these sacrifices? Why wasn’t anyone sacrificing their father? Anyways, our views aside, giving up your mum the way Zack Orji did in “Blood Money” is a surefire way to constant credit alerts, with a sprinkle of madness.
Yourself
We’re sure you didn’t see this coming. If you’re willing to let all these people die, you must be ready to expire like fried rice. According to old Nollywood, how this works is that you make a deal to be rich for a certain number of years just so you can die on a super dramatic birthday, like your 40th or 50th. This definitely gives a new meaning to “enjoy your youth while it lasts.”
