King Charles and Queen Camilla’s coronation might’ve come and gone, but everyone is still talking about Tiwa Savage’s performance, particularly her song choice.
Keys to the Kingdom from Beyoncé’s The Gift is a song about black men remembering they’re kings no matter what, and Tiwa performed it for a white man whose ancestors discussed our slavery over tea and crumpets. And whether she should’ve sang or not is still up for debate.
However, if I had to pick Nigerian songs for this coronation, these would be my choices. You’re welcome, Charly Bomboy.
Koroba — Tiwa Savage
I love me some Tiwa Savage, but she should’ve performed Koroba instead of Keys to the Kingdom. After all, Camilla can totally relate to “I no come this life to suffer. If I follow politician. You go hear am for paper.” While Charles can relate to eating money he didn’t work for. This choice was staring our African bad gyal in the face, for god’s sake.
Waymaker — Sinach
Do you think it’s easy to be the heir to the throne for over 60 years while your mother, the Queen, holds on to the last thread of life? This coronation is a thanksgiving service, dear. After all the waiting Charly Bomboy has done, he needs Sinach to lead a full-on worship session, starting with Waymaker.
Terminator — Asake
Charles should’ve hit Asake up to perform Terminator at the coronation because when you really look at it, the British people have signed a contract with him that can’t be terminated unless he dies. This will be Charle’s love letter to his people.
Dami Duro — Davido
Davido was ready to take over the Afrobeats throne when he dropped Dami Duro in 2012. Now, Charly Boy can confidently sing this song about being unstoppable as he occupies the throne and gains access to the billions and stolen jewels of the British monarchy his baba (and mama) olowo passed down to him.
Yes, we all love Princess Diana; after all, she’s our mums’ BFF. But can we get into Charly Bomboy and CamCam’s love story? This man said, “I’d rather become the most hated man in Britain (or a tampon) than end our adulterous affair”. If this isn’t true love and loyalty, I don’t know what it is. No song captures this love like Teni’s For Your Case.
Who’s Your Guy — Spyro
Spyro should’ve performed his smash hit because whether the people of Britain like it or not, Charly Bomboy is their guy. He’s the one they’ll have to hail every day.
Bumper 2 Bumper — Wande Coal
From being the crowned prince for decades to finally becoming king? Just like Wande Coal, Charles’ level has changed. Not quite from Mushin to Mo’Hits; more like from one wing of Windsor Castle to another, but still. You go, boy.
All of Us (Ashawo) — Fireboy DML
This song will be a special dedication to all the Cha-milla haters. Yes, they cheated on their spouses. Yes, they did Diana dirty. But in the end, we’re all ashawos too, so why are we throwing stones in glass houses? Charles, ashawo. Camilla, ashawo. You, ashawo. Me, ashawo. All of us, ashawo.
Kilometre — Burna Boy
I’m personally surprised Burna Boy didn’t perform at the coronation. The whole “being the only Nigerian to perform at the coronation” thing seems like his vibe. And Kilometre would’ve been the perfect song if he’d been there because Charles has truly seen shege waiting to become king.
If there’s one thing everyone should know by now, it’s Sarz is nobody’s mate. The superstar music producer delivers bangers year after year, proving his incredible chemistry with a wide range of artists — from headliners like Wizkid and Niniola to under-the-radar singers like Lojay and Obongjayar. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve had a hit before or not; with Sarz, you’re guaranteed one.
Sarz goes hard alongside Millymay_pod, Gimba and Fxrtune, for his first official single of 2023, Jam One Kele, the lead single off MTLF II — a compilation album by the 15 talents (artists and producers) of The Sarz Academy, Session Three.
Produced by the trio of Twitchpapii, Bombocat and Oddwave, Jam One Kele leans heavily on Caribbean influences to deliver the perfect summer anthem (if only we had summer in Nigeria for real). Gimba skates over the beat with an unforgettable hook, while Millymay_pod and Fxrtune trade verses that set the stage for a night of slow whining, alcohol and unlimited rocks.
While Millymay_pod, Gimba and Fxrtune each carry this song on their back with impeccable delivery, Sarz takes charge as the curator of the track, showcasing his ear for great music and even greater artists — including P.Priime, Tempoe and Dunnie — way before the world takes note of their greatness.
Jam One Kele feels like the party starter we’ve all been waiting for.
The women on this list are some of the brightest musicians poised to change the game and upgrade your playlist in 2023 with their incredible sound. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in the mood to kick ass, cuddle up and watch anime or cheat back on your partner, the range here is insane, and we can’t help but stan.
Brazy
“Attends shekeleba”
Source: Zikoko Memes
Are you really a hot girl or city boy if you’re not rinsing Brazy’s Attends like there’s no tomorrow? Kindly check our membership portal for validation because Attends is our official anthem. Remember when Saweetie spoke about making something cute for the summertime? She must’ve heard Brazy deliver her iconic “Cheat on me, I’ll cheat on you” line. Fun and bursting with personality, Brazy’s music will have you in a chokehold once you get into it.
Morravey
If there’s one thing we know now, it’s that Davido is clear when it comes to scouting talent. It just makes sense to trust the guy who delivered superstars like Mayorkun and Peruzzi. Despite not having a solo track in sight, Morravey (Davido’s latest musical discovery) holds her own on In The Garden, a standout track off of his newest album, Timeless. With her distinct vocal style and Davido’s push, I have a strong feeling we’ll be hearing a lot of Morravey before the year runs out.
Bloody Civilian
Bloody Civilian is an effortlessly cool badass. I don’t know how else to explain it, but who else drops a debut song titled How to Kill A Man then follows it up with I Don’t Really Like You? The Abuja export has been raising a storm in the music industry since she made a striking appearance on the soundtrack to 2022’s Black Panther: Wakanda Forever alongside Tems, Rema and Fireboy DML. Bloody Civilian’s music feels like she’s whipping out two middle fingers. I don’t know who she’s flipping off, but best believe I’m on her side.
Ugoccie
Ugoccie might’ve won over the internet with her viral and hilarious TikTok remake of Rotimi’s In My Bed in 2019, but it’s been four years now, and it looks like the singer/rapper has turned her 15 seconds of fame into a thriving career. Following the success of her 2022 debut EP, A Piece of Me, and collaborations with Phyno and Niniola, Ugoccie has set the stage for the long haul, and we’re excited to hear what she puts out next.
SGawD
We weren’t capping when we put SGawD’s 2021 Savage Bitch Juice EP on our list of the best albums/EPs of that year. With a sick flow that can stand toe-to-toe with most of the male rappers in the game right now, SGawD has successfully stamped her name on the Nigerian rap scene, demanding our attention with each bar. Her follow-up singles — 2022’s Telfar with Ronehi, and 2023’s Intermission — further prove that SGawD takes no prisoners every time she gets behind a mic.
Oiza and Meyi make great music, but what makes them better artistes than most of your faves right now is their live shows. These girls know how to put on a show and get the crowd going even if they’ve never heard their music before. Famous for their TikTok covers of artistes like The Cavemen and a Shakira elevator performance, the twin sisters were born to be entertainers.
If you don’t believe me, check out their singles Santi and Outside, or better still, catch them at one of their live shows in Lagos or Abuja, singing the hilarious unreleased Jesus Told You to Break Up with Me.
Somadina
The music on Somadina’s 2022 album, Heart of the Heavenly Undeniable, sounds just as weird as the album title, but this is one case where weird is a good, no, great thing. Taking on a more experimental approach to alternative R&B, Somadina is fearless about the type of music she wants to make. It might be an acquired taste, but best believe her music is tasty AF.
Solis
Solis makes music for the girlies who love to talk about star signs and watch Sailor Moon. I don’t know how else to explain it, but the girls whothat get it, get it. Whether she’s asking to be your Angel or begging you not to leave her on Abeg, Solis’s ethereal voice makes you feel like you’re floating on a cloud. As a matter of fact, it’s the literal representation of this Spongebob meme:
Source: Giphy
Efe Oraka
If you were on the internet when SoundCloud stars like Odunsi the Engine and Tay Iwar started transitioning into the mainstream scene in 2016, then the name Efe Oraka wouldn’t sound strange. After stealing our hearts with covers on social media, Efe cemented herself as an artiste to watch with the release of her debut single, Wonderland. Although she’s been on and off for a while, each new project she’s put out confirms the singer has become more confident in her sound and identity as an artiste. Efe Oraka is the alt R&B princess the Nigerian music scene has been missing.
Kold AF
There’s something cool about listening to an artiste for the first time and understanding that they’ve done the work needed to figure out their sound. Kold AF is one of those rare finds. After an impressive run of features with Moelogo, Kaey and MoGunz, she made her solo debut in 2022 with the aptly titled EP, Kold SZN.
From a night of fun and seduction on Wasted to using booze and music to deal with the trauma of a toxic relationship on Blues, Kold AF presents a five-minute preview into the different aspects of navigating love and life as a young Nigerian.
While septum piercings are nothing new, they’ve become more popular over the years, regardless of gender. Nigerian parents might rain hail and brimstone at the sight of their kids with one, but septum piercings are cool, and that’s the tea.
From the pricing to the pain and how long it takes to heal, we’ve answered all your burning questions about septum piercings.
Is a septum piercing different from a nose piercing?
Source: Racked.com
No, dear, it’s not. The septum is basically like a cartilage fence between both nostrils. While traditional nose piercings sit on either of your nostrils, a septum piercing is at the bottom (piercers call it the “sweet spot”) of your nose.
What health concerns should you be worried about?
Source: Zikoko Memes
A septum piercing is more or less a wound that heals around fancy jewellery to make you look fabulous. But it’s still a wound, and like most, there’s a chance it would get infected, which’ll make your septum swell, hurt or create pus. It’s important to monitor your piercing and see a doctor at the slightest sign of these three things. It could result in granulation tissue or scarring.
But those are worst-case scenarios. You could get your septum pierced and live happily ever after. Getting a piercing is a risk, but so is living in Nigeria at all.
How painful is this septum piercing thing?
Source: Zikoko Memes
As someone with a septum piercing, I can tell you for free that getting pierced hurts. You’re literally making a hole in your body, duh. But pain thresholds vary, so you might be a Marvel Avenger and feel nothing. The pain tends to come like a quick, sharp pain, but once the needle comes out and your jewellery has been added, the world will feel alright again.
Fun fact: septum piercings are less painful than ear piercings. Who would’ve thought?
What are your options when it comes to septum jewellery?
Source: Pinterest
From bead rings, captive rings, septum pinchers, clickers to circular barbells, the world is your oyster.
The cost of a septum piercing varies based on location. But a cute one should cost somewhere between ₦8k and ₦20k.
You’ve gotten your septum pierced. Now, what?
Source: Pinterest
Imagine going through the process of getting your septum pierced just to take it out because you have an infection?
Source: Zikoko Memes
Practising aftercare is the best way to ensure your septum piercing fully heals without any wahala. First things first, avoid touching your piercing, especially with unwashed hands. You’re excited; I get it. But to avoid getting bacteria on it, please, keep your fingers to yourself. Don’t twist or fiddle with it. In fact, ignore the piercing like it’s a toxic ex.
The next step is to do a saline (salt and water) cleanse twice daily. No one said you should scrub it with salt like kponmo, just dip a towel in saline solution and gently clean around it. And gently pat the skin dry afterwards. By the way, skincare girlies, don’t allow the products in your 12-step Korean routine to touch your piercing until it’s fully healed.
How long does a septum piercing take to heal?
Source: Zikoko Memes
The healing time varies from person to person, just like the pain of getting the piercing. But, if you practise good aftercare and stop playing with your piercing, then you’re looking at four to six months before your septum fully heals. It also depends on factors like stress levels and skin sensitivity. But last last, your septum should be back to its full strength in a year.
Can I change my septum jewellery during the healing period?
Source: Zikoko Memes
No, dear. But, as I said, the healing period varies. So while it might take me eight months to fully heal, it might take four months for you. The best thing to do here is to consult your piercer, so they can track your progress and change the jewellery themselves if it’s time to do so.
Why should you get your septum pierced?
Source: Stocksey
Because you’re a bad bitch who can’t be stopped, period.
Source: Zikoko Memes
But seriously, getting a piercing of any kind should be a personal choice. If you want one, get it. Do septum piercings look cool? Yes. But they’re also not everyone’s cup of zobo. Do you, boo.
After giving us the epic line, “I burn for you”, Netflix’s Bridgertonis back with another interracial couple (Shonda Rhimes, I know what you are) for us to root for.
Taking us back in time, Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story sheds some light on the love story between King George III and Queen Charlotte, who were side characters in the first and second seasons of Bridgerton. The show opens with a message that it’s not entirely factual, so we couldn’t help but do some digging to find out where exactly the writers added Maggi and salt. Here’s what we found out.
Was Queen Charlotte biracial?
Source: Netflix
On the show, Charlotte’s arrival into British court is groundbreaking, bringing about the Great Experiment, which saw her mother-in-law, Princess Augusta, introduce other black people into court. While this storyline is a big slay for black people, no historical evidence supports the gist that Queen Charlotte was black or biracial.
That being said, art historian, Mario De Valdes y Cocom, who started studying portraits of the late Queen in 1967, believed she was indeed biracial and of Portuguese descent. If this is true, it means our good sis, Meghan, wasn’t the first melanated royal to step foot in Buckingham Palace.
How did Charlotte arrive from Germany speaking English with a British accent?
Source: Zikoko Memes
Last I checked, German was the official language in Germany, so how did a German princess show up in England spitting in Adele’s accent? The show obviously took creative liberties as the real Queen Charlotte had to learn English and the customs of her new country.
Why did King George marry Queen Charlotte?
Source: Netflix
On the show, we hear the young Charlotte ask her brother why the King of England would want to marry an unknown princess like her.
The truth is King George didn’t have plenty of fish in his marriage sea. The King had to marry a princess, and there were none in England then. He also had to marry a Protestant, which meant choosing from Germany or Scandinavia. The King himself is also of German descent, with his great-grandfather being German. So, sis, this man was just marrying from his village. That’s all.
Did the King and Queen marry immediately?
Source: Netflix
Yes, King George and Queen Charlotte married just six hours after meeting for the first time on September 8, 1761. But it wasn’t because of love-at-first-sight. Their families had already signed off on the marriage ahead of their meeting. The future Queen was 17 (She should’ve been writing JAMB, to be honest), while King George was 22.
We’ve already established that the Great Experiment was created to entertain us messy bitches who live for drama. Unfortunately for Lady Danbury stans, her story is as accurate as Father Christmas’s. However, England did have a relationship with Lady Danbury’s country, Sierra Leone, and it has to do with slavery.
One of the saddest plotlines of Queen Charlotte happens to be true. Historians say King George battled with an unnamed mental illness throughout his reign, from 1788 to 1789 and again in 1801. It was so bad, he was nicknamed the Mad King. King George was eventually declared unfit to rule in 1810, allowing his eldest son, George IV, to act as Prince Regent from 1811.
Wait, so Queen Charlotte actually had 15 children?
Source: Zikoko Memes
Queen Charlotte had not one, not two, but 15 children. She had nine sons and six daughters, but their two youngest sons died at ages one and four. Despite having all these children, the King and Queen struggled for heirs. Two of their daughters never got married, while most of their sons focused on scoring away matches, making the King and Queen’s grandchildren unfit for the throne. This changed when their son, Prince Edward, and his wife, Princess Victoria, welcomed their daughter, Alexandrina Victoria, or simply Queen Victoria.
An interesting connection between King George and Queen Charlotte and Harry and Meghan
Source: The Times
As shown in the series, King George III bought Buckingham House, which later became the famous Buckingham Palace, as a gift for his wife in 1762. While living in the palace, the couple commissioned the construction of Frogmore Cottage for quick summer getaways (their own private Ilashe without the ocean). Guess who rented the cottage while living in the UK? Yes, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. If you look at it, King George and Queen Charlotte were Harry and Meghan’s original landlord and landlady.
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My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.
Josh and Kelechi became friends after they both participated in a threesome. Now five years into their friendship, the two talk about the interesting sexual encounter that brought them together, bonding over therapy and why boundaries are important even in an unconventional friendship like theirs.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane. How did you guys meet?
Kelechi: I met Josh in 2018. I was in my second year of university while he was in his third and dating a girl in my class. I didn’t really know him, but their relationship was popular because both of them were the king and queen of PDA on campus. You wouldn’t see one without the other; they were always holding hands or kissing.
Josh: What can I say? We were in love. I’d seen you around too, but I only started paying attention when my girlfriend started talking about this cute guy in class she wanted us to hook up with. She had a crush on you, but I needed to know more if we were both going to pursue something with you.
Pursue something?
Kelechi: Josh and his girlfriend are in an open relationship, although they’re only allowed to be with the same person. Guy, please explain it yourself.
Josh: LOL. You’ve dropped the basic synopsis of our situation. The full gist is that my girl and I are open, but we only hook up with thirds. We’re not allowed to see other people separately. If I like someone, then two of us must like the person and vice-versa. It’s also purely sexual, no feelings attached.
My girl liked Kelechi back then, so I had to scope the guy on my own too. You’re a fine guy, so it didn’t take too much convincing. Getting you on board was surprisingly easy too. But I can still remember the shock on your face when we told you we wanted to sleep with you.
Kelechi: Bruh. Let me not lie and say I was a saint or anything. But I’d never been in a threesome, much more being approached by a couple to have one. I liked your girlfriend too, but I didn’t overthink it since she wasn’t available. She asked me to hang out after class, and that’s when you made the proposition. I thought it was a prank.
Josh: Prank as per you’re on Punk’d? You really think you’re a celebrity for real.
Kelechi: My friend, shut up. I had to pick my jaw up from the floor that day. My brain told me to say “No”, but I watched myself say, “Yes”.
Josh: Omo, I was shocked, too o. That was the fastest “Yes” we’d ever gotten. Most people would ask to think about it and either come back for some *cough cough* or start avoiding us. But you said “Yes” on the first ask. Why?
Kelechi: I don’t know. But there was something about the both of you — being the hottest couple in school and all, wanting me that immediately turned me on. I also felt really special, like I was chosen.
Josh: DFKM
How did this friendship form from your threesome?
Josh: Like Omawunmi once sang, “If you ask me, na who I go ask?”
Kelechi: Behave, jare. I was too irresistible for just a one-night stand. You needed me to be a part of your life.
Josh: Honestly, yes. The sex was great, and all three of us enjoyed it, but the conversation after really struck me, and I was like, “This boy is cool AF”.
What did you guys talk about?
Kelechi: Therapy.
Josh: That’s not a topic anyone would expect to hear, especially when the people involved just had a spicy threesome. But I’d just started therapy, and when Kelechi joked about telling his therapist about us, I just started pouring my whole life’s story to him.
This was the first time I was meeting another guy who was in therapy. I’m sure there are other guys, but I’d never seen someone who was that open to talking about it. It started from jokes about how therapy is expensive AF and making us poor, and then we just segued into how helpful it’s been for us.
Kelechi: Do you get? I’d be more of a mess if it wasn’t for therapy. I have a serious anxiety issue and most Nigerians don’t even take it seriously. People think I’m lazy or avoidant. Therapy helped me figure out the problem and learn how to confront it.
Talking to another guy who knew something was wrong and was taking the necessary steps to fix it reaffirmed my decision.
Josh: Me too. My girl and I usually keep a distance from our thirds unless we’re planning a hook-up, but I started hanging out with you more, and it was just what I needed. She supported me but didn’t get the therapy thing. And that’s fine. I also needed to be around someone who could relate on a personal level.
Was your girlfriend okay with that?
Josh: Not at first, but I think she also understood that the sex thing with Kelechi was more her than me. My girl is my best friend, so I didn’t have a lot of friends in school I could talk to. I made her understand that I needed Kelechi on a friendship level and it didn’t have anything to do with her not being enough.
Kelechi: This guy and sweet mouth. “Anything to do with her not being enough”? Bars, my guy.
Josh: I dey try. But it really wasn’t. My entire existence was wrapped around one relationship in my life, and it wasn’t fair on her. It’s also part of why I started seeing a therapist. I needed people to talk to.
It’s been five years, and I’m curious how your friendship has evolved.
Josh: I realised a couple of months into our friendship that I was doing to Kelechi what I did to my girlfriend, making them the centre of my world. Like, I was talking to just two of them, and I know it’s good to keep my circle small, but it doesn’t mean I should suffocate the people in it. Kelechi was also too polite to ask for space. Now we have these difficult conversations and draw boundaries where necessary.
Kelechi: I’m a people pleaser, and I wanted to be a good friend, so it was hard for me to say, “Oh, I feel you dude. But I can’t process your stuff now because my life’s a mess.”
We enjoy talking to each other, and it’s helped to have someone to listen to and bounce ideas off of, but that boundary thing was necessary. Then again, how do you set boundaries in such a complicated friendship?
Josh: Talking about it. Shoutout to my therapist because she was the one who pointed out how in trying to be each other’s person, there was a high chance we might lose ourselves. I brought it up with Kelechi, and we had that conversation. We have an “I’m at my mental capacity” safeword. I know he wants to be there for me, and me, him, but we also had to learn how to be there for ourselves once in a while.
You guys seem so zen. Do you even fight?
Kelechi: It’s hard to fight with someone who doesn’t like confrontation. Whenever we almost have an issue, Josh will apologise whether he was right or wrong. I admire it, but it can be annoying.
Josh: Wow. But it’s because I love you, bro. I genuinely don’t like people being upset at me. Plus, we’ve never had an issue worth fighting over. Our only problems are you always being late and me taking five years to text back sometimes.
Kelechi: Fair enough.
Is there anything you’d change about your friendship?
Josh: I wish we met earlier. I don’t regret how we met, and I wouldn’t change it, but I wish we got into each other’s lives earlier. You’ve made me more open to receiving non-romantic love. I can’t help but wonder sometimes how many friends and relationships I missed early on in life because I was closed off.
Kelechi: I wouldn’t change a thing. Not even timing. We met when we needed to meet, and it worked out well. I’d change your detty love for amala though. That right there is a character flaw. LOL.
Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.
What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person?
Kelechi: I’m open with how I feel about you and your importance to me. I love you, and If I had to choose a best friend in another life, even if I were a dog, I’d choose you.
Josh: A dog? Be calming down. But I love you too, and I’m grateful you’re in my corner. I don’t know how I’d do this life thing without you. You and my babe are the only ones I’d actually get in a fight for. Everyone else O.Y.O is their case.
2022 might’ve come and gone, but the music we got that year was premium vibes. From Asake’s arrival and eventual takeover to Pheelz’s turn from hit producer to hit singer, the music scene was on fire. These were the 15 songs Nigerians rinsed the most, according to TurnTable Charts.
Songwriters: Yung Willis and Anidugbe Oluwatobiloba
Produced by: Reward Beatz and Blaise Beatz
2. Bandana — Fireboy DML featuring Asake
Fireboy has been on a roll since his 2018 debut single Jealous became a national anthem. Recognising another baby legend in the making in his label mate, Fireboy brought Asake on board for Bandana, the unforgettable second single off his 2022 Playboy album.
Songwriters: Adedamola Adefolahan
Produced by: P.Prime
3. Overloading (OVERDOSE) — Mavin All Stars
With huge shoes to fill following the successes of Mavin bangers like Dorobucci, Adaobi and Looku Looku, the new school of Don Jazzy’s post-Mo’Hits project came in guns blazing on their 2022 joint effort, Overloading (OVERDOSE). Featuring standout performances from Ayra Starr, Boy Spyce and Crayon, the song proved that Don Jazzy’s pension is in safe hands.
Songwriters: Alexander Adewunmi Adelabu, Charles Chibueze Chukwu, Ladipo Eso, Oluwadamilare Aderibigbe, Oyinkansola Sarah Aderibigbe, Prince Omoferi, Treasure Apiafi Banigo and Ugbekile David Osemeke
Produced by: Don Jazzy
4. Sungba Remix — Asake featuring Burna Boy
We’ve already offered reasons why Asake’s Sungba is one of the greatest songs ever. But why settle for having a song that’s a GOAT when you could feature a GOAT on its remix? Well, that’s what Asake asked himself when he called on Burna Boy to deliver one of his best verses ever on the remix of Sungba. We’ll always remember life in two parts: life before the Sungba remix dropped and life after Burna Boy sang, “Tell me what you see when you look at me?”
Songwriters: Ahmed Olalade Asake and Damini Ebunoluwa Ogulu
Produced by: Magicsticks
5. Calm Down Remix — Rema featuring Selena Gomez
We’ve only ever had two Nigerian artistes crack the top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart: Wizkid with Essence and One Dance, and Tems with WAIT FOR U and Essence. But with the remix of Calm Down, Rema officially joined this elite list. While we initially had doubts about this remix, months and months of hearing it everywhere has made us forget that an original even existed, and that’s how you know a remix actually works.
Songwriters: Alexandre Uwaifo, Divine Ikubor, Amanda Ibanez, Michael Hunter and Selena Gomez
Produced by: Andre Vibez and London
6. Peace Be Unto You — Asake
Dropping Peace Be Unto You after a string of hits with Omo Ope, Sungba and Palazzo, Asake stepped into the musical ring with the confidence and badassery of Adonis Creed himself. With this song which samples the viral “E dey carry me where I no know” clip, Asake reminded everyone that even though he was finally having his moment in 2022, he’d been around for a long time, and his reign was inevitable — “I just blow, but omo, I know myself.”
Songwriters: Ahmed Olalade Asake
Produced by: Magicsticks
7. Last Last — Burna Boy
Chopping breakfast might be sad, but who says you can’t turn your pain into a massive hit? At least, that’s what Burna Boy did with his biggest song yet since Ye. Throwing a Toni Braxton sample into the mix, Last Last became the unofficial song of summer 2022, solidifying Burna Boy’s position as a leader in the exportation of new school afrobeats.
Songwriters: Damini Ebunoluwa Ogulu, Fred Jerkins III, Harvey Mason Jr, James Malcolm Olagundoye, LaShawn Daniels, Mikael Haataja, Robert Laukkanen, Rodney Jerkins, Samuel Haatja and Santeri Kauppinen.
“She go chop Nigerian koboko, straight from Magodo.” We all know what “koboko” means in this context, but why is it from Magodo? We still need the association of Magodo residents to explain how and why their kobokos entered the mix. Still, there’s no denying the Davido effect on the remix to this 2022 party starter.
Songwriters: Davido and Skiibii
Produced by: Runcheck
9. Peru Remix — Fireboy DML featuring Ed Sheeran
When Fireboy DML announced Ed Sheeran would be on the remix of his hit song, Peru, many people were shocked, but not us. While the collaboration sounded a bit off on paper, true Fireboy stans could’ve seen this from a mile away. Apart from being resident musical lover boys, Need You, the opening track to Fireboy’s 2019 album, Laughter, Tears & Goosebumps, sounds exactly like Ed Sheeran’s 2014 Tenerife Sea. This collaboration was a match made in musical heaven from the very start.
Songwriters: Ed Sheeran, Fireboy DML, Ivory Scott, Klton and Shizzi
Produced by: Shizzi and Kolten Sippiboy Perine
10. Omo Ope Remix — Asake featuring Olamide
Arguably one of the biggest songs of 2022, Asake came out of nowhere and turned 2022 on its head with his smash hit, Omo Ope. Featuring the hardest working Nigerian rapper, Olamide, it was hard not to fall in love with this song, especially when those backup vocals kick-in with “Mo saare f’owo mi sh’aye”.
Songwriters: Ahmed Olalade Asake and Olamide Adedeji
Produced by: Magicsticks
11. Terminator — Asake
Is Terminator the greatest Nigerian love song of all time? Maybe. Asake was deep in his lover boy bag when he made this banger about finding someone and holding on to the romantic contract they’d signed. That’s the type of love we’re looking for on these single-pringle streets.
Songwriters: Ahmed Olalade Asake and Olamide Adedeji
Produced by: Magicsticks
12. PALAZZO — DJ Spinall featuring Asake
Hopping on the never-ending DJ Spinall train of collaborations, Asake delivered what could only be described as part club hit, part church thanksgiving anthem. Palazzo came right after the Sungba remix with Burna Boy, setting the stage for the singer’s epic year of back-to-back hits.
Songwriters: Ahmed Olalade Asake and Olamide Adedeji
Produced by: Spinall and Magicsticks
13. Don’t Call — Lil Kesh featuring Zinoleesky
Remember when Lil Kesh had us all in a shoki-hold back in the day? This guy was the reason Olamide banned Don Jazzy from the mainland, and then, he just disappeared for a while. Lil Kesh finally made a splashy return to the scene with the Zinoleesky-assisted, Don’t Call Me, and God knows we rinsed this song like there was no tomorrow. We all love a good comeback story.
Songwriters: Lil Kesh and Zinleesky
14. For My Hand — Burna Boy featuring Ed Sheeran
It’s safe to assume that a Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran song will always slap. Teaming up again after they carried Stormzy’s 2019 Own It on their backs, For My Hand is further proof that their chemistry is as potent as ever.
Songwriters: Damini Ogulu, Ed Sheeran and Richard Isong
Produced by: P2J
15. Finesse — Pheelz featuring BNXN
We’ve begged Nigerian musicians to leave Folake alone, but they’ve clearly put cement in their ears because Pheelz and BNXN continued the train with Finesse. And honestly, we were not mad at it. This song reminded us it’s okay to be broke. As a matter of fact, it encouraged us to own our lack of funds with our chests.
As someone who’s seen iRobot, Westworld and that Transformer-esque film with Osas Ighodaro, Ratnik, I’d like to announce with my full chest that I don’t trust Artificial Intelligence. Sure, it’s cute to hear an AI version of Drake singing Sungba, but what happens when they take over everything and enslave humans?
Source: Zikoko Memes
Maybe I’m exaggerating. But before any of that happens, I asked ChatGPT — the Beyonce of AI — for its top ten Nollywood movies of all time. While the list looks good, I don’t quite agree with everything.
Let’s get into this ranking.
10. 76
Rita Dominic giving the performance of a lifetime in an afro wig, Chidi Mokeme and Ramsey Nouah competing for “who looks sexier while under duress” and tons of wide-legged trousers — what’s not to love about Izu Ojukwu’s 76? This film works well because of its perfect casting, set design and costumes that’ll make you feel like you’ve stepped into one of your grandparents’ pictures from the 1970s.
My ranking: 5
9. The CEO
Despite a star-studded cast of Angélique Kidjo, Wale Ojo, Jimmy Jean-Louis and a cameo from AG Baby himself, nothing could stop Kunle Afolayan’s corporate crime thriller, The CEO from being a bore. How do you have all the right actors and a killer premise and still fail to excite an audience? The CEO isn’t one of Nollywood’s best films. Hell, it’s not even one of Kunle Afolayan’s best films.
My ranking: 10
8. Half of a Yellow Sun
Finding a movie adaptation of a book that actually does its source subject justice is hard, and unfortunately, Half of a Yellow Sun isn’t one of them. While the book cemented Chimamanda Adichie’s name as one of the best storytellers of our time, the film adaptation of Olanna and Odenigbo’s love story set against the backdrop of the Biafran War doesn’t quite translate the tension and heart of the book on screen. Half of a Yellow Sun, the movie, would’ve been great if we didn’t already have something to compare it to, but we do, and that’s the problem.
My ranking: 8. It’s right where it’s supposed to be.
7. The Wedding Party
Films like A Sunday Affair, Your Excellency and Chief Daddy may have tainted EbonyLife’s image, but let’s not forget the time they captured lightning in a bottle with The Wedding Party. This ensemble comedy kickstarted the “ensembles at a wedding or funeral” trope in Nollywood. The Wedding Party made Adesua Etomi a superstar, reminded us of Sola Sobowale’s greatness, showed us that RMD had officially entered zaddy status and warned us about all that could go wrong if amala finishes at a Yoruba wedding. Kemi Adetiba, the woman that you are.
Genevieve is mother, and that’s on period. After years of giving us iconic performances, the actress pivoted to directing with 2018’s Lionheart and slayed again because why not?
Source: Zikoko Memes
The best thing about Genevieve’s Lionheart is how it holds your attention with a simple and familiar story about family. Relying on beautiful shots of Enugu, the acting skills of legends, Genevieve’s killer wardrobe and a cringe singing scene between Peter Okoye and its director, Lionheart has earned this ChatGPT-given spot as one of Nollywood’s best films to date.
My ranking: 3
5. October 1
Kunle Afolyan’s October 1 is ambitious AF. From getting real-life Peugeots from the 1950s to casting the incredible Sadiq Daba as the lead, Kunle Afolayan pulled all the stops on this psychological thriller. Although the big reveal at the end falls flat because almost everyone can spot the serial killer from the start, October 1 is still an enjoyable ride, proving that Kunle Afolyan thrives best when helping his audience solve a mystery.
My ranking: 6
4. The Figurine
The Figurine is hands down one of my favourite Nollywood films of all time. Kunle Afolayan’s twisted, haunting tale delivers the most unexpected twist in its third act, leaving you at the edge of your seat screaming, “WTF?” Ramsey Nouah, the underrated Funlola Aofiyebi-Raimi, Omoni Oboli and Kunle himself gave a masterclass in acting. If aliens ever came to earth and asked to see a Nollywood film, best believe this is the film I’ll be showing them.
My ranking: 2
3. Ije
Chineze Anyaene’s Ije didn’t reunite Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and Genevieve Nnaji on screen for the fourth time, or use Asa’s Awe in its trailer, for ChatGPT not to include it on its list of the most iconic Nollywood films of all time. But while Ije is a beautifully shot and acted movie, giving it the third spot is a reach, dear. Not even the intense acting between two titans could elevate a mid script.
My ranking: 9
2. Osuofia in London
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8ID3gAcMMQ
Maybe it’s nostalgia for when Nollywood comedies were funny without being forced or watching a Nollywood film shot abroad was a novelty. But something about my memories of Osuofia in London makes me incredibly happy. This film was so big back then, everyone practically aired Nkem Owoh’s real name and started calling him Osuofia. I heard a remake is in the works; honestly, they can keep it. I know I’ll prefer the original.
My ranking: 4
1. Living in Bondage
I know I said I couldn’t trust any AI, but it looks like ChatGPT snapped with their choice for the number one film. Nostalgia aside, the 1992 original is one of the best Nollywood movies ever.
Source: Zikoko Memes
From an original story that started Nollywood’s obsession with money rituals to its unforgettable lead characters, Andy and Merit, Living in Bondage was chaotic but iconic. It’s hard to talk about Nollywood without talking about the film that started it all, and Living in Bondage will always be THAT GIRL.
Nothing screams high fashion on a global scale like the MET Gala. Hosted by Vogue Magazine editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour (AKA the real-life version of Miranda from The Devil Wears Prada), the MET Gala brings together the biggest stars on the planet for some music, finger food, and of course, fashion.
With this MET Gala 2023 honouring the late Chanel head designer, Karl Lagerfeld, stars like Rihanna, Tems, Doja Cat and Viola Davis all showed up in designed or inspired outfits by the late fashion icon.
These were some of the night’s most memorable looks, good and bad.
Rihanna
Source: Getty Images
Let’s kick things off with the queen of the MET, Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty. This woman made me stay up till 2 a.m. WAT, waiting for her to show up on that damn carpet. But was it worth it? Yes, it absolutely was. This Valentino look gave me life. Our makeup sis knows this fashion thing, and no one is seeing the hem of her dress.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Lil Nas X
Source: Getty Images
Lil Nas X’s dependence on the shock factor was cute when it started, but now it’s plain tired, and we’re over it. Tell me this man doesn’t look like one of those Nollywood demons that haunt Tony Umez or Kanayo O. Kanayo after they use their wives and children for blood money. You see it, too, right?
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Tems
Source: Getty Images
Temilade Openiyi, the woman that you are. Thank you for not embarrassing us on a global platform like the MET Gala. The hat and gloves with the feather details, and the bottom half of the dress clearly reference vintage Chanel. Tems and her stylist, Dunsin Wright, are a match made in fashion heaven.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Ice Spice
Source: Getty Images
Like Tyra Banks once said:
Source: Giphy
Ice Spice pulling up to the MET in a longer version of what the girlies wear to Quilox on a Friday night in Lagos is not the serve I expected from hood Princess Diana. If she thought people would feel this dress, then I’m sorry to say, she’s the munch here.
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Michaela Coel
Source: Getty Images
One word, “iconic”. You know what? One more word, “mother”. This dress is so stunning I had to clutch my imaginary Chanel pearls when Michaela showed up on the carpet. While I wouldn’t have immediately thought of cornrows (AKA “all back”, to all my Nigerian secondary school girlies) with this dress, Michaela slays this look so hard it’d be a crime to find any fault. By the way, can we get into that face? Sheesh.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Letitia Wright
Source: Getty Images
The strength of this blek pentha has definitely been stripped away. I love me some Letitia Wright, but this Pentecostal youth pastor look is not for the MET Gala. It’s giving Covenant University graduation fashion, and like M’baku said in Black Panther:
Source: Giphy
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Anok Yai
Source: Getty Images
I don’t want to say much when it comes to Anok Yai’s consistent slayage of the MET Gala red carpet. Instead, I leave you with this message from philosopher and life coach, Tiffany Pollard:
Source: Giphy
Verdict: Best Dressed
Viola Davis
Source: Getty Images
Viola Davis is a queen, and that’s on Annalise and her bottle of vodka. But you want to know what’s not queenly at all? This look. Viola’s love for bright colours has always been one of my favourite things about her red carpet style. And while this pink looks stunning on her, the feathers on this dress do nothing for her look. Maybe it would’ve been better if the feathers were smaller. Mrs V is an icon, but even Bobrisky pulled this look off better than she did.
Source: Instagram/Bobrisky22
Doja Cat
Source: Getty Images
Doja Cat showing up as Karl Lagerfeld’s cat and meowing her way through all her interviews is my definition of camp. You have to admire Doja for always committing to a look (her fingernails were designed to look like claws), no matter how unhinged it sounds on paper. Plus, this dress is a beauty, cat or no cat.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Lizzo
Source: Getty Images
Lizzo is always a mood, but this black dress with pearl detailing is not a serve. It looks like something we’d see on the AMVCA red carpet, and that’s not a compliment if I’m keeping it one hundred.
What we’d give to be part of Halle Bailey’s world. Our Ariel is a vision in this dress, giving old Hollywood glamour but in melanin and natural beauty. Major props to her hair stylist because I don’t know what jazz they use to transform her dreadlocks into something new every time she steps out. You can’t convince me that she and Chloe’s hair styling is done by a mere mortal.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Asap Rocky
Source: Getty Images
Maybe it’s beef that he’s with my wife. Or perhaps, it’s beef that he put her in the family way AGAIN, and now, we don’t know when R9 is dropping. Either way, Rakim Mayers, it’s on sight whenever we jam. On sight, bro.
Verdict: He shouldn’t be on the worst dressed list, but I have bad belle.
Cardi B
Source: Getty Images
None of the other rap girls are seeing Cardi B when it comes to fashion. None of them. Cardi served four looks last night, but this Thom Browne number is my favourite. She looks like a character out of a Tim Burton fantasy film, and I’m gagging. I love a woman who likes to have fun with her looks, and it’s clear Cardi is having the time of her life as a fashion “it” girl.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Yara Shahidi
Source: Getty Images
For someone who has the potential to be a fashion baby girl, Yara Shahidi has refused to give us the serve we deserve. This look isn’t bad, but knowing the potential for greatness both Yara Shahidi and her stylist Jason Bolden have, it doesn’t work for me at all.
Verdict: Worst Dressed
Brian Tyree Henry
Source: Getty Images
Finally, a man who didn’t show up to the red carpet in a boring suit. Brian Tyree Henry pulling up looking like a monarch who colonises continents over tea and crumpets is a serve I wasn’t expecting at the MET Gala. I’m always here for men playing with proportions and taking risks. This will probably go down as one of the most iconic looks from any man to ever walk the MET steps.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Skepta
Source: Getty Images
Skepta, what is this blanket you have on? This looks like something a Chelsea FC stan would wear for a match, and I won’t stand for it. The annoying part is the suit on its own might’ve been a hit.
Verdict: Confused
Keke Palmer
Source: Getty Images
Baby, this is Keke Palmer, AKA True Jackson VP, one of Hollywood’s funniest women. Keke hasn’t taken her foot off our necks since she had her baby. We can all see how much she loves her post-baby body. Like the Gen Z babies would say, “She’s taking it”.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Idris and Sabrina Elba
Source: Getty Images
Sabrina’s decision to stick with her man through COVID and bad fashion choices should be applauded. This is a woman who takes the “In sickness and in health” part of her vows seriously. Their look wasn’t the worst on the red carpet; it was just boring. Give us something, guys.
Verdict: Mid
Teyana Taylor
Source: Getty Images
Is it a Teyana Taylor look if we’re not reminded that this woman’s six-pack can be used to grind pepper? This look is sickening, and now, I can’t help but wonder why I’m not in the gym.
Verdict: Best Dressed
Mary J Blige
Source: Getty Images
Mary J Blige’s dress would’ve worked better for the BET or MTV VMAs. But I have to give it to my fave for staying consistent with her thigh-high boots. The MET said, “Karl Lagerfeld”, but Mary heard, “Let’s take it to the dancery”.
Let’s not even cap; making friends as a grown man is hard. Between Nigeria’s wahala, capitalism struggles, and societal rules about how we should interact, Nigerian men of a certain age struggle to make meaningful friendships.
Source: Zikoko Memes
If you’re at the stage where you are looking to try anything to make new friends, then, sir, this article is for you.
Open a barbing salon
Source: Zikoko Memes
If you want something, you need to invest in it — even if that investment is a barbing salon at your junction. Barbing salons are safe havens for men to vent, let loose, and have some time away from the world. While it might seem like an over-the-top move to land friends, opening a barbing salon will introduce you to a wide range of men from all walks of life. You could literally hold a friend audition, and they wouldn’t even know.
Go back to school
Source: Netflix Naija
Most men who talk about their oldest friendships often refer to the friends they made in secondary school or university. If the cast of Far From Home could “convince” us they were secondary school students, then look, you can do it too. But if going back to secondary school sounds crazy, there’s nothing wrong with going back to university to get a new degree and make new friends. Nothing builds friendships faster than a mutual fear of carryovers.
Stop calling every guy “Oga” or “Boss” and take time to know their names
Source: Zikoko Memes
Bruh. The number of “Oga”, “Chief”, and “Boss” you hear when men hang out around each other is wild. It’s like, “Do any of you have real names?” If you want to build a real connection with another man, you need to know the basics, like their actual name. If you left Nigerian men, they’d “Oga” each other to the grave.
Shoot friendship shots on social media
Source: Zikoko Memes
Desmond thought Collins was cool and shot a friendship shot on Instagram. Please, what’s stopping you from doing the same thing? Shame? Pride? Chelsea, come on now. If you’re willing to work to get someone’s attention on social media for knacks or a romantic relationship, what’s stopping you from putting the same level of effort into making male friends? Granted, a few guys might find it weird at first, but real guys will appreciate it. Just make sure you’re not being extra by liking their pictures from 2014.
FYI, LinkedIn is a social media platform too *wink wink*
Become more active in the church or mosque
Source: Zikoko Memes
A God-fearing partner is not the only person you can find in your place of worship. What happened to a God-fearing friend? What does it profit a man to have a godly relationship, but a friendship built on sin? Okay, maybe don’t answer that. You sha get the gist.
The gym can be very intimidating, but when you really think about it, that space is also one of the best places to make a new friend. Even though everyone seems to be on a mission to outdo the next person in the gym, a certain level of vulnerability comes with the effort to be better at something regardless of how many kgs you’re lifting. Tap into that vulnerability. No one is asking you to become the annoying guy who won’t shut up in the gym, but try smiling or saying “hi” to other guys there once in a while. Who knows, you might move from gym bros to actual bros.
Date women who have cool brothers who don’t want to beat you up
Source: Zikoko Memes
Why kill one bird or relationship with one stone when you could easily kill two with one stone? Meeting a cute girl who rocks your world is great, but things get ten times better when this girl has a brother who could become your soulmate. Even if the romantic relationship fails, no rule says you can’t be best friends with your ex’s brother. If she really loved you, then she’d be happy for you.
Argue about Messi or Wizkid in social gatherings
Source: Zikoko Memes
The moment you hear Nigerian men arguing, and they start throwing the word “goat” around while mentioning “Wizkid” or “Messi”, then, sir, it’s time to pull up a chair and join that argument. There’s a high chance you’ll get insulted during the argument, but there’s also a high chance you’ll make a new friend regardless of which side of the argument you stack your chips on.
Join dating apps
Source: Zikoko Memes
If there’s anything we learnt from Edem and Chide’s My Bro story, it’s that men can become best friends with men they’ve hooked up with. It doesn’t always work, especially if you’re as straight as a ruler, but taking the lover-to-best-friend route isn’t that bad when it comes to friendship. To make this work, you must open your mind beyond sexual attraction and get to know the people you’re chatting with. It’s giving from guts to guys.
Read Zikoko My Bro and steal our subjects’ best friends
If you can’t find a best friend of your own, who says you can’t go around stealing other people’s best friends? Thankfully, Zikoko My Bro has many options you can select from. All you have to do is read their story, choose the best friend you want to steal and then get ready to throw hands with their current best friend. Nothing good comes for free.
Become your own best friend
Source: Zikoko Memes
I know everyone says this all the time, but who knows you better than you? To be the best friend you could possibly be to anyone else, you need to become your own best friend and show up for yourself. This is the friendship version of the corny, “No one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself”, shit they say in romcoms. Love yourself, bro.
