Every week, Zikoko spotlights the unfiltered stories of women navigating life, love, identity and everything in between. 

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

A few years ago, Naya*, 24, met someone online who felt like the friend she had always wanted. Same interests, same energy, easy to be around. By the time she realised something was very wrong, the friend had already worked her way into her family, her relationships, and her daily life. This is what she said.

Can you tell us about yourself?

I’m Naya*, I’m 24, based in Lagos. I’m a cosplayer, professional gamer, model, and voice actress. I do a lot of things. I’m someone who would rather avoid a problem than fight it, which is relevant to basically everything I’m about to say. So yes, I am an avoidant. 

What made you want to talk about this now?

I haven’t really talked about it with people. I don’t usually do that. But it’s been sitting with me, and I think putting it somewhere makes it easier to process. Also, if someone else is in something similar and they read this, maybe it helps them clock it earlier than I did. Having a friend try to steal your life is really quite the experience. 

Interesting. How did this friendship start?

We met online a few years before we ever met in person. What drew me to her was that we had a lot of the same interests, cosplay, gaming, and she was unapologetically herself regardless of what anyone said about it. That was attractive to me. I respected it. When we eventually met in person, it felt natural. She fit in with my siblings easily, they thought she was cool, and she became part of the regular rotation pretty quickly.

What was the friendship like?

Like you had finally found that one friend everyone talks about wanting. Someone who gets your references, moves in the same spaces, genuinely feels like your person. As I said, she’s also a cosplayer and gamer, so there was a lot of overlap, and it felt like we were building something together in that world. She introduced me to things, opportunities and people. It was good for a while.

When did something start feeling off?

The first things I noticed were small. There was an entitlement that showed up early, like if I helped her with something once, she would just expect it going forward without asking. And she had this thing where she was clearly upset about something, but if you asked, she would say she wasn’t, then continue being upset. Passive-aggressive to the core. And she bragged. A lot. I noticed those things, but I just ignored them. They felt minor at the time. No reason to end a whole friendship.

When did they stop being minor?

Where do I start? Copying things, stealing my gift idea for my sister, and so much more. The main thing that had me so uncomfortable was when I tried to have some time to myself, she would flip. We had spent one morning doing what she wanted, and after, I said I needed some me time, and it became a whole situation. She didn’t shout or make a scene; it was more like withdrawing. She was suddenly so cold. There was no warmth at all. You could feel the tension without anyone saying a word. Some hours later, from nowhere, she started asking me to send pictures and videos of whatever I was doing. For some reason, I still do not understand; my alarm bells rang loud!

Hmm. Did she react the same way when you spent time with other people?

The same energy, yes. There was always an undertone of coldness. It was never too obvious or direct, but pointed enough that you felt it. Just enough to make you feel slightly guilty for existing outside of her.

That sounds like a lot to deal with. You mentioned she copied things as well. What did that look like?

It started with small things. Suddenly liking things I liked when I knew those things were not her at all. Saying the kinds of things I say. I didn’t clock it immediately, and even when I did, I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it. Then it became harder to ignore. She started buying the same outfits I did. Not similar, exact. Then the tattoos started.

The tattoos?

I have tattoos. She started getting the same ones. Which, fine, people get inspired. But hers were always done cheap and it showed. The lines weren’t clean. Some of them got infected. She kept going back for more anyway. My siblings started noticing and pointing it out before I said anything to them. This made me start going, ” Ha? So this really isn’t in my head?

Wow. How did your siblings react to her?

They were always polite. She thought they loved her. But after a while, they started quietly disappearing whenever she came over, avoiding certain spaces and keeping their distance. Part of it was her hygiene. She smells badly and seems completely unbothered by it or genuinely unaware. My siblings would try not to get too close and would avoid coming into my room when they had been in there. Nobody said it to her face. We just all knew.

What about the gift you mentioned?

I was buying something for my sister, a customised merch item for something she really loves. I had it in my cart, showed it to my friend because I was excited about it, and then something happened with the app: it went out of stock or dropped from my cart, so I had to wait. Some time later, she came to me and said she had seen the item I was going to get, bought it, and that it would now be her gift to my sister. Just like that. I had shown her my idea, and she took it and wrapped it in her name. And she said it like she was doing something kind.

What did you do?

I didn’t say much. That’s my default. I avoid but I took note of everything.

What else did she do that had you questioning the friendship?

She had a lot of people pursuing her, but she wasn’t honest about any of it. Which I cannot understand. She always presented herself as completely unbothered by everyone chasing her. Men, women, all of it. Constantly saying they were bugging her, she wanted nothing to do with them, God forbid. But these same people kept appearing in her stories. I’m watching her post little clips from places, and I’m recognising some of these houses. Her own sisters, whom I got close to separately, told me things they thought they didn’t know. That she had been seeing her step-cousin. That there were other men she was billing and fucking. She was lying about all of it while performing this whole narrative about being chased and unbothered. I think she had told everyone she was 25, too. She’s 21.

Why lie about being 25?

I genuinely don’t know. She’s 21. She told people she was 25. Maybe she thought it made her seem more credible, more established. I do not understand why.

Did the lying ever cross into something that directly affected you?

She made a move on my boyfriend.

Say more.

It was subtle enough that my boyfriend second-guessed himself at first and thought maybe he was imagining it. But it happened more than once, and eventually he told me. When I asked my friend about it, she did premium deflecting. Complete shock, how could I think that, you know how much I love you both.

How did that change things for you?

That was when I stopped being confused and started being deliberate. I had been slowly pulling back already, but after that, I stopped making myself available. Less response, longer gaps, vaguer answers. My version of ending something is to quietly disappear until there’s nothing left to disappear from.

Has she noticed?

She’s noticed. She keeps trying to pull me back in, reaching out, being warm, acting like everything is normal. She’s threatened to just show up at my house. More than once. I don’t know how serious that is, but the fact that she says it at all is its own kind of message. It doesn’t feel like a friendship trying to repair itself. It feels like a hunt.

Why do you think nobody around her saw this earlier or took it seriously?

Because she presents well at first. Sweet, fun, the kind of person you want to be around. And people have this idea of sisterhood and girlfriends as something soft and safe; nobody really talks about how hard it actually is to find a woman you can fully trust, or how much damage the wrong one can do. When it goes wrong, people minimise it. It’s just girl drama. It’s not that deep. But it can be very deep.

Looking back, what do you think she actually wanted from the friendship?

I’m still figuring that out. I think she wanted to be close to something she felt she wasn’t. Not necessarily to become me, she couldn’t, but to absorb enough of it that she felt more real, more interesting, more seen. The copying, the lying, the performance of a life she wasn’t living. It all points to someone who doesn’t fully know who she is and wants to borrow someone else’s shape while she figures it out. The problem is she borrowed without asking and didn’t know when to stop.

What would you say to someone who recognises their friendship in this story?

Trust the feeling. When something keeps sitting wrong, it’s sitting wrong for a reason.

*Names have been changed.