Being the responsible one sounds admirable until it becomes a life sentence. From paying bills to holding everything together, these ten Nigerians share what it really costs to be the good child.

“I’m still caring for my family” — Bola*, 58 

I was the only child in my family who made it past primary school. Around the ‘80s,my uncle visited us in Oyo and promised to take whoever had the best result back to Lagos for further schooling. I made sure it was me, and he kept his word.

That opportunity changed my life, but it also came with pressure. I became the one my family depended on, and it pushed me into a decision I regret. I married a man I didn’t love and became his second wife to ease my financial burden.

Building a life with someone I don’t like hasn’t been easy. Even now, in my late 50s, I still carry my family’s responsibilities. I care for my siblings’ children and support them financially. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I feel resentful, but anytime I try to step back, they call me ungrateful and remind me  how privileged I was.

“I’m afraid of falling into addiction like my siblings” — John*, 28

Two of my older brothers struggled with drug addiction while I was growing up, and my parents were determined I wouldn’t end up like them. They were extremely strict, and I internalised that pressure.

I became cautious about everything. In university, I avoided friendships and social situations because I was scared of being influenced. I don’t let myself indulge in anything because I’m afraid of addiction.

I once cut out sugar because I panicked over my consumption of soft drinks. That was when I realised how deeply this fear had taken over me. I’m always on edge and it’s exhausting.

“My family refuses to prioritise my career” — Aisha*, 24

My parents are deeply religious, and I grew up doing everything right. I loved my faith, and in many ways, they built their expectations of me around that.

After I graduated with a first class, I wanted to focus on my career, but marriage came next. My father, an imam, introduced me to a man from the mosque. I didn’t feel strongly about him, but I went along because it felt like the right thing to do.

We got married after a few months of knowing each other. I planned to start my career afterwards, but I got pregnant almost immediately, and everything paused.

Now I have a newborn, and I struggle to balance being a good mother, wife and daughter. I’ve been feeling low and trapped. I looked it up and believe I may be dealing with postpartum depression. I wouldn’t have chosen this life so early but I did it to please everyone and be the good child.

“I’m in a career I don’t want” — Samuel*, 19

I’m my parents’ only surviving child. My siblings died at infancy from sickle cell, so everything they couldn’t be has been placed on me. My parents love me, but it comes with a lot of pressure. I’ve grown up feeling like I can’t afford to fail because I’ve been given the life they didn’t get. 

I’ve always been creative and wanted to study fine arts, but my parents pushed me to study law because it was my dad’s dream. I’ve felt a blanket of sadness since I got the admission.

I’m resuming school in a few months and it fills me with anxiety. I know I’m about to waste years chasing a career I don’t want.

“I sacrificed my education for my brother” — Jessica*, 26

I’m the first of six children, and I’ve been responsible for my siblings for as long as I can remember. I just completed  NYSC and I’m barely earning enough to get by, yet I pay my youngest sibling’s school fees. I can’t even be honest about how much I make because the expectation is that I take on more.

I had to stop at OND because my parents couldn’t afford to send both me and my younger brother to school when he got into university. I’m still bitter about it, and at the same time, I feel guilty for even feeling that way.

My life has been one long stretch of sacrifices, and it’s overwhelming. I get sad thinking about how I’m supposed to build my own life while carrying my family along. 

“Caring for my sick wife is overwhelming” — Charis*, 44

My wife was diagnosed with aphasia in 2022, and since then, life hasn’t been the same. I now care for her and our children, while going on like everything is fine.  On some days, I feel like she’s a burden, and I hate myself for thinking that because I know it’s not her fault. But the responsibility feels heavy. I’m overwhelmed and depressed.  I wonder how long I can keep going.

“I’m tired of motherhood” — Joy*, 32

I don’t enjoy being a mother, and that’s something I struggle to admit.

My husband works offshore, so I’m mostly raising our three children alone. When he’s around, I still take care of him too. It feels like I’m constantly working without getting a break.

I can see it affecting how I treat my children. People say I’m too hard on them, but it’s just a reaction to burn out.

Now, my husband wants a fourth child to ‘complete’ our family. I can’t even imagine it.  I know I can’t go through that again, I need to protect my mental health.

“My parents expect me to take on the bills” — Idris*, 24

I landed my first job in 2025 earning ₦ 120k. From the moment I started working, I became responsible for most of the household expenses. It was expected since I’m the oldest child at home.

Most times, I barely have anything left for myself after sorting out the bills, not even transport money. When I try to explain that I’m struggling, they call me selfish.

I don’t want to move out because it hurt them when my siblings left, but staying is draining me mentally and financially. I worry that if this continues, I’ll start resenting them.

“I moved across the country to escape my family” — Faith*, 25

As the first daughter, responsibility always fell on me, while my brothers weren’t held to the same standards. When my parents had surprise twins while I was still in secondary school, I became their second mum. I  skipped school on many occasions just to care for them.

When I got into university, I avoided home as much as I could. The thought of breaks gave me anxiety. After graduating, I made sure my NYSC posting was far away. My parents didn’t take it well and think I’m distancing myself, but I don’t really care anymore.

It’s changed how I see my future. I don’t want children because I feel like I’ve already raised enough. Even relationships scare me because I worry I’ll end up parenting a partner too.

“I’ve become a people’s pleaser” — Precious*, 31

I was a brilliant child growing up and my parents placed all their hopes on me. Somewhere along the way, I became a people pleaser. I started lying to keep up an image. At first it was small things, but it quickly became a habit. I lied about what I was doing just to avoid disappointing my parents.

Even as an adult, I still struggle with it. I catch myself impulsively pleasing people and I’ve lost relationships and friendships because of it. I hate that part of myself, and I’m trying to change, but it’s difficult. I’ve spent so long protecting an image that I don’t know how to be myself.

Need support? Here are some Nigerian mental health resources that may help.

Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) — Youth-focused mental health support

mentallyaware.org | Crisis support: +234 916 841 7413

SURPIN — Suicide prevention & crisis intervention

surpinng.com | 080 0078 7746

National Emergency Helpline: 112