Behind every act of infidelity is a story of unmet needs, resentment, self-protection, simple revenge, or sometimes, pure boredom. We have heard a lot about it from the perspective of the person who was cheated on, so we got Nigerian women to flip the script and share what pushed them to cheat on their partners. 

1. “It’s not ingrained in me to be loyal to one person” — Kemi*, 30

I am not a commitment person. It’s not ingrained in me to be loyal to one person. Once someone becomes my partner, I get bored and start looking for the next thrill. This has happened so many times that my friends are surprised I still see people to date despite my reputation for cheating on every one of my partners. 

I’m in a relationship that’s been going on for six months. In our third month, I got bored and reinstalled a dating app. I’ve met someone, and we’ve been having a thing on the side for three months now. She is aware of my girlfriend, but she doesn’t really care. I introduced her to my girlfriend as my friend. The two of them have interacted several times, and one can even call them friends at this point. 

I want to say I feel guilty about the entire thing, but I don’t, actually. 

2. “I wanted a breakup, but my boyfriend said no” — Olamide*, 29

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for five years. During our fourth year together, he got really wrapped up in his job, and although he really did his best to be available, the energy was really different. I need an emotional connection with the person I love, and he wasn’t giving me that. While this was happening and I was convincing myself that I could stay because he and I had been together for a long time, I started talking to someone new. 

This new person, Kunle*, started meeting the emotional needs that my boyfriend no longer was, and at first, I tried to act as if he and I could just be friends. But then one day, I told myself to stop lying to myself, so I decided to break up with my boyfriend to be with this person. When I brought up the topic of a breakup, my boyfriend said no. This led to a fight, and he kept saying he wouldn’t let me leave the relationship. 

It felt like I was being threatened, so I decided to stay in the relationship, but I also started seeing Kunle on the side. It wasn’t until months after the fifth year anniversary that my boyfriend found out about Kunle and confronted me about it. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t take it well, but at least we finally broke up. 

3. “The long distance put a strain on our relationship” — Anna*, 32 

My boyfriend and I were in a long-distance relationship and had never met physically. We were constantly fighting, even over the littlest things. There are times we would go no-contact because of our fights. 

It was during one of these fights that I got super drunk and started flirting on the phone with one of my male friends, telling him that I just really wanted to have sex because of how horny I felt at that moment. I asked him to come over to my place, and we had sex. It was the next day that it really dawned on me that I’d cheated on my boyfriend, and I felt really guilty about it. I never confessed to him, though. 

4. “I was battling internalised homophobia” — Etim*, 25

When I was with my ex-girlfriend, my first queer relationship, I’d faced an identity crisis of sorts. At some point in my life, I was an extremely religious person, but I thought I could have a queer relationship without any issues. I was wrong. My internalised homophobia would occasionally jump out during the relationship, and I started feeling guilty every time she and I so much as kissed. If we had sex, I would feel guilty about it for days because I was constantly thinking what we did was a sin. 

Because of this constant battle with myself, I began to lose feelings for her and instead felt resentment. I didn’t know how to communicate with her about it, so I just stayed in the relationship. Then I met a guy who was so easy to talk to. Every time I was with him, I would think about how my parents would love that I had a boyfriend. 

I felt like God would be proud of me for being with a boy instead of a girl. So, that was how I ended up exploring a relationship while hiding the fact that I had a girlfriend. My girlfriend wasn’t aware of it, and for months it was like this, until I finally summoned the courage to break up with her. 

5. “He slept with me on a bet” — Ella*, 28 

In my second year at university, someone made a bet with his friends that he could have sex with me. To win the bet, he lovebombed me for a month, I caught feelings and had sex with him. A week after having sex with him, one of my friends found out about the bet and told me. I was really hurt because I’d caught feelings, but I never confronted him about it and just pretended he didn’t exist anymore.

We had the same project supervisor in our final year, so we started talking again, and he started to catch feelings for me. He apologised about the bet thing, so I agreed to be his girlfriend… with a plan in mind. I was going to cheat on him with his best friend.

For months, I played his loving girlfriend while having a side thing with his best friend. I desperately wanted him to feel the same way I felt when I found out about the bet. So, after denim day, I kissed his best friend, took a picture of us, and shared it on my public Snapchat story.

When he saw it, he crashed out in my DMs, asking why I would do that to him. I reminded him of what he did to me in our second year, and blocked him afterwards. After that, he avoided me whenever he saw me in public.

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6. “My husband kept cheating on me” — Lolade*, 40 

One day, my best friend visited me to let me know that my husband had made a move on her, and she even had messages to back up her claim. In the messages, she’d asked him why he would want to do that to me. I don’t remember his response, but I remember crying because it showed how little he cared for me. 

I remember wanting to confront him, but just two months before my best friend approached me about him, I’d read his sexual chats with one of his co-workers. I’d confronted him about that one, and for days he kept apologising, saying he would never do it again. I’d foolishly believed him until my best friend showed me those text messages. 

I wasn’t going to be like my mother, who loved a man who constantly cheated on her. I couldn’t divorce him then because our kids were still little, and everyone would have mocked me, so I did the next best thing. I started cheating back, and I didn’t just cheat with one person. 

For some reason, men seem to like having side relationships with married women, so I’ve never run out of options. I’ve been doing this for almost a decade now, and my husband has never suspected because of it. Unlike him, I don’t leave my phone lying around. I’m pretty sure he has a little suspicion, but has just chosen not to think too much about it.

7. “My ex was a man-child” — Favour*, 21 

He had a habit of complaining about anything and everything. He would see me talking to a male friend and automatically assume the worst. When we had issues, he would make a point of not talking to me. There were times when he would be at fault, but I would be the one apologising because he was steadily funding my lifestyle.

I was still with him when I met Kevin*, my second-year crush. Talking to him made me realise that I’d been settling for less with my boyfriend. I didn’t even feel guilty when I fell into bed with him and started cheating on my boyfriend. He was everything my boyfriend was not. He was a better communicator, and unlike my boyfriend, he actually knew how to pleasure a woman’s body. I never had to walk on eggshells. I would have loved to explore more with him, but then, I found out he was also dating someone.

8. “I was in a relationship with a serial cheater” — Maria*, 26 

There was a time I was in a relationship with someone who would not stop cheating. 

We dated for about a year and three months, and two months into our relationship, she started cheating on me with her ex, whom she had introduced me to. When I confronted her about it, she apologised and said it would never happen again, but over the course of our relationship, she cheated on me four times with three different people. I got tired of it all and decided to get my lick back. 

I cheated on her with her best friend, then left my phone open and lying around so she could read our chats with her best friend. When she saw them, I did my best to manipulate her into believing that I didn’t do it. I told her she was reading too much into the messages. 

It was only three weeks later that I confessed, and she crashed out. 

9. “I thought she would cheat on me, so I did it first” — Grace*, 30 

My ex-girlfriend is literally one of the most beautiful and amazing women to ever exist, so I thought she would definitely cheat on me. Because of this, I went ahead to cheat first, so when she cheats on me, I wouldn’t feel bad. 

The cheating kept going on until the girl I was cheating on her with told me she wanted to tell my girlfriend what was going on. She showed me my girlfriend’s private spam account, and I knew I was in trouble. In the end, I had to confess to my girlfriend, and she broke up with me immediately. 

10. “My boyfriend had a habit of ghosting” — Amirah*, 28

In my final year of university, I was dating a Yahoo boy who had a bad habit of ghosting me for weeks if he didn’t have a “client”. He tied his worth to his money, but I never cared if he was broke. Yes, he was funding my lifestyle, but I had financially stable parents. I was mostly in the relationship because he knew what to do with my body, so imagine how frustrating it is when he goes off the grid for a month or two. 

My friends were the ones who reminded me that I had plenty of options, and so, it began. Whenever my boyfriend went off the grid, I would text any of my former talking stages or situationships, and they were always willing to come through to satisfy my physical desires. I never felt guilty about it because it’s actually his fault for leaving me alone for weeks. 

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