Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Deborah* (30) and Oba* (33) met and struck up a friendship at work in 2021.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about him being everyone’s favourite coworker, the night in Ibadan that changed their friendship, and getting engaged despite her family’s concerns about his decision to leave banking to become a full-time pastor.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Deborah: Oba and I met in 2021 after I was transferred to the bank branch where he worked. Oba was my first point of contact when I arrived. He seemed genuinely nice from that first interaction: he helped me settle in, showed me around, introduced me to people, and explained how things worked in the branch. But it didn’t take long for me to realise that Oba wasn’t just nice to me. He was everyone’s favourite coworker, just generally being kind and approachable. Everybody liked him and wanted to be around him.
Oba: I didn’t have it easy when I joined the banking industry. The system can be harsh, and people can be unkind. But I made a conscious decision not to let the system change who I was. I was intentional about being nice, being helpful, and maintaining my values even in a difficult work environment.
That’s why I help everyone settle in. That’s also how I met Deborah, and we naturally struck a cordial bond.
Right. Let’s talk about the first few months working together.
Deborah: We started off as cordial coworkers and had nothing beyond work conversations. But I found myself wanting his friendship. He seemed like someone I’d genuinely get along with outside of work. The problem was that being friends with everyone’s favourite coworker wasn’t easy. Some colleagues were already starting to get jealous of the attention he gave me when I first arrived. I didn’t want to create unnecessary drama or make enemies in a new workplace. So I stepped back.
Oba: I actually liked Debby from early on. I enjoyed talking to her. I looked forward to seeing her at work. I’d come around her desk often to find excuses to chat. Then I noticed she started withdrawing from me. She became more distant and less warm. I didn’t understand why, but I respected it and pulled back. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or seem like I was forcing a friendship she didn’t want.
Deborah: Later in the year, several people from the branch, including Oba and me, attended a colleague’s wedding in Ibadan. I’d planned to return to Lagos after the reception. But it got really late, and travelling back that night would have been risky. Oba suggested I could sleep at his family’s house. His parents lived there.
I was hesitant at first. Going to a colleague’s family home felt like crossing a professional boundary. But it was safer than travelling back to Lagos at night on those roads. So I agreed.
His family was lovely when we arrived, very welcoming and warm. They didn’t ask awkward or uncomfortable questions. They gave me a room, made sure I was comfortable, and offered me food and refreshments. That night, after settling in, Oba and I talked for hours in the living room. We gisted about everything you can imagine: work stories, life experiences, our families, our different experiences navigating the banking industry, our frustrations and joys. It felt like we’d known each other for years.
Oba: The conversation flowed naturally. We just clicked in a way I hadn’t experienced with many people. There was no awkwardness or uncomfortable silences. We talked, laughed, and shared stories until it was well past midnight. I remember thinking that this was special, that Deborah was someone I could really connect with on a deeper level.
Hmmm.
Deborah: I told Oba why I’d withdrawn earlier in the year. I explained the jealousy I’d sensed from other colleagues and how I’d created distance to keep the peace. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be friends with him.
Oba: I wished she’d mentioned it earlier. I understood office politics, and I’d dealt with jealousy before. But I also didn’t think we should let other people’s pettiness dictate our friendship. Still, I understood why she’d made that choice. And now that we’d cleared the air, we could move forward.
Sweet. So what happened next?
Deborah: After we returned to Lagos, we became even closer. The conversation we’d had that night opened something up between us.
Oba: I stopped caring about what people at work said. If they wanted to gossip, that was their problem. I was around Debby constantly. We’d have lunch together, take breaks together, and chat throughout the day. During this time, I started realising that what I felt for her went beyond friendship. I was developing romantic feelings.
Did you sense this shift, Deborah?
Deborah: I could tell something was different. The way he looked at me, the attention he gave me. It was different from before. But I didn’t make any assumptions. As long as it wasn’t spoken out loud, I chalked it all up to friendship.
Oba: I eventually shot my shot after some time. I told her I liked her and wanted us to explore something beyond friendship. But I didn’t get a yes.
Oh.
Deborah: I didn’t agree for two main reasons. First, I was in a relationship. Second, even if I were single, I had a rule about not dating coworkers. The banking industry is small, and I’d seen too many workplace relationships go badly.
Oba: I respected that she was with someone. But I didn’t care about the coworker part. People dated in the banking industry all the time and got married successfully. I’d seen it happen. So that reason didn’t hold much weight for me. But I understood her position, and I backed off. We maintained our friendship.
I see. And how did the relationship progress over time?
Deborah: We were still cordial. By early 2023, I’d ended my relationship. It had run its course. I took several months to heal properly and get myself to a good place emotionally. Once I felt ready to date again, I mentioned it to Oba casually during one of our conversations.
Oba: I’d been there throughout her breakup and healing process. I looked out for her as a friend, checked on her, and supported her however I could. But I never pushed anything romantic. I gave her space. Still, my feelings for her never went away. I’d always kept my eyes on her, hoping that maybe one day the timing would work out.
And coincidentally, around that same time, I was leaving the bank. I’d decided to answer a pastoral calling. I was transitioning out of banking to become a full-time pastor. So things were aligning in our favour.
Curious, Deborah. How did you feel when you learned he was becoming a pastor?
Deborah: I had serious reservations when I learned he was transitioning to full-time pastoral work. I knew Oba was religious. But I didn’t know the extent or depth of his commitment to ministry. I didn’t know he was this deep into it, to the point where he’d leave a stable, well-paying banking career to pursue it full-time. Becoming a full-time pastor is a massive, life-altering decision. It comes with expectations, serious responsibilities, a certain lifestyle and conduct. That worried me significantly for a while. I had to really think deeply about whether I was ready for that kind of life, whether I could handle being a pastor’s wife, and whether that was the path I wanted for myself and my future family.
Oba: I completely understood her concerns and didn’t take them lightly. Pastoral life genuinely isn’t for everyone. There are demands on your time, expectations for how you conduct yourself publicly, and responsibilities to a congregation. I wanted her to be fully aware and informed of what she’d be signing up for if she chose to be with me. I didn’t want to surprise her later or have her feel trapped.
Deborah: But something in my spirit kept telling me that Oba was my husband. I’d felt it for a while, even before things got romantic. There was this knowing, this peace about him. So despite my initial reservations, I trusted that inner voice. We started courting toward the end of 2023.
Cute. And how has that been?
Oba: It’s been a beautiful relationship. We understand each other and share similar values. We built a strong foundation as friends first, so transitioning to romance felt natural. We’re engaged now, planning to marry.
Deborah: I don’t regret saying yes to this relationship. But there’s been one ongoing challenge that affects us both.
What’s that?
Deborah: My family still has strong reservations about Oba. Specifically, they’re deeply worried about him abandoning his stable banking career to become a full-time pastor. My parents especially keep bringing it up in conversations. They ask detailed questions about our financial stability and future plans, whether he’ll be able to adequately provide for a family, and whether we’ve thought through the long-term implications. They’re concerned that he’s made a reckless decision by leaving a secure, well-paying profession for something less financially secure.
Oba: I won’t lie, it’s disappointing. I wish they could see beyond the career change and trust that I know what I’m doing. But I’m handing it over to God. I can’t control how they feel or what they think. I get paid a regular salary as a pastor. It’s not like I’m doing volunteer work without any income or depending on offerings and goodwill. The church compensates me properly for my work and my time. I have a steady, predictable income stream every month. I manage my finances responsibly and carefully.
I’m not struggling financially or living paycheck to paycheck. So honestly, I don’t fully understand what the deep worry is about. Yes, banking pays well, especially at senior levels. But pastoral work also pays a decent salary. Maybe not at exactly the same level as banking, but it’s sufficient for a good quality of life.
Deborah: I think my parents are comparing his current pastoral salary to what he used to make in banking. So in their minds, he’s taken a significant pay cut.
Oba: I understand they’re coming from a place of care for their daughter. They want to make sure she’s taken care of. I respect that. But I also need them to trust that this is my calling, my path, and I’m walking it with full conviction. I didn’t make this decision lightly or impulsively.
Have you tried to make your family see things from his perspective, Deborah?
Deborah: It’s been genuinely challenging and emotionally draining. I love my family deeply, and I want their blessing and full support for this marriage. I’ve tried repeatedly to reassure my parents, patiently explaining that we’ll be fine and that Oba is a responsible and capable man who knows how to provide. But despite all my efforts, they’re still worried and anxious. It creates real tension sometimes between them and me, and it weighs on me emotionally. I’m caught between honouring my parents and moving forward with the man I love.
Oba: I know it’s incredibly hard for Deborah to be in this position. But I also can’t and won’t go back into banking just to appease them or ease their concerns. This pastoral calling isn’t a career experiment or a phase I’m going through. This is genuinely what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.
Right.
Oba: As long as I have the love and support of my wife, I’m not worried about what anyone else thinks. Deborah is the one I’m building a life with. She’s the one who’ll be by my side through everything. If she believes and trusts me, then that’s what matters most. Her family’s concerns are valid, but they’re not the ones living this life; we are.
Deborah: I trust that we’ll be okay financially. I’ve made peace with this path we’re on together.
Let’s move on. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Deborah: Oba is consistent and genuine. What you see is what you get. He’s the same person in public as he is in private. He’s kind, thoughtful, and supportive. He makes me feel loved and valued. Even with the family concerns, he’s patient and understanding.
Oba: Deborah is strong and loyal. She stands by me even when it’s difficult. She believes in me when others doubt. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, she challenges me to be better. I’m grateful to have her as my partner.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Deborah: I’d give it a 9. We have a strong relationship built on friendship and genuine love. The only reason it’s not a 10 is because of the external pressure from my family. But that’s not a reflection of what Oba and I have together.
Oba: I’d also say 9. Deborah and I are solid. We’re building something beautiful together.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
