Sometimes, in Nigeria, adulthood isn’t just about age; it’s about the permission to assert yourself constantly. You can be 30, have a degree, even pay bills, yet still get treated like a rebellious teenager. For many young Nigerians, adulthood isn’t something they step into: it’s something they have to fight for. We asked some of them what it’s like to live under parental control even as adults, and they had a lot to get off their chests.
“I can’t imagine my life without controlling parents” – Tomiwa*, 22, M
Tomiwa expected more freedom after turning 18, but his parents have refused to let up. After several failed attempts to assert himself, he’s decided to manage the situation until he can stand on his own.
“I’m 22 and still fully dependent on my parents. When I turned 18, I expected a little more freedom to make my personal choices, but I never got that, no matter how much I protested or rebelled.
My strict 6:00 p.m. curfew remains the most annoying rule I have to follow. Because of it, I rarely go out when I’m home from school. I must ask permission before visiting anyone or risk problems at home.
Once, I complained about how suffocating the rules felt, and my dad flogged me until I bled. I still have scars from that beating. This control has affected me in both good and bad ways. I realised I can’t make decisions without first checking with them. Even in school, I find myself reporting everything I do. On the flip side, I’ve become a good liar. They never allowed me to learn a skill so I don’t make any money. I watch my mates living independently, while I still ask permission to visit a friend.. If I try to assert myself, they complain or preach that the devil wants to lead me astray. They only support any decision I make if they think it’s ‘good enough’.
The worst part is I can’t imagine life without them. Their control gives me structure and stability I don’t know how to replicate. I don’t make big decisions about my life, and in its own way, it’s freeing. I hate it, but I’ve gotten used to it. These days, I just go with the flow for peace to reign.”
“They paint my independence as rebellion, but it’s not true” – Demi*, 22, F
Even though Demi lives on her own, she still has to defend her choices. As the first child, breaking this cycle of control is important for her siblings’ access to free will.
“I currently live alone thanks to NYSC. I paid my rent myself, and I don’t contribute to bills at home. I help out occasionally, but that’s about it.
The first time I noticed I was still being treated like a teenager was after university. I wanted to visit a friend, and my parents questioned me like it was secondary school all over again. They asked if the friend had ever visited me before. When I insisted, they gave me a strict time to be home.
When I’m at home, I have to follow other strict rules, including no calls after 8:00 p.m. and a 7:00 p.m.curfew. The night call ban frustrates me the most. I try not to follow all their rules, but it always ends in exhausting arguments.
For instance, the school I’m serving at recently went on a mid-term break, and my mum insisted I return home. When I refused, she reported me to my dad, claiming I was spending time with a man.
This constant monitoring has especially affected my social life. I barely have friends, let alone a romantic relationship.
I’m 22; if I can’t make my own decisions now, when will I? I’m the first child, and it’s important that I break free of their control so my siblings can have an easier run. My mum keeps trying to paint my need for independence as rebellion, but I know she just wants to keep me under her thumb.
If I had total autonomy, I’d live without worrying about their approval. My social life would improve, and I’d finally be able to make and keep friends.”
“My mum refuses to treat me like an adult” — Mide*, 22, F
Mide shares how, even after leaving university, her mum’s control still dictactes her every move.
“I’m freshly out of uni and waiting on NYSC, so I’m still dependent on my parents. My mum still treats me like a child; her word is always final. She says I’m grown, but never treats me like my own person.
She needs to know everything — where I am, where I’m going, who I’m going with. She also insists I follow her to church even when I don’t want to.
I find myself scared of doing basic things because I know I’ll eventually have to explain myself.. It’s very draining, and half the time I don’t even bother at all.
Whenever I try to assert any kind of independence, she reminds me she’s my mum and older than me; typical Yoruba mother stuff. If I had full autonomy, I’d live on my own away from their constant monitoring. I think I’d also find socialising and dating a lot easier.”
“I just got my independence and now, I know it’s something that must be fought for” — Augustus*, 31, M
Augustus only recently broke free from his mother’s control. Despite paying most of the bills, he still lived by her strict rules.
“I lived with my mum till I was 30 and only moved out in September 2024. She’s been retired for a while, so I paid rent and split other bills with my brother. Despite this fact, my living situation was awful.
My mother is very traditional and loves reminding me she’s older. Anytime she doesn’t get her way, she’d pull the ‘Don’t you know I’m your mother?’ card. I couldn’t stay out late, and even when I stayed with friends or lodged at a hotel, it caused arguments. Even watching a late-night movie caused problems; she’d ask why I wasn’t using the time to pray. Anything that didn’t align with her personal traditional and religious beliefs, she tried to shut down.
She always wanted to know what was happening in my friendships or relationships. I’m a confident person, but her behaviour still affected my social life. When I lived with her, my female friends couldn’t visit because she assumed I had something more with them. I even stopped inviting my male friends because she would ask them a thousand and one questions.
When I tried to assert myself, she didn’t take it well. She’d get livid and combative every time I tried to do things on my own. At 29, she was still dictating what I could or couldn’t do. My mates already had children, but she was trying to tell me how to live my life.
Now that I live alone, I’m able to spend time with my friends more intimately. They can visit and chill until they’re ready to leave. It was something I was never allowed to do.”
“At night, I hide my phone from my parents” — Timileyin*, 28, F
Timileyin shares how she’s secretly planning to escape her parents’ suffocating control.
“I still live with my parents, but I’m secretly planning to move out in early 2026. They’ve always been overbearing and monitored my movement since secondary school. They hardly let me visit friends, and my friends couldn’t visit either. Even in university, I wasn’t allowed to stay in the hostel. My dad would drop me off at the gate every morning and pick me up after class. I never attended any parties or school dinners.
Once, in 2017, my mum went through my phone and found my messages with my crush on Facebook. I had to start handing my phone to them every night. It’s been very frustrating.
I still have a 7:00 p.m. curfew, even though I work at a front desk. Lagos traffic means I get into trouble with them a lot if I get home late. Whenever I do, they accuse me of following bad girls and say that if I ruin my life, it’s my fault.
One of my coworkers is 23 and lives alone. She seems more put together than I am, and I envy her freedom. My parents’ control has really affected my confidence. I find it hard to stand up for myself.
Two years ago, I told them I wanted to get my own apartment, but they refused. They kicked against the idea, saying armed robbers could attack or that no man would marry a woman living alone. Eventually, I gave up the idea and continued living with them.. I’ve only recently started fighting back, and they don’t take it well. Now, I refuse to give them my phone at night; instead, I hide it. It drives my mum crazy. She accuses me of watching porn or talking to men. I barely entertain the accusations. It’s ridiculous that I even have to hand over my phone at all.
I’ve been saving up for the past eight months. When I get to my target, I’ll move out and rent a decent two-bedroom apartment. I don’t plan to tell them until it’s time to move. I look forward to making new friends and hosting them at my place. It’s something I’ve only seen people do on social media.”
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