Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
*Nuel (32) and Princess (31) met at church in 2021, but it wasn’t love at first sight. It was more Instagram likes and slow-burn conversations.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about individually navigating heartbreaks, the drama of house hunting right before their first wedding anniversary, and why Nuel had to cut off friends to save their relationship.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Princess: It was during a Sunday church service in June 2021. My sister had approached him because he made T-shirts, and she needed his services. During their conversation, I noticed how tall he was. He also rocked this cool denim outfit.
Nuel: Mine is also from church, probably in the same month. I arrived late and sat behind a pillar, so I asked the usher to move me. While walking to my new seat, I spotted Princess sitting at the edge of a row and thought, “This babe is fine.” That was it until we started talking weeks later.
Right. How did that happen?
Nuel: As she mentioned, I was already in contact with her sister. That same Sunday, her sister posted Princess’ picture on WhatsApp, and I said, “Oh, I saw this girl in church today. She’s fine.” She laughed and said, “That’s my elder sister.”
So I went on Instagram, found her page, liked almost all her pictures, hoping to get her attention, but she didn’t respond. Days later, she posted a picture with some church members, and I replied, “Today that I didn’t come, you people took group pictures.” She promised we’d take one the next time I came to church, and that’s how things kicked off.
Princess: After he followed me and liked my photos on Instagram, I told my sister, and she said, “Grevo (that’s his brand name) that is looking for a wife.” I laughed, checked his pictures and kept it moving. To me, he was just another admirer. I wasn’t interested in a relationship. At most, I thought we could be friends.
Any reason why you weren’t interested in dating?
Princess: I was healing from a three-year-long heartbreak, and I couldn’t trust any man yet. For my peace of mind, I stayed single the whole time.
Fair enough. So, what happened next?
Princess: After that Instagram exchange, we started texting more. Our conversations didn’t feel new; they felt like two old friends reconnecting.
Nuel: Our conversations felt easy and natural, like she mentioned. I wasn’t ready for a relationship either. In fact, I wasn’t expecting her to respond on Instagram when I sent the message. But she did, and I felt pressured to continue what I’d started. We continued texting and eventually moved to WhatsApp.
Why the pressure, though? Especially since her sister said you were looking to settle down.
Nuel: I was still nursing a breakup from May. Princess came on my radar in June, so it felt like bad timing. I hadn’t processed the breakup fully and didn’t want to carry baggage into anything new. Still, it eventually turned out to be the perfect timing for us.
I see. Did the pace pick up once you moved to WhatsApp?
Princess: One thing was certain: We talked every day. We talked about our families and careers, and constantly sent each other funny reels on Instagram. It never felt forced.
Nuel: The pace was the same, but it was easier to talk on WhatsApp. There was a lot of getting to know each other and lots of bantering. We also exchanged lots of funny stickers and memes.
So, when did love enter the conversation?
Nuel: We put off that topic until July, when we’d gotten more comfortable with each other.
Princess: I told him about my past relationship, how it ended, and how I wasn’t sure I was ready for a relationship. But if it happens, I’ll embrace it.
Nuel: We talked about our heartbreaks, and she jokingly said, “It’s her loss.” That was when I caught the vibe that it was about time to make my move. But being a shy person, I didn’t exactly know how to come clean about my intentions.
You mentioned earlier that you weren’t ready for a relationship. What changed?
Nuel: After my last breakup, I vowed to only date someone who was on the same level as me. I wanted a well-employed graduate ready to settle down and someone who cared about my business. As a friend, Princess ticked all the boxes.
She always visited my workplace with food and would occasionally help with tasks, which drew me to her.
Did you do all of these things because you wanted him to make a move, Princess?
Princess: Not at all. I’d do these things for a friend and simply enjoy our friendship. I knew he wanted more since he liked all my pictures on Instagram, but I didn’t do anything with that knowledge.
So did you eventually summon the courage to ask her out, Nuel?
Nuel: I asked her out on WhatsApp, and she said, “Come to my house and ask me to my face.” The next day, on 21 August 2021, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. That was how our relationship started.
Must be nice. What were the early days like?
Princess: Those were beautiful days. He always came around to keep me company, even when he was tired. We also had our first vacation at Obudu Cattle Ranch during this period. We had cinema dates every month, and because I’m a foodie, I always looked for new restaurants to explore with him. He also got me a brand new phone, which excited me.
But just like every new relationship, we also had times when we misunderstood each other. However, we made a pact that we couldn’t go to bed angry at each other.
Nuel: I’ll say our early days were amazing. Before we even started dating, I already knew what she liked, and she knew what I liked. So, it made it easier to explore our joint and individual interests. And for someone like me who likes to show off, we explored many places and food. Princess also had prayer times; we had to go to and return from church together.
But like she said, we had our share of arguments and misunderstandings.
Please tell me more.
Nuel: I was mostly responsible, to be honest. I was a friendly butterfly to everyone and struggled to keep boundaries. Princess didn’t like that.
Every time we stepped out, I exchanged pleasantries with at least two people. At first, I didn’t see the issue. We would argue repeatedly, and she’d stress the need for me to establish boundaries.
It was worse because most of these people were women. Even then, they were people I’d known for years. The lack of boundaries also extended to my interactions on the phone, with people I was texting and calling. I had to learn the importance of drawing a clear line.
Princess: I didn’t have a problem with his friendly nature. The only problem was that the people he befriended didn’t understand the concept of boundaries, which was an issue.
How did you guys resolve this?
Princess: He cut off some of them, especially the ones I had problems with, and we decided to be more transparent.
Nuel: I became more intentional with my interactions and had to stop using my SIM card. I switched to a new card and deleted some contacts.
You didn’t feel like you were cutting off people you’d known all your life?
Nuel: Honestly, I didn’t. I knew it was a problem I didn’t want to have with Princess.
Fair enough. When did you realise you had truly fallen for each other and wanted to get married?
Nuel: I told myself one day, “This is who I want to be with,” and that was it. We had dated for a year and some months. I got a ring from that singular declaration two months before I asked her to marry me. I proposed in December 2022.
Princess: For me, it was a culmination of everything that made him so right. He loved my family, made me feel safe, and didn’t shy away from taking on responsibilities where it mattered. He was just different from anyone I had been with, and I knew that spending the rest of my life with him wouldn’t be a mistake. I had no doubts when he asked me for my hand in marriage, and I gave him a glowing yes. We eventually got married in November 2023.
You’ve both been married for a year and some months. How has that journey been?
Princess: I could write a whole book about our two years of marriage. It’s truly been an experience. It feels good to wake up each morning beside your best friend. We cook together and even eat together. It’s our tradition now.
We also have a tradition of taking morning walks before we begin our day. In all, I learn new things about the man almost every day.
Nuel: Everything she said, but just like every couple, the little squabbles still find a way to get in the way. But dating has already made learning how to approach and talk about our issues easier.
What “little squabbles”?
Nuel: Let’s just say we struggled to find time for each other after I transitioned to working from home. I’d be up during the day, but I didn’t see the need to wake her since she worked at night because of the time zone difference. So, we barely had time for each other. That was why we started taking walks to talk and bond.
We’ve also navigated issues around priorities and perfectionism. I strive for perfection, which sometimes leads to spending disagreements. We found a solution by setting aside monthly money for specific chores, dividing tasks, and respecting each other’s preferences. This approach has helped us streamline our routine and reduce stress.
Nice. Nuel, you said earlier that your tendency to over-socialise with people was a problem. Has this resurfaced in your marriage?
Nuel: No, it hasn’t.
After we got married, I became even more intentional about maintaining boundaries. One way I’ve kept to this is by granting her access to everything — my phone and laptop — and she knows my login details for everything. This knowledge helps me maintain the boundaries I’ve drawn with people.
How do your friends feel about this boundary?
Nuel: Funny enough, they all understand and haven’t complained. Or should I say I didn’t give room for complaints because I had to cut some of them off.
What’s the hardest challenge you’ve both navigated as a couple?
Princess: I’m not sure it’s a challenge, but the period we were looking for a new place was really overwhelming. This was around two months before our first wedding anniversary.
Finding a place within our budget was difficult. Even when we found a place, we had to wait an extra two months because it wasn’t ready. We had to start the search all over again before we finally found the perfect place.
Did house hunting put any strain on your relationship?
Princess: Not at all. We even bonded more. We had sold off some of our furniture, including our couch, because we no longer needed it. We brought our mattress to the living room and would basically chill together on the days we were not house hunting. We would watch movies, eat, drink, and laugh about our situation.
Nuel: I agree it was a good time, but house hunting also strained our relationship. We didn’t pay attention to ourselves as much. Communication became hard because I was mostly angry from the disappointments of house hunting, either by the state of the apartment I’d seen or the location.
It made me reactive to things I’d have otherwise ignored. It felt like we were spending money we didn’t have. But then we sold our couch and started sleeping on the mattress in the living room. That really helped us find our way back to each other.
But did you learn anything you could use in your marriage during this period?
Nuel: I learnt Princess doesn’t like talking about a thing even if her countenance shows something’s wrong. I’m the opposite. I prefer addressing issues and clearing the air as soon as they arise. I’m not the best version of myself in such high-pressure situations; she handles the pressure better.
I’ve had to learn to let her relax and process things in her own time. Sometimes, I just pick an activity she loves, and since she likes to help out, she’ll join in, and we’ll just start talking.
Princess: I mostly avoid addressing issues immediately so I don’t say things I don’t mean. So, I’ll rather wait for time to pass before saying anything at all. Sometimes, I initiate the conversation; other times, I wait until he brings it up again. His method of getting my attention through a shared activity has been really helpful.
What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Nuel: It’s knowing that you’ve found your “guy” and sticking with that person. We’ve identified ourselves as our own family. Princess and I believe that we are building a home and every one of our action points towards it.
When I make suggestions, she’s already thinking in the same direction, making our sync amazing.
Princess: For someone like me, who doesn’t talk a lot, it feels so good to have someone with whom I can be completely vulnerable and yap away without judgment. I admire the level of transparency we share as a couple.
Right. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Nuel: I’ll say 10. But just like all marriages, we have our fair share of challenges. But the future looks good.
Princess: It’s a 10 for me as well. Our love life was built on friendship, which has made our marriage easy.
