Page 76 | Zikoko!

The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

I met my wife, Sola, through a family friend in 2022, and we got married a year later. October 2026 will make it our third year of marriage.

Tell me more about how you met

I had been single for about three years and was ready to try another relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. But most of the ladies I met weren’t serious. Once I talked to them for a while and expressed interest, they would start asking me for money. I sell and repair ACs; I don’t have money like that.

I was tired of the constant billing, but I also wanted to find a good woman. So, I started to tell family and friends that I was looking for a wife. A close family friend connected me with Sola. At first, I didn’t consider her as an option, but she turned out to be an understanding and caring woman.

Why didn’t you consider her?

She had a two-year-old daughter. It’s not that I didn’t like her because she was a single mother; I just thought her child was young. I was worried that she was still involved with her child’s father or had to talk to him. I didn’t want to be with someone who had another man in her life.

However, my family friend assured me that the child’s father had abandoned them in Nigeria and married someone else in another country. That meant they wouldn’t be seeing each other physically, and he wouldn’t be calling her every time either.

I started getting to know Sola better. We connected, and I liked her character. She didn’t bill me like other women. In fact, she cooked and served me the first day I went to her house. We weren’t even dating then. It showed me that she was really mature and wouldn’t need a man to give her money before showing him respect and care.

Interesting. What was Sola’s financial situation like when you got together?

She taught at a school — she still does — and also had a hairdressing salon in front of her family’s house. I don’t really know how much she was making, but she lived alone and was comfortable. It was the first time I dated a financially independent woman. She even helped me with small business loans a few times. I always paid her back, sha.

She had to let go of her salon when we got married in 2023. Her family’s house is quite far from where we live, so it doesn’t make sense to travel all that distance for a salon. We haven’t been able to raise money to get a better salon close to us, so she’s been running home services after school and on the weekends.

Also, my wife’s child started living with us a year ago. It’s not easy to manage her work at the school and two children (we had a baby in 2024). Now imagine adding the stress of a salon and apprentices. It was easier when the eldest child was with Sola’s parents.

Do you mean your stepdaughter didn’t always live with you both?

No, she didn’t. She lived with her grandparents. Even when Sola and I were dating, the child didn’t live with her. I honestly thought we’d continue with that arrangement after marriage.

However, Sola’s mum had a stroke last year and couldn’t take care of the child anymore. I suggested sending her to stay with Sola’s sister, but Sola refused. It almost caused a big fight, but I had to let the issue go to let peace reign.

Why were you against the idea?

We never discussed the child living with us. It was like being forced into a financial responsibility I hadn’t prepared for. Imagine starting a marriage with children almost immediately. My expenses have doubled. I can’t drop money for food and say it’s only for one child na, abi?

The child also recently started school, and Sola begged me to contribute to the school fees. That was an extra ₦80k I hadn’t planned for. I can’t tell her to go and meet the child’s father because people will say, “Didn’t you know she was a single mother before you married her?” So, I have to accept that I’ll have to financially provide for the child one way or another, even if I don’t particularly like it.

It’s what Yorubas call “Abẹ́lẹ́jayan án”— someone who engages in an unprofitable venture. No matter how much I spend on the child, she’ll still wake up one day and go look for her real father.

That’s an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

I believe she knows the child isn’t my primary responsibility, so she doesn’t always come to me with her needs. It’s just when she needs help that she outrightly asks. And of course, as a woman, she knows how to get money from me when she really needs it. For instance, I can’t just ignore her complaints about the child being sick. I’ll have to step in if I have money.

How do you both run your home’s finances?

We don’t really discuss it; we just know what the other has to do to contribute to the expenses. I pay ₦450k in rent for our mini flat, pay for electricity, and drop ₦10k every week for food. If the food money isn’t enough, she adds money.

She also handles the children’s needs and small things around the house. Sometimes when I’m broke, Sola loans me money, and I pay her back when I make money. We know how to manage ourselves.

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

No. We don’t spend money on unnecessary things. If she sees something she likes and needs, she tells me, and if I have money, I’ll give it to her. If I don’t, we leave it. I’m not a birthday person like that, so I don’t need gifts. If she wants to make me happy, she knows she just needs to cook my favourite meal and let me rest.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I put ₦30k into a monthly ajo contribution, so I only need to add a little money to it and pay rent. Sola knows how to manage money, so whenever I have excess cash, I give it to her to keep for me. Most of the time, we still use whatever I keep with her to handle household needs or family emergencies.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I hope to be a major electronics supplier in the future. At least, if I make enough money to do business, we’ll be able to live a better life and enjoy good things. Sola is also always talking about building her own school someday. So, that’ll be good too.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I’m a Heavy Saver, but He’s an Impulse Spender

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

Saving doesn’t stop life from happening. When things come up, Carbon doesn’t force you to choose between progress and survival. Your locked savings keep growing, and you can use it as collateral to access a loan at just 3% interest. It’s saving, built different so you can move different. Create a savings plan here.

When did you first realise the importance of money?

I understood the concept of exchange before actually handling money. In primary school, I loved drawing cartoon characters like Ben 10 and Naruto, and I was good at it.

I drew these characters on pieces of paper torn from my notebook. My mum, who was a headmistress, wasn’t particularly impressed that I tore my notebooks to draw. So, as a workaround, I drew for classmates in exchange for extra sheets of paper. I was being paid, just not with money.

Watching how hard my mum worked also made me think about the importance of money.

Tell me more

My mum was a single mum of two. My dad died pretty early; I don’t even remember much about him. So, it was up to my mum to provide for us. We weren’t financially stable, but I knew my mum worked hard to keep food on the table. We couldn’t always afford nice things, but she did her best to ensure we had the basics.

What was the first thing you did to earn money?

Still my drawing and art talent. I went to a secondary school attended by rich kids, and one day, when I was in JSS 2, a classmate approached me. He’d heard I could draw and needed help with his assignment. He paid me ₦200, which was enough for two doughnuts and a bottle of Coke. It was good money.

After that, I had a relatively steady stream of people paying me at least ₦150 to do their assignments. I stopped in JSS 3 when a teacher noticed my drawing style in other students’ assignments and warned me not to do it anymore.

I didn’t do anything else for money until uni. I entered uni in 2017 and was on a ₦10k/month allowance from my mum, which only covered food and transport, nothing extra. Even then, ₦10k didn’t last me until the end of the month. In the second semester, my uncle gave me a laptop, and I decided to learn design.

How did you go about this?

I knew a graphic designer from church, and with my mum’s consent, I spent my semester break learning CorelDRAW at his studio. It helped me learn how to digitally recreate the images I drew on paper. I also assisted the graphic designer with t-shirt prints, banner designs and the like.

I learnt from him for two months until school resumed. In school, I kept designing and started posting my work on my WhatsApp status. Then a friend reached out one day, asking if I designed logos. I said “yes,” and she introduced me to a client.

I can’t forget that logo. It was for a finance-based business, and the logo featured a house with a chimney. Now that I think about it, we don’t have chimneys in Nigeria, so that was completely unnecessary.

I’m screaming. How much did you make from that first gig?

₦2500. It was the biggest amount I could think of. Subsequently, I started receiving logo requests from fellow students who ran small businesses. I didn’t have a flat rate. Students don’t have money, and no one would’ve paid ₦2500.

So, I charged students between ₦1k and ₦1500 for logos and banners. Most of the time, I was only making an extra ₦3k or ₦4k a month, but it felt nice to add that to my pocket money.

This went on until COVID came. While people complained about being bored, all I did was eat, sleep and watch design tutorials. I was designing every single day. Before the school shutdown, I’d begun moving with a student club of developers and tech guys. I could tell these guys had more money than the average student, and I figured I could be like that if I improved my craft. The lockdown gave me the opportunity to fine-tune my skills.

Some time after the lockdown was lifted, I posted a test project I’d designed on Twitter. A marketing agency reached out to me and told me they liked my work. Then, they asked if I was open to a full-time role.

That’s how they offered me a job with a ₦60k/month salary. I was so excited that I called my mum immediately. Unfortunately, my excitement was short-lived.

Uh oh. What happened?

They fired me after three months. I had a difficult time transitioning from freelancing to paid employment. I’m a perfectionist, and I take time because I need everything to look good. However, companies have deadlines, and after I delayed a few tasks, the agency ghosted me. They didn’t even give me clear communication; they just stopped paying my salary and didn’t respond to my questions. I got the message.

I was sad because I liked the job, but the experience helped me realise I wasn’t as good as I thought. There had been callbacks on a number of my designs, and it was pretty clear I still had some learning to do.

I lost the job in December 2020, and around the same time, a friend introduced me to someone who had opened a co-working space. The founder told me he needed a designer to create marketing materials, but didn’t have the money to pay. However, I would get free access to the co-working space (plus the WiFi) as long as I worked with him.

Did you accept?

I did. It would give me the opportunity to work on my craft and potentially meet new people. This arrangement lasted two years, and during that time, the founder referred me to multiple clients. So, it was a win-win.

Beyond the referrals, I was getting gigs from various sources. One time, I worked with a guy who had Fiverr and Upwork accounts and would outsource gigs to me. In 2021, I got my first foreign client on Twitter, who paid me $82 for a couple of gigs. He returned a few more times.

Throughout 2021, my monthly income from design ranged between ₦30k – ₦90k. It wasn’t stable, but I earned something every month.

2022 came with an eight-month ASUU strike and new opportunities. I landed a four-month internship at a design agency and participated in branding projects and training classes. They paid me a ₦100k/month stipend.

The experience and exposure I got from the internship gave me the morale to return to the founder of the co-working space to tell him I needed to start getting paid.

Get it! What did he say?

He couldn’t create a budget for me at the workspace, so he transferred me to a fintech company that he was a part of. There, I got hired as a brand and product designer. My salary started at ₦80k/month, then jumped to ₦120k after the three-month probation. This was in 2023.

I was in 400 level at this point, juggling the fintech job, actively freelancing and taking occasional gigs from the design agency I interned at. The least amount I earned in a month was my ₦120k salary. With my other hustles, I was comfortably netting ₦200k – ₦500k in some months.

Not bad for a student. What were your spending habits like?

Besides spending on the basic necessities, I was saving to buy a MacBook. In the design community, that laptop is like a badge of honour. It took me a full year to save over ₦1m to buy it.

In 2024, I left the fintech because I was juggling bigger things — Fiverr. I had opened an account in January because a friend was opening his, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to join him. That turned out to be the best decision I’ve made for my freelance journey.

I made $120 in the first month I joined Fiverr. By March, Fiverr and a few other freelance projects brought me ₦1.5m. The subsequent months were at least ₦700k. I also got another full-time role at a creative agency at some point in the year. They paid me ₦200k/month.

So, I was earning from two full-time jobs and a profitable freelance hustle. To put it simply, I was balling.

Love to see it

The extra income made it easy for me to start thinking about investments. I began thinking of a future where I could afford not to work, and I knew investments could get me there. So, I started sending any spare cash to a real estate plan on an investment app.

After leaving the fintech in November 2024, I took another part-time job with a returning UK-based client. He paid me $1000/month to work 40 hours a week. So, again, I was working two jobs and managing my freelancing business.

Wasn’t that a lot to juggle? Also, you haven’t mentioned school in a while.

See, greed is a very fascinating thing. I tried not to take on heavy freelance gigs, but I was still practically doing three different things at once. Who says no to money?

As for school, I dropped out in my final year. I wasn’t doing very well, and the course wasn’t what I wanted to do. I even got an extra year. I just couldn’t engage with school anymore, so I finally quit in 2025.

I’m curious, how did your mum react to that?

I kept it from her until I couldn’t anymore. My answers to her “What’s happening at school?” got sloppier, and I had to come clean. My mum doesn’t cry. I can count the number of times I’ve seen her cry. But the day I told her I dropped out, she completely broke down.

The thing is, my mum is an academic. She believes you need to go to school to get a good job and have a good life. She couldn’t believe I’d make such a decision after all her sacrifices. The issue shook our relationship, and it’s still shaky to this day. She doesn’t talk to me much anymore. I try to call her, but our conversations are always awkward.

Do you think it was worth it to drop out so close to the finish line, though?

I don’t think staying around would’ve changed anything. I never cared for classes, and even as a final-year student, I still couldn’t answer basic questions about my course.

Besides, people around me were graduating and doing totally different things. You’d see someone who graduated with a nursing degree working as a product manager. Life isn’t black and white. If I can’t give my time to school, I might as well give it to design and build a stronger career.

It also helped that I was doing really well financially. I left the creative agency in 2025 to focus on the UK job and Fiverr. My monthly income was around $2000, which is almost ₦3m in naira. I was financially responsible for myself. I moved into a new apartment, set up a small workstation, bought an inverter to solve power issues and Starlink to avoid network wahala. The whole thing cost me about ₦3m, but it was definitely worth it for my productivity.

What does your monthly income look like these days?

I’m still at the $2k mark, but this is entirely from the UK job (I got a raise in 2024). My Fiverr account was blocked in October, I suspect, due to a bad review left by a client. I haven’t been able to gain access since then.

The experience has driven me to put more effort into growing my personal brand, in case I lose another source of income. I still get occasional freelance gigs, but it’s not at the same level as I had with Fiverr.

In addition to building my personal brand, I’m very intentional about my investments. I live on 25% – 30% of my income; the rest goes into investments. A short-term goal I have, which I call my 401 (k), is to get to the point where my investments pay me at least ₦1m every month.

The investment app I use has a feature that gives users 25% of their total investment monthly if they have more than ₦5m in their accounts. I estimate I’ll need ₦40m in the account to get ₦1m monthly, and I plan to get there in 5 years.

My long-term goal is to save up to $1m or at least ₦1bn. If I invest that in different channels and earn around $15k monthly, I’ll never need to work again.

Those are big dreams. Let’s talk about the life your income affords you right now

The life I live doesn’t match my income at all. I’m very frugal. Last year, I earned ₦40m in income and ₦2m in investment dividends. Yet, I live in a tiny self-contained apartment. I’m a big believer in staying as small as possible for as long as possible.

I spend 30% of my income now, and that’s only because of the new tax laws. I don’t want the government taxing me too much, so I registered an LLC early this year and now “pay” myself a ₦600k monthly salary. The rest of the money stays in investments. Even from that ₦600k, my usual monthly expense is just about ₦350k. The rest still goes to investments and other minor expenses. I live way below my means. I have a budget for everything.

Walk me through what your monthly budget looks like

How about your investment portfolio?

I have ₦1.2m in my emergency fund. I started investing in stocks in 2025, and currently have ₦8.6m there. Then another ₦20.4m in my real estate investment account — that’s the one I’m trying to raise to ₦40m.

I also have another ₦360k in a separate account specifically for taxes. I calculate tax for whatever I earn and send it there, so I’m not surprised when the government starts asking for it. In total, my net worth is around ₦35m, which is still very far from ₦1bn.

How would you describe your relationship with money?

I’m very diligent with money. I’m diligent about how I make it, and for the past year, I’ve been diligent about paying myself first by investing in my future goals. One thing I’m still trying to learn is staying with my budget.

Sometimes, my actual monthly expenses reach ₦450k. Clearly, I still have some work to do with watching out for the small things that balloon into big expenses. Buying more protein shakes at the gym or spending a bit more on transport once or twice don’t sound like much, but those things that add up.

Is there an ideal amount of money you think you should be earning?

For my perfect life, my dream income is $15k/month. However, I’m really happy with where I am. It’s a lot more than most people get. So I’m not complaining. I want more, as most people do, but I am also content. I’m not overspending, and I’m going slowly. Slow is good. Slow is fine.

Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?

Maybe a relationship. I can afford it, to be honest, but I know love can be financial. I’m too frugal to spend on dates or anything like that right now.

How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

9. I earn enough to create artificial scarcity. I earn almost ₦3m monthly but choose to live on just ₦600k. That’s an interesting place to be.

Curious, do you sometimes wish you’d completed school?

I have no regrets. Of course, there’s the issue of the certificate, but I’m open to the idea of having my own business one day, and I can always go to business school.

If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.

Yes, I want to do a Naira Life!

Find all the past Naira Life stories here.

The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

Timilehin* (30) left Nigeria for the US with just a desire for better opportunities and no long-term plan. In this story, he shares how trading cryptocurrencies gave him the funds for his trip and how he ended up in the US Navy.

*This model is AI-generated and not affiliated with the story in any way*

Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

Currently, I live in Atlanta in the United States. I left Nigeria in 2021.

What inspired you to leave?

A friend I went to school with inspired me, and two other things served as a trigger, or push, if you would. While we were in school, my friend always said we should find a way to leave Nigeria so we could do our master’s abroad. It stuck with me.

After we graduated, we couldn’t make that wish a reality because we couldn’t afford it and weren’t doing much. I personally couldn’t get help from the family front because we didn’t have the money: My dad was a teacher, so going to school on his salary had been a struggle. I did all sorts of jobs to make some cash, including satellite TV installations, which I took on during my National Youth Service (NYSC) year.

All the while, the idea of going abroad for my master’s had stuck with me. But the trigger for leaving was the astonishing lack of opportunities. Even as a graduate, most of us couldn’t secure jobs with our certificates. The EndSARS protests capped it all off. Seeing the government kill so many young people and deny it, made us want to get out. So when we got the opportunity to do our master’s in the US, we took it. I wasn’t married and had no children or strong attachments other than my immediate family, so it was not a difficult decision.

How did you afford the move?

Around 2018 to 2019, crypto started blowing up. Some friends and I got into cryptocurrency, buying and selling Bitcoin and doing Non-fungible Tokens (NFTs). We started getting a little money, and it was that money we used to process our exams like the Graduate Record Examination (GRE), pay application fees, and fund the move abroad.

The money was really useful because, for an average Nigerian, it can be difficult to afford application fees, which can be in the hundreds of dollars. For someone struggling to eat, it’s a lot to spend on what is basically trial and error, because the schools you apply to may not admit you.

What was it like when you arrived in the US?

It wasn’t the smoothest experience. I had to spend my first days in a hotel, and it was so expensive; I was worried I was going to end up spending all the money I’d come with. Also, there were a lot of culture shocks.

What were some of these shocks?

First was the food, which was very different from what I was used to in Nigeria. They also have too many options, making it difficult to figure out their food.

Let’s say you try to get a burger. You would expect it to be straightforward. But you’ll say you want a burger and they’ll ask you something like if you want cheese. Okay, you tell them to add the cheese, then they’ll ask you what type. I didn’t even know there were different types of cheese back then. It just goes on like that, answering so many questions before you get your food.

Another thing is just how large the US is. It feels like most places are not close by. Everything is at least thirty minutes from where you are. Having a car is not a luxury; it’s just a necessity if you want to get anywhere. I got a bicycle that I used to ride around. But I guess I got too comfortable, and I wouldn’t lock it when I left it outside. One time, I travelled, and when I came back, it had been stolen. I found it surprising because it wasn’t even an expensive one. It cost about $70, so I didn’t expect it to be stolen.

Another shock was the school culture. All the professors are completely fine with you calling them by just their first names.

Then there’s the attitude towards hosting. In Nigeria, when a birthday celebrant invites people to a restaurant, they’ll handle the bill, but here, everyone is expected to pay for themselves.

What was the settling-in process like socially?

I don’t go out a lot. I didn’t have much of a social life even in Nigeria, so I have little to compare it with. But in my daily interactions with Americans, I found that most of them think I am Black American when they first meet me, until I tell them I’m Nigerian. They find it difficult to pronounce my name, so I just tell them my name is Tim or Timmy. That’s easier for them.

How did you find education in the US compared to Nigeria?

The volume of assignments is a lot. You might do only three courses, but the amount of work, presentations, and assignments is massive. It is harder than in Nigeria, but eventually, I figured it out.

What is your support system like in the US?

I don’t really miss Nigeria in terms of friendships or my support system because most of my friends are here. My brother is here too. He joined me a year after I arrived in 2022. I also came along with many of my friends, and many of my classmates from the university in Nigeria are here now. I have almost all my support system here—people I’ve known for about twelve years now. The only person I have left in Nigeria who would make me come around to visit is my mum.

Zikoko’s HERtitude is back this April 2026. Grab your tickets here.

Have you visited Nigeria since you left?

No, I haven’t been back. I intend to go, but I haven’t found the time with the way my work is structured. Some of my friends intend to go for two months, but I feel I’d probably stay only for a week or two if I go, and then it feels like a waste of money for such a short trip.

Do you see the US as a long-term plan, or do you intend to return to Nigeria?

I am very conflicted about that. I want to go back, but then I see what is happening in Nigeria, and I am discouraged. You see the reports online of things like kidnappings or trucks falling on people. These people didn’t even do anything wrong. It’s just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There’s nothing they could have done differently that would have taken them out of that scenario.

So it makes me think: “Do I want to just leave my life to chance in a place where the chances are not good?” It feels like in Nigeria, everything is just set up to go the wrong way. I’m hesitant to leave the US, which has a system that works, for one that doesn’t work. But I’m not ruling out the possibility of a return.

Do you like the city you live in?

Yes. Atlanta is actually my favourite city. There is a large Black community here. I’ve briefly stayed in Houston, which feels exactly like you are in Nigeria because of the weather and the amount of Nigerian food, but Atlanta is a perfect blend of Nigeria and America. My least favourite was Chicago because it is extremely cold. That’s where I did my training for the Navy, and learning to swim in the Chicago cold was one of my worst experiences here.

You’re in the US Navy?

Yes. I joined the Navy last year. The process was fun at times, but also a little depressing. I didn’t know how to swim very well when I joined. I struggled to learn how to swim in the cold, which is why I said I don’t like Chicago. At the end of the day, I survived and passed.

What made you choose to join the Navy?

Well, it’s not like how it is in Nigeria. Here, joining the military is very encouraged; you get lots of benefits like tuition waivers and free education for your children. You can also get access to no-interest loans. And, if you are not a citizen, you become eligible for citizenship.

My brother joined the US Army first. But I chose the Navy because I saw it as slightly less physical than the Army.

Interesting. So you’re a US citizen now?

Yes, I am.

Did you have any longer-term plans when you left Nigeria for the US?

No, I didn’t really have a plan. It was just a case of getting in and figuring out how to go about it once I arrived. We got here and then looked for opportunities to change our status. But now, career-wise, I hope to just keep growing and hopefully, down the line, run a business that’ll allow me to retire.

There has been a lot of anti-immigrant talk in the US recently. Does that make you uncomfortable?

Not really. People have a right to vote, and they voted for whoever is in power. Nothing happening right now is a surprise because this was basically the manifesto of the current administration. It’s what they campaigned on. I am not affected because I am already a citizen. But I’ll just say that we are getting what was voted for.

Have you felt discriminated against due to your race or nationality?

I’ll give you a recent example. I was bringing up my new 75-inch TV in the elevator, and a white man came in. He saw me with the TV and asked why I was delivering it there. He thought I was the delivery man.

Things like that happen a lot. When people here see a Black person in certain situations, they make silly assumptions like that. If they see you in an expensive car, they might assume you’re just the driver.

I told the man the TV was mine and I didn’t let it affect me personally, but I see how it could be disappointing for others who experience things like that.

What has been your worst experience in the US?

My worst experience was in Chicago when I was struggling to pass my swim qualification for the Navy. Others had graduated, and I was left behind, feeling stuck. It made me start wondering why I even came.

Other than that, the US has provided me with opportunities I never would have thought of. It is a level playing ground. The son of nobody can become somebody here.

What has been your best experience?

I’ve had some really good ones. Graduating from school, getting a job, and becoming a US citizen have been really good experiences. Generally, it’s a really great feeling doing so well for myself and seeing that all my friends are doing well too.

On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in the US?

I’ll say nine out of ten. I’m not saying ten because nothing is ever perfect.

Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).

Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

Marilyn Madlion began writing at the age of seven and published her first book at just fifteen. Today, the 21-year-old Nigerian storyteller and author is steadily emerging as one of the most exciting young voices in the country’s growing digital storytelling space.

The rise of Marilyn Madlion first gained momentum through a 75-day storytelling challenge where she documented her journey as a writer and creative online. One moment that resonated deeply with her audience was a story about giving two chapters of her new book to a mentor who did not believe in God, an act that unexpectedly sparked curiosity and conversation about faith.

Her audience grew exponentially when Marilyn Madlion shared a video about reaching out to 1,000 brands in hopes she could tell stories for them. The bold idea struck a chord with creators and brands alike, and within five months, she had gained more than 23,000 new followers across her platforms.

After posting consistently for 75 days and completing the challenge, Marilyn Madlion began receiving recognition from notable voices in the creator space, including Salem King, the globally known content creator and speaker.

Rather than slowing down after the milestone, Marilyn leaned further into the momentum. Immediately after completing the challenge, Marilyn Madlion committed to an even bigger goal: 362 days of consecutive storytelling content, continuing to share insights on writing, creativity, and the discipline behind building a storytelling career online.

Her work sits at the intersection of personal development, creator education, and literature. This blend of storytelling and practical insight recently earned Marilyn Madlion recognition from Essence, which featured her on its list of “Black Women Creators Who Should Be on Your Radar.”

From the very first day of her storytelling series, Marilyn Madlion has been clear about her mission: to help her listeners become storytellers and authors themselves. Through daily lessons drawn from her own creative journey, she continues to inspire aspiring writers and content creators to share their stories with confidence.

Having grown up in Kaduna and Abuja before moving to Canada to study journalism, Marilyn Madlion draws from both her Nigerian roots and her diaspora experience. Her stories connect across cultures and geographies, using real-life moments to heal, educate, and inspire through relatability.

As her storytelling journey continues to unfold, Marilyn Madlion is quickly becoming one of the most recognizable young voices in Nigeria’s emerging storytelling and creator economy, inspiring a new generation of writers and digital storytellers.

GridLocked is a daily pop culture guessing game built for Nigerians. Every weekday by 9am, you’ll get six clues, sixty seconds, and an answer only a Nigerian would know.

Today’s GridLocked is an album.

How many clues do you need to get it right? 👀

Share your result when done, but don’t spoil the answer for others. (Missed yesterday’s GridLocked? Play it here.)

12 March 2026

Come back every weekday by 9am for a new grid or subscribe to Z Daily, Zikoko’s daily newsletter, to get new GridLocked puzzles, real Nigerian stories and other fun content in your inbox.

How to Play GridLocked

The Goal: Guess the answer for the day before time runs out. (The answer could be a Nigerian person, place, song, movie, or even slang.)
The Lock: You cannot type a guess until you have revealed at least one tile (clue).
The Reveal: Tap any tile to reveal a clue. Every clue describes the answer for the day. The fewer tiles you flip, the better.
The Clock: You have 60 seconds to guess right. The timer starts the moment you flip your first tile. (You get multiple guesses.)

The GridLocked Squares: What Do They Mean?

When the game ends, you see your guess count, total time spent, and the number of tiles flipped. The tiles are shown as white and purple squares.

⬜ (White) = A tile you flipped
🟪 (Purple) = A tile you left closed

The fewer white tiles you have, the better your result.

Best Result = ⬜🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 | Guesses: 1 (Only needed one clue and one guess to get it right)

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Sunkanmi* (27) and Ife* (25) met in 2024 at a hospital in Lagos.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a hallway conversation turned into a business partnership and a relationship, why mixing professional massage sessions with personal attraction created tension, and how boundary issues with clients threatened everything they’ve built together.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Sunkanmi: I met Ife at a hospital in 2024. I work in the physiotherapy department there. I noticed when she came in with an older woman one afternoon. A colleague handled their case, but from across the room, I immediately liked her. She looked pretty and exactly like my spec.

I watched from a distance, trying to find a way to talk to her without making it obvious or coming across as unprofessional.

They needed directions to another part of the hospital, and someone was already explaining how to get there. But I saw my chance and jumped in. I said I was heading that way and could show them the route. It wasn’t entirely true, but I wanted to talk to her, so I made it work.

Ife: I remember that day clearly. I was there with a family friend — an older woman whose children had relocated abroad. I’m a masseuse, and I used to give her body massages. She’d been complaining about severe knee pain, so I brought her to the hospital to get it properly checked out.

When Sunkanmi offered to show us the way, I didn’t think much of it. I was just happy someone could help because we were a bit lost.

Right. What happened during that walk?

Sunkanmi: I tried to get to know her a bit. I asked questions and made conversation. That’s when I found out the woman wasn’t her mother but a family friend. I also learned she was a masseuse, which I found interesting. When we got to where they were going, I asked for her number. While I didn’t want to come across as forward or aggressive, I also didn’t want to let the opportunity pass.

Ife: I gave it to him. I didn’t want to seem rude since he’d been nice enough to help us. But I also wasn’t expecting much from it. From my perspective, it was just a polite exchange.

Did you reach out immediately, Sunkanmi?

Sunkanmi: No, I didn’t. I didn’t reach out for weeks. Another lady I had been talking to at the time started paying me more attention, and I got distracted. Ife kind of fell to the back of my mind.

Ife: , I’d also forgotten about him. Weeks had passed, and I’d moved on with my life. So when he eventually reached out, it was a surprise.

When did he reach out?

Ife: I can’t even remember if a month or two had passed. But one random afternoon, I posted a session from a client’s massage on my Instagram story, and Sunkanmi replied. He seemed genuinely interested in what I do as a masseuse. He asked questions about my process, my techniques, how long I’d been doing it, and what kind of clients I typically work with. The conversation flowed naturally, and then he asked if he could book a session. I didn’t immediately connect him to the guy from the hospital weeks ago until he reminded me. Then it clicked.

Sunkanmi: I work in physiotherapy, so wellness and body care are something I understand and appreciate. But I’ll admit, I also wanted an excuse to see her again and spend time with her. Booking a massage session seemed like the perfect way to do that.

Ife: I was a bit cautious, to be honest. When a client, especially a male client you don’t know very well, requests home service instead of a neutral location, you have to be careful. You never know what their intentions are. But I’ve developed my own ways of protecting myself in those situations. I let trusted people know where I’m going and when I should be back. I keep my phone on me at all times. I share my location. I trust my instincts, and if something feels off at any point, I leave immediately, no questions asked.

Sunkanmi seemed harmless enough from our interactions, and I needed the business, so I agreed to go.

Right. What was that first session like?

Ife: It was professional. I came, did my work, and left. He was respectful throughout. We talked a bit during the session, but it was mostly small talk. Nothing particularly deep or personal.

Sunkanmi: That first session confirmed what I’d already suspected. Ife is very good at what she does. She’s professional, she knows her craft, and she takes it seriously. I respected that. But I also enjoyed being around her. So I booked another session. And then another. That’s how we started getting close.

At what point did things move from being just professional?

Sunkanmi: By the fourth or fifth session, there was definitely a shift in the dynamic between us. We’d been talking more between sessions, texting back and forth about things that had nothing to do with massage or physiotherapy. We were sharing things about our lives, our backgrounds, our families, and what we wanted for our futures. During the sessions, we’d have deeper conversations rather than just the usual small talk. I’d already started having feelings for her at that point, and I could sense there was something on her side, too. There was a tension in the room during those sessions that wasn’t there before. A kind of awareness of each other that went beyond professional.

Ife: I noticed it too. I was single at the time and starting to see Sunkanmi as more than just a client. But I was also trying to keep things professional because that’s how I operate.

Sunkanmi: I’ve always toyed with the idea of running a wellness centre. It’s been a dream for a while. And I loved how professional Ife was about her work. I’ve always wanted a woman who shared my dreams and my vision, so it was easy for my attention to shift fully to her. The other situation I’d been in just faded out.

I see. So when did things become official between you?

Ife: We had sex before we made things official. It happened naturally one evening after a session. The tension, which had been building for weeks, reached a point where neither of us could hold back anymore. After that, we talked about what we wanted, and we decided to make it official. That was in July 2024.

Sunkanmi: By then, I knew I wanted to be with her. We’d already started talking about the idea of working together to build something in the wellness space. It made sense to make the relationship official and see where we could take things personally and professionally.

Sweet. Tell me about the early days of your relationship.

Sunkanmi: The first year was really good. We did a lot of things together. We travelled when we could afford it, went out to nice restaurants, and spent quality time together outside of work. Beyond just the relationship, we also started building something professionally that excited both of us. We began running a side hustle as wellness experts. I handled the medical side of things, using my training and experience to advise clients on recovery, muscle care, posture correction, and more. And Ife handled the massages and body care, the hands-on therapeutic work. We were making good money, building a client base, and it felt like we were creating something sustainable together. It was working really well.

Ife: We were on the same page about everything. The business was growing, clients were coming in, and we were making money doing something we both cared about. It felt like we’d found the perfect balance between love and work. But things changed eventually.

What happened?

Ife: We started having issues. I noticed that Sunkanmi doesn’t draw boundaries with female clients the way I think he should. I don’t mean just being friendly or maintaining good customer service; he’d text them late at night or entertain conversations that had nothing to do with business or bookings. He was overly accommodating in ways that made me uncomfortable. I brought it up multiple times, tried to explain why it bothered me, but he kept waving it off. He’d say he was just building his client base and maintaining relationships, that this is how you make sure clients come back.

Sunkanmi: I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. In business, especially in the wellness and service industry, you have to be available for your clients. You have to make them feel valued and cared for. That’s how you build loyalty. That’s how you get repeat customers and referrals.

I was responding to messages when they came in, being friendly and personable, making sure they felt comfortable reaching out to us and booking with us again. That’s just good customer service in my mind. I wasn’t trying to be inappropriate or cross any lines. I genuinely thought I was just doing what was necessary to grow our business.

Hmmm.

Ife: The breaking point was toward the end of 2025. A couple booked Sunkanmi for a weekend staycation. Just him, not both of us, which was already unusual. I’d had reservations about this couple because they always had weird requests. Things that didn’t sit right with me. Requests that seemed to push the boundaries of what a normal massage or wellness session should look like. But Sunkanmi took the job because the pay was really good. He said it was too much money to turn down, and we needed it for the business.

That entire weekend, he was unreachable. I tried calling, I tried texting, nothing. He’d go hours without responding, and when he did, it was short and dismissive. I was worried, frustrated, and honestly, suspicious. By the time he came back, I was convinced something had happened.

Sunkanmi: It was an intense weekend. The couple had booked me for multiple sessions throughout the day, and in between, I rested or prepared for the next session. I wasn’t on my phone much because I was focused on the job. When I finally checked my phone and saw all her messages, I knew she was upset. But I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong.

Did you confront him, Ife?

Ife: As soon as he got back. I told him I didn’t trust what had happened that weekend. I told him I thought something inappropriate had happened and that I needed him to be honest with me. He got defensive immediately and said I was accusing him of infidelity, and worse, accusing him of doing things with a man, which he found insulting.

Sunkanmi: The fact that she immediately jumped to infidelity, and specifically to something involving the husband, felt like she didn’t trust me at all.

How did you guys resolve the fight?

Ife: It took time, and it wasn’t easy. We had to sit down multiple times and have very difficult conversations about trust and boundaries. I explained to him that my concerns weren’t just about that one weekend, even if it brought everything to a head. The lack of boundaries with female clients, the overfamiliarity, the late-night texting, and the way he handled certain situations made me uncomfortable.

Sunkanmi: At first, I was too defensive to hear her properly. But once I calmed down, I started to understand where she was coming from. She had legitimate concerns about how I was conducting myself with clients. I needed to take those concerns seriously.

HERtitude is turning 5 this April 2026, and it would be such a shame if you missed out on all the fun. Make sure to secure your tickets here.

Right. Has that issue caused any more problems in your relationship?

Ife: Things have changed in how we operate. I’m now more in charge of booking clients and vetting them thoroughly before we accept any jobs. If I suspect any foul play or if something doesn’t sit right with me about a particular client or booking, I cancel it. I don’t care how much money they’re offering to pay us.

Sunkanmi doesn’t always like it when I turn down good money, but he respects my decision because he knows why we’re in this position in the first place.

Sunkanmi: It bothers me that she feels like she has to monitor the bookings and vet every client before I interact with them. But I also understand her concerns. So I’m trying to be patient and work through it with her.

Curious, Sunkanmi. How exactly are you working through it?

Sunkanmi: I’ve had to learn what appropriate boundaries actually look like with clients, especially female clients. I don’t respond to messages late at night anymore unless it’s a genuine emergency that can’t wait. I don’t entertain conversations that aren’t directly related to the service we’re providing or the booking they’re making. I keep things professional and focused. It’s been an adjustment for me because I’m naturally a friendly person, but I know it’s necessary if I want this relationship with Ife to work.

Ife: I can see that he’s making a genuine effort to change his behaviour and rebuild my trust. It’s not perfect, and there are still moments when my anxiety kicks in, and I worry about what’s happening when I’m not there. That said, we’re moving in the right direction, and I can feel the difference.

Do you still enjoy working together, or has the tension in the relationship affected the business?

Ife: We’ve turned down some lucrative opportunities because I didn’t feel comfortable with them, and that’s cost us money. But I’d rather lose money than lose the relationship. The business is important, but it’s not more important than our trust and our peace of mind.

Sunkanmi: I still enjoy working with her. We complement each other well professionally. She brings skills and expertise that I don’t have, and vice versa. If anything, it’s made me realise how important it is that we’re aligned on how we run the business and how we treat our clients.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Sunkanmi: I value Ife a lot. She’s intelligent, hardworking, and dedicated to her craft. She challenges me to be better, both in business and in life. She doesn’t let me get away with things, and even though that can be frustrating sometimes, I know it’s because she cares. She wants us to succeed together, and she’s not willing to compromise on her standards. I respect that about her.

Ife: Sunkanmi is ambitious. He has a vision for what he wants to build, and he’s willing to work for it. That’s something I admire. He’s also able to overlook some of my flaws and my moments of insecurity. He doesn’t hold grudges, and he’s willing to have difficult conversations even when they’re uncomfortable. That’s not easy to find in a partner.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Sunkanmi: I’d give it a 7. We’re not where I want us to be yet, but we’re working toward it.

Ife: I’d also say 7. It’s not perfect, and we’ve been through some difficult moments. But I’m still here, and he’s still here. We’re both committed to making this work.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

Fred* (31) has been getting to know Sandra*, but her close friendship with a male best friend stands between them. In this story, he shares how he’s navigating his feelings, the insecurities that come up, and why he’s unsure whether pursuing a relationship with her is worth the emotional risk.

I met Sandra* (29, F) in church this January. She sat a row ahead, and I couldn’t help noticing how beautiful she looked. After the service, I worked up the courage to approach her and ask for her number, which she gave me.

From there, we started talking. We’d text every few days and video call regularly. She was always very attentive. I hadn’t connected with anyone like that in a while, so I was excited to see where things could go. About two weeks later, I asked her out on a date.

The first date went really well. Spending time with Sandra in person only made me like her more. She ran her own business and seemed very driven. She was also kind, intelligent, and ticked most of the boxes I look for in a partner.

After the date, I offered to drop her off since I had driven there. I even suggested ordering an Uber if she preferred. But she declined, saying she had already asked John*, her close friend, to pick her up. She’d mentioned him a few times, but that was when he became an issue.

I stayed with her while she waited. When John eventually arrived, I took my time to observe him. He drove a GLE, was quite good-looking, and appeared to be well off. I won’t lie, seeing him made me a bit self-conscious. I began to wonder if I measured up with my Honda Toyota and average looks.

After that night, I started noticing how often Sandra mentioned him. Whenever we spoke, and I asked about her day, John often came up. It was either that she had met him that day or that she was referring to something he had done for her.

To be fair, she never tried to hide the details of their friendship. Still, I’m not entirely comfortable with very close male-female friendships, especially with someone I plan to build a serious relationship with.

By the time we went on our second date, their friendship weighed heavily on my mind. My friends suggested that I talk to her about it, but I didn’t want to sound insecure. So, I brought it up lightly and jokingly asked what would happen with John if we eventually started dating.

Sandra’s reaction surprised me. She became quite defensive and said that any relationship that tried to come between her and John’s friendship would simply not work.

I apologised and dropped the subject. Later on, she explained more about their history. They used to be coworkers, and she said he helped her a lot when she was starting out in her career. According to her, he supported her growth and was one of the biggest reasons she eventually started her own business.

She also made it clear that if she and John had ever wanted to date, they would have done that already. She insisted there was nothing romantic between them and said I should trust that. At the same time, she was equally clear that nothing would ever come between their friendship.

I accepted what she said, but the situation still sits at the back of my mind. We’ve been on about four dates now, and John still comes up frequently.

The truth is that I really like Sandra. I can see real potential with her, and I would love to ask her to be my girlfriend. The only thing holding me back is her situation with John.

I’ve been in a relationship before where a partner cheated on me with someone she insisted was “just a friend”. Because of that experience, I can’t tell if my concerns now are reasonable or if my past is affecting how I see their relationship.

I’m stuck, wondering if I should trust what she’s saying and move forward with her, or if this is something I should take as a warning sign and walk away from before it’s too late.

Got a story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.

Nigerian mothers have a reputation for sensing trouble before it even happens. They’ll suddenly tell you not to go somewhere, warn you about a person they’ve never met, or wake up from a strange dream and start praying for you. Most of the time, it feels like typical protective, dramatic mum behaviour. But sometimes, those instincts turn out to be incredibly accurate.

We spoke to 7 Nigerians who believe their mothers’ instincts saved them from bad luck, danger, or heartbreak. Their stories are proof that sometimes, it might be worth listening when a Nigerian mum pulls a warning from thin air.

“Obeying my mum’s instruction saved me from cultists” — Joshua*, M, 26

Joshua recounts how his mum’s quiet warning one Friday morning before school saved him from a world of hurt.

‘When I was in SS3, I loved playing football after school. On Fridays especially, I rarely went home once school was over. Instead, I hung back with friends and played football till I was completely exhausted. It became a routine and something that I looked forward to every weekend.

One Friday morning, my mum called me aside as I was preparing for school. She asked me not to stay back to play football that day and to come home immediately after school.

At first, I didn’t take her words seriously. It wasn’t her first time complaining about my love for football after classes. But that day, I couldn’t shake her tone. It had a strong sense of urgency, as if she could tell that something wasn’t right.

That evening, I was tempted to stay back, but I changed my mind and heeded my mum’s instructions at the last minute. The next Monday, I found out what I had narrowly escaped. A serious clash between notorious cultists had broken out along the same route I usually took home after playing football.

Someone was fatally injured while others nursed serious injuries. The police arrested everyone who passed that route that evening as suspects.

I couldn’t stop shaking when I heard this. I had also just turned 18, and looked mature for my age. The police could have easily mistaken me for one of the participants. Worse, I could have been harmed in the clash.

Looking back, I’m convinced my mum’s warning saved me from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. ”

“She insisted I go to the hospital even though I felt fine” — Halima, 28, F*

Halima says her mum’s persistence helped her catch a health issue before it became serious.

“In 2022, I complained for weeks about mild chest discomfort, but I kept brushing it off as allergies or stress from work. My mum kept telling me to go to the hospital, but I didn’t think it was serious.

One evening, she called me and said she had been thinking about me all day and that I should please see a doctor. I laughed and told her I was fine, but she refused to let it go. She kept saying, ‘Just go and check so my mind can be at rest.’

Eventually, I gave in and finally went to the hospital the next day.

After a few tests, the doctor told me I had pneumonia that could have become much worse if I had waited longer. When I told my mum, she said she knew deep in her spirit that something was wrong. I’m glad I didn’t put it off until things got worse.”

“I narrowly missed getting caught up in a robbery” — Bola*, 19, M

Bola listened to his mum after she warned him not to leave the house. But that simple warning saved his life.

“One Saturday morning in 2021, I planned to visit a friend and pick up a textbook for an assignment we’d been given the previous Friday. I was all set to leave when my mother stopped me. She said something didn’t feel right and warned me not to leave the house that day.

I wasn’t happy about it at all. The textbook was important, and I couldn’t understand why she suddenly wanted me to stay back. I obeyed, but I sulked about it.

An hour later, everything changed. Gunshots rang out, and the entire neighbourhood fell into chaos as people ran and screamed. An armed robbery was happening right outside our house. We quickly shut our doors and stayed inside.

As we secured the house, I got the terrifying realisation that I would have been out there if I had ignored my mum. The robbery lasted four hours; there was no way I wouldn’t have gotten caught in the chaos on my way home.

Sometimes, a mother just knows.”

“She saved me from unnecessary heartbreak” — Anneth*, 35, F

Anneth believes her mum’s timely dream saved her from a hurtful romance.

“I met a guy while on a corporate assignment, and we became good friends. We had lunch a few times and he introduced me to people in his circle. Soon, he began wooing me and said he wanted us to be more than friends. He was persistent, so I started considering it.

In December, he called to say he had bought me Christmas gifts, including a particular pair of shoes he was sure I’d love. He then invited me over to collect them.

On the day I planned to go, my mum came into my room around 4:00 a.m., praying and sweating. She woke me up and asked me to describe my friend to her. Before I said anything, she described him perfectly, even though she had never met him. She said she had dreamt about him performing strange incantations with the gifts he bought and warned me not to go or accept anything from him.

Later that morning, he started calling nonstop, asking when I would arrive. When I told him I couldn’t make it that day, he became angry and lashed out. His reaction felt extreme for something as small as postponing a visit. That moment convinced me to follow my mum’s advice and cut him off. ”

“She warned me about a friend who later betrayed me” — Ifeoma*, 33, F

For Ifeoma, her mum’s instincts helped her avoid serious trouble at work.

“When I moved to Lagos for work in my mid-20s, I became very close to a colleague. We hung out all the time, and I trusted her a lot. One holiday, she accompanied me to visit my family.

After we left, my mum casually asked if I was sure the girl was really my friend. She said something about her didn’t sit well with her spirit. I laughed it off because they had barely spoken. I told my mum she was just being overprotective.

A few months later, things started to unravel. That same friend began spreading rumours about me at work, insinuating that I was having an affair with our boss. At the height of it, she even tried to implicate me in a mistake she made on an important project. Thankfully, I had proof that cleared my name. It was shocking to realise my mum had sensed something I completely missed. I had to cut her off for my peace of mind.”

“My mum’s dream saved me from a snake” — Anthony*, 38, M

Anthony shares how a dream saved him from a nasty encounter with a snake.

“When I was seven, I followed my parents to my dad’s village for my grandfather’s burial. The morning after we arrived, before I went to play with my cousins, my mum warned me to come home before sunset. She said she had dreamt about a snake wrapping itself around my leg.

I was scared of snakes, so her words rang in my head all day. However, I eventually got carried away. By the time I remembered my mum’s warning, twilight had already set in. I walked back home as fast as I could.

A few yards from the gate, I stumbled on a tree root and fell. As I got up, I noticed something writhing by the base of the tree. It was the biggest python I’d ever seen, slowly wrapping itself around a goat.

I screamed and ran as fast as my legs would allow. When I got home, I told my parents what I had seen, and a few men went out and killed the snake. They roasted and ate it that evening, but I was too shaken to try it. I didn’t leave my mother’s side for the rest of the funeral festivities. I just kept imagining if the snake had gotten hold of me instead of the goat. ”

See what other people are saying about this article online.

Lagos, Nigeria – March 10, 2026 – African Women in Technology (AWIT) will host the Nigeria edition of its International Women’s Day 2026 Global Series on March 12, 2026, at the Nexford University Community Space, Lagos. The event, themed “Give to Gain: Balancing the Scale,” will bring together women across technology, fintech, venture capital, media, and innovation ecosystems to discuss how women can gain greater access to opportunities, leadership roles, and influence in the digital economy.

The Lagos gathering is part of a three-city global series taking place in Nigeria, Kenya, and Washington DC, aimed at strengthening cross-continent dialogue on women’s leadership, entrepreneurship, and economic power within emerging technology sectors.

Zikoko joins the event as the official media partner, amplifying conversations from the gathering and spotlighting the voices of women shaping the future of technology, finance, and innovation.

Across Africa, women continue to contribute significantly to economic growth and innovation. However, many still face barriers in accessing capital, securing leadership roles, and building ownership within the digital economy. The event will explore practical ways to strengthen women’s access to networks, resources, and opportunities that support long-term economic participation and influence.

The programme will feature expert talks and panel discussions, including “The Future Is Female: AI, Data and Digital Power,” a conversation on women’s leadership in artificial intelligence, cybersecurity, and ethical data use. Panellists include Dr Taiwo Anjorin, Board Member of the AI Filmmakers Network; Olufunmi Olaosun, Chief Strategy Officer at MyLEAPS Initiative; and Zusi Inegbeniki, Founder of FoundexAI.

Financial empowerment will also be a key focus. Oluwatosin Olaseinde, Founder and CEO of MoneyAfrica and Ladda, will lead a session on how fintech innovation and financial literacy can expand wealth creation opportunities for women.

Other speakers include Toluwanimi Onakoya, Director of Communications at AfriLabs, who will discuss the role of storytelling in strengthening Africa’s innovation ecosystem, and Ayeni Oluwatobi Dorcas (MissTechy), Director of Misstechy Media, who will share insights on how digital creators are influencing technology conversations and inspiring more women to explore careers in tech.

The event will conclude with a power conversation on women influencing systems and leadership structures, featuring Juliet Eze, Founder of Sexual Health Hub.

Registration for the event is open at: https://shm.to/YoQjjrU

About African Women in Technology (AWIT)

African Women in Technology (AWIT) is a global nonprofit organisation dedicated to advancing women’s leadership and participation in technology, innovation, and digital economies through mentorship, partnerships, and global convenings.

Someone you know has left or is planning to leave. 1,000 Ways to Japa speaks to real people and explores the endless reasons and paths they take to japa.

Uzor* (22) always wanted to study abroad. So when his friend learned about top-up courses at a conference, he jumped at the opportunity. In this story, Uzor shares how long it took him to complete his studies and what living in the UK feels like.

Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

I currently live in the UK, and I left Nigeria in 2022.

What inspired your move to the UK?

I was inspired by the desire to study abroad. So after I got my diploma in Lagos, I transferred to a UK school, joined a final year class and earned a degree in Computer Systems Engineering.

How did you find out you could do a transfer?

Some universities do something called top-up courses, which is a fancy way of saying you can study at the university for a specific number of years if you already have some qualifications. They had a course related to what I already did for my diploma, so I met their transfer requirements. Over here, Computer Systems Engineering is a three-year course, so I was able to skip two years and join in the third year.

Congratulations! Was there any scholarship involved?

No. I self-funded.

How much did it cost you?

I can’t remember exactly how much I spent, but I estimate it’s about £18,000 for the entire program and £7000 to get me to the UK.

How did you hear about the school?

I heard about it through a friend who attended a conference they organised. I can’t recall exactly how he heard about the conference, but he somehow ended up there and then told me about it. At the conference, a travel agency, with affiliations to the school, said they help students with the application process for free. This was such a relief because our agent at the time wanted to charge us ₦150,000 per head. We both jumped at the chance to do it at no cost.

Eventually, they explained that agents are not supposed to charge students for assisting with their applications because the schools pay the agents per student they bring in.

What’s the name of the school you attended?

The University of Sunderland.

What documents did the travel agency ask you to bring?

They asked for regular documents, nothing out of the ordinary: degree certificates, National Identification Number (NIN), West African Senior School Certificate Examination (WASSCE) results. I can’t remember the full details, but I know they don’t ask for a document you’d have a hard time providing.

How long did it take for the school to get back to you?

The school itself responded fairly quickly in general. I heard back from them within two weeks.

How long did your visa take?

The visa was a bit more complex. It took me about a month, but that was because a certain document was missing in the ones I submitted. They had to mail me back and ask that I send it to them again. This means my application went through the loop twice. I had paid for priority processing, which usually gets you a response within a week, but because of the missing document, I had to wait four weeks.

What were the specific things you spent on for the visa application?

I paid for the visa application fee and the Immigration Health Surcharge (IHS) fee. The details are really blurry here, but I paid for the number of years I was to spend studying.

What documents did you need for your visa application?

I can’t quite remember all the documents they asked for, but I know it wasn’t much

Let’s go back to the school. Is it a place you’d recommend for people looking to study in the UK?

I wouldn’t necessarily say I recommend it, and it’s mostly because of where it’s situated. It’s not a city, just a small town.

Ok. This is about the town; how about the school’s systems?

It’s ok, really. I didn’t have a direct experience with the system and can’t exactly recommend it to people. I spent only ten months there; if I had spent longer, then I’d be able to authoritatively speak on it.

Does the school require certain grades for the top-up courses?

I believe they reserve the right to reject you based on your grades.

What other UK universities do top-up courses?

The University of South Wales and Middlesex University do it. There could be others. I encourage people to check.

You’ve graduated, no?

Yes, I have.

Congratulations! What visa are you currently on?

I’m on the sponsorship visa.

How long did it take you to get sponsorship?

It took me about a year after school to get sponsorship. But it wasn’t all bad for me because I already had a remote job I was doing. After I found my current job, I quit that one. They take care of my sponsorship.

What’s your favourite thing about living in the UK?

My favourite thing about the UK is the structure. Here, you’re sure that your train will arrive when it’s supposed to, and things work as they’re supposed to. This has a way of elevating your daily life.

What’s your least favourite thing?

I don’t like the weather. I’m also not a fan of the social structure here. It makes it difficult to have friends. It’s slightly different from Nigeria.

Have you been able to make any friends so far?

I moved with a couple of my friends from Lagos

Would you recommend top-up courses for people looking to study in the UK?

I absolutely loved moving to the UK through this route. But would I recommend it? I wouldn’t immediately say yes, and this is because it’s not on the cheap side. Also, immigration rules are changing a lot these days, and the UK government frankly doesn’t know what it’s doing.

So, my advice to anyone considering this route is to find out and acknowledge the risks involved. Know the path you’re working on because getting sponsorship jobs is quite hard. There is a barrier to entry, so some companies, even if they wanted to hire some people, can’t exactly do so.

On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate life in the UK compared to Nigeria?

At the baseline level, the UK is definitely a better place to live compared to Nigeria. But there are also things that make Nigeria lovely. The first is the strong feeling of home attached to it, primarily because I was born and grew up there. There’s also easy access to Nigerian food, unlike here in the UK.

What I’m saying is that the UK is better in terms of ease and structure. So if I were to put a number to it, I’d say a seven.

Want to share your japa story? Please reach out to me here.

Zikoko’s HERtitude is back this April 2026. Grab your tickets here.

Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

Short Apology Message for Her

We all know that a few well-chosen words can speak louder than a long speech. A short apology message for her is perfect for when you want to express regret quickly but meaningfully.

I’m really sorry for hurting you. You mean too much to me for me to let my mistake stand without trying to make it right.

I hate knowing that I’m the reason you’re upset. Please forgive me. I’m truly sorry.

I messed up, and I take full responsibility. I’m sorry for hurting you, and I’ll do better.

I’m sorry for the way I handled things. You deserve more care from me.

I never meant to make you feel unimportant. I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

I know words alone can’t fix everything, but I truly am sorry for what I did.

I regret the way I spoke to you. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for letting my emotions get the best of me. You deserve all the kindness in the world from me.

I wish I could take back what I said, but all I can do now is apologise and try to be better.

I’m really sorry for the pain I caused. I hope with time I can earn back your trust.

You didn’t deserve the way I treated you. I’m sorry, and I genuinely want to make things right.

I’ve thought a lot about what happened, and I’m truly sorry for my part in it.

I hate that my actions hurt you. Please know that I’m sincerely sorry.

I’m sorry for not listening the way I should have. Your feelings matter, and I should have respected that.

I let you down, and I’m sorry. You deserve better from me.

I’m sorry for the misunderstanding and the hurt it caused. I care about you more than you know.

I should have handled things differently, and I regret that I didn’t. I’m really sorry.

I’m sorry for taking you for granted. You deserve appreciation and respect from me.

I never want to be the reason you’re hurting. I’m truly sorry for what happened.

I know apologies don’t erase the past, but please know that I mean this one sincerely.

I’m sorry for the way things turned out between us. I care about you, and I regret hurting you.

I’m sorry for the way I behaved, my love. I’ll do better for you.

I’m sorry for hurting you, even if I didn’t realise it at the time. You matter more than I can say.

I’m truly sorry for letting my actions come between us. Your heart means everything to me.

I know I’ve hurt you, and I hate that I did. Please let me make it right, starting now.

I know I hurt you, and that’s the last thing I ever want to do. I’m deeply sorry.

ALSO READ: 150+ Apology Messages to Say Sorry to Someone You Love

Long Apology Message for Her

When a simple “sorry” isn’t enough to undo the damage, a long apology message for her will allow you to fully express your feelings and let her know just how much she means to you.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what happened, and I realise how much my actions hurt you. I’m deeply sorry for the pain I caused. You didn’t deserve that from me, especially from someone who claims to care about you as much as I do. I truly regret the way I handled things, and I hope with time and patience I can show you that I’m capable of doing better.

I know I hurt you, and that’s something I can’t ignore or brush off. I’m sorry for the way I acted and for the way my choices affected you. You’ve always deserved respect from me, and I regret the moment I failed to give you that. I hope you’ll give me the chance to learn from this and make things right.

I want to sincerely apologise for what I did. Looking back, I can see clearly how my words and actions must have made you feel, and that realisation hurts me deeply. You matter to me, and the last thing I ever wanted was to be the reason you felt upset or disappointed. I’m truly sorry, and I hope I can earn back your trust.

I regret the way things happened between us. I know my actions created distance where there should have been understanding. I’m sorry for not thinking carefully about how my behavior would affect you. You deserve someone who considers your feelings, and I’m committed to being more thoughtful and aware going forward.

I’m not proud of the way I handled things, and I take full responsibility for my mistake. I’m sorry for the hurt I caused you. You’ve always been important to me, and it hurts knowing that my actions made you question that. I hope I can prove through my actions that I’m serious about doing better.

I want you to know that my apology comes from a genuine place. I’ve thought a lot about what happened and how my actions affected you. I’m truly sorry for the pain and disappointment I caused. You deserve kindness, patience, and respect from me, and I regret that I didn’t show that when it mattered most.

I know an apology doesn’t erase the hurt immediately, but I still want to say it because it’s the truth. I’m sorry for the way I behaved and for the way it made you feel. I care about you deeply, and the thought of being the reason you’re hurting is something I take seriously.

I wish I could go back and handle things differently, because you deserved so much better from me. I’m sorry for the way my actions affected you and for not being more understanding at the time. I’ve reflected on it a lot, and I truly regret the pain I caused.

I know I disappointed you, and I understand why you’re hurt. I’m sorry for letting things get to that point. You’ve always been someone I respect and care about, and I hate knowing that I’m the one who made you feel this way.

I want to apologise sincerely for the way I treated you. Looking back, I can see how my actions must have made you feel unappreciated and upset. That was never my intention, but I know intentions don’t erase the impact. I’m truly sorry.

I’ve been replaying everything in my mind, and I see now where I went wrong. I’m sorry for the hurt I caused you. You’ve always deserved honesty and care from me, and I regret the moment I failed to show that.

I’m deeply sorry for the pain my actions caused you. I should have handled things with more patience and maturity. You deserve someone who respects your feelings, and I regret that I didn’t show that in the moment.

I hate knowing that my actions made you feel hurt or disappointed. You’re someone I genuinely care about, and it pains me to know that I was the reason you were upset. I’m truly sorry and hope I can make things right.

I’ve taken time to reflect on what happened, and I realise how much my actions affected you. I’m sorry for the way I handled things and for the hurt it caused. You deserved better from me, and I’m committed to learning from this mistake.

I want to apologise for the way I spoke and the way I acted. It wasn’t fair to you, and it didn’t reflect the respect I truly have for you. I’m sorry for hurting you and for not thinking about how my words would affect you.

I know trust is built through actions, and I regret the moment I gave you a reason to doubt me. I’m truly sorry for what happened. You deserve consistency, honesty, and respect, and I want to work towards being better for you.

I’m sorry for letting my emotions get the best of me. In the moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I ended up hurting someone who means a lot to me. I regret that deeply and hope you can eventually forgive me.

I understand if you need time to process everything. All I want you to know right now is that I’m sincerely sorry. I regret hurting you and truly wish I had handled things differently.

I know my apology won’t immediately undo what happened, but I still want to say it because you deserve to hear it. I’m sorry for my actions and for the pain they caused you.

I’m sorry for the misunderstanding and the hurt it created between us. I wish I had taken the time to listen more carefully and respond with patience instead of reacting the way I did.

I regret the way things unfolded and the role I played in causing that hurt. You deserve someone who treats your feelings importantly, and I’m sorry I didn’t do that in that moment.

I’m truly sorry for hurting you. I care about you more than I sometimes express, and I hate knowing that my actions caused you pain. I hope in time I can show you that I’m capable of learning from this and doing better.

I’m truly sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you. I realise now that my words and actions may have made you feel unappreciated or unheard, and that was never my intention. You mean so much to me, and I never want to take your love or patience for granted. I promise to listen more, care more, and be the person you deserve.

I want to apologise from the bottom of my heart for the times I’ve failed you. I know my distance, my mistakes, and the moments I wasn’t fully present may have caused you pain, and I feel awful about it. You are the most important person in my life, and I will do everything I can to make sure you feel loved, heard, and valued every single day.

I’m sorry for hurting you and not being the partner you needed. I know I let my own distractions and flaws get in the way, and I regret it deeply. You’ve given me so much love and patience, and I want to repay that by being more attentive, more caring, and more present in every moment we share. Please forgive me.

I realise I’ve made mistakes that have hurt you, and I feel terrible about it. I didn’t mean to make you feel alone or unimportant, and I hate that I did. You are my heart, my love, and my safe place, and I want to show you every day that I cherish you. I promise to be better, to listen more, and to always be there for you.

Heartfelt Apology Message for Her

Your words need to come straight from the heart. A heartfelt apology messages t for her is ideal for when you want to get vulnerable and show her how badly you want to make things right.

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what happened, and the truth is, I hate that my actions caused you pain. You are someone I deeply care about, and knowing I hurt you sits heavily on my heart. I’m truly sorry, and I hope in time I can prove that I’m capable of being more thoughtful and deserving of your trust.

Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do, yet somehow my actions led us here. I’m deeply sorry for the pain I caused. You’ve always deserved patience, understanding, and care from me, and I regret the moment I failed to give you that.

The hardest part about this is knowing that the person I hurt is someone who has always meant so much to me. I wish I could go back and handle everything differently, but since I can’t, the only thing I can offer now is a sincere apology and the promise to learn from this mistake.

I understand if you’re angry or disappointed in me. You have every right to feel the way you do. I’m deeply sorry for my actions and for the way they made you feel. You deserve honesty, kindness, and respect from me, and I regret not showing that when it mattered most.

I’ve been thinking about the situation over and over, and the truth is I wish I had chosen my words and actions more carefully. You deserved better from me, and I’m deeply sorry for letting you down.

There’s nothing easy about admitting that I was wrong, but I know it’s necessary. I’m sorry for hurting you and for not being the person you needed me to be in that moment. I care about you more than my mistake may have shown.

What hurts me most is knowing that my actions made you question how much you mean to me. The truth is that you matter more than I sometimes know how to express, and I’m deeply sorry for making you feel otherwise.

I regret the way I handled things, and I regret the pain it caused you even more. You’ve always been someone I respect and care about deeply, and the thought of losing your trust is something that truly scares me.

I know an apology can’t instantly fix everything, but I want you to know that I genuinely mean it. I’m sorry for hurting you and for not being more mindful of your feelings.

I hate that my actions created distance between us. You’re someone I value deeply, and it pains me to know that I caused the hurt that stands between us now. I’m sincerely sorry.

I’ve taken time to think about everything that happened, and I realise how unfair my actions were to you. You deserved patience and understanding, not the hurt I caused. I’m deeply sorry for that.

I know I disappointed you, and that’s something I take seriously. You’ve always shown me care and support, and I regret the moment I didn’t return that same energy.

The truth is that you mean more to me than my actions showed. I’m sorry for letting my emotions and poor judgment hurt someone I care about so deeply.

I understand if forgiveness doesn’t come easily right now. All I want you to know is that my apology is genuine, and I regret the pain my actions caused you.

I’m sorry for the hurt I caused and for the way my actions affected you. You deserve someone who listens, understands, and treats your feelings with care.

I know trust takes time to rebuild, and I regret the moment I gave you a reason to question mine. I’m truly sorry and willing to do the work to make things right.

When I think about what happened, I realise how much I should have handled things differently. I’m deeply sorry for the pain I caused and for not being more considerate of your feelings.

I care about you more than my actions might have suggested, and that’s why this situation weighs so heavily on me. I’m sorry for hurting you and for the disappointment I caused.

I regret the moment I allowed my actions to hurt someone who has always mattered to me. You deserved kindness and respect from me.

I know apologies don’t erase pain overnight, but I hope you can see that my words come from a place of genuine regret.

I wish I could undo the moment that caused you pain, but since I can’t, the best I can do is take responsibility and offer you my sincere apology.

You deserve honesty, care, and respect from the people in your life, especially from me. I’m deeply sorry for not living up to that in the moment.

Forgive me for my mistakes, love. I never want to make you feel anything less than cherished.

My love, I’m truly sorry for hurting you. I never meant to make you feel unappreciated or unseen. You mean everything to me, and I promise to listen and love you better every single day.

I know I’ve made mistakes, and it breaks my heart to think I caused you pain. Please forgive me, my love. You are the most important part of my life, and I’ll do everything I can to make it right.

I’m sorry for the moments I let you down or made you feel alone. My heart belongs to you, and I want to be the person who lifts you, hears you, and cherishes you always.

ALSO READ: 100+ Heartfelt Long Good Morning Messages for Her

Funny Apology Message for Her

Not every apology has to be heavy. Sometimes a little humor can help break the tension, and that’s where a funny apology message for her can work wonders. It adds a bit of levity to your apology, while still showing you care.

They say love is patient and kind, right? Well, I hope you’re feeling extra loving today. I’m sorry, my love!

You know, when I make a mistake, I really go all in. I’m very sorry.

I’m sorry. Clearly, I need to be supervised by a responsible adult.

I’m really sorry about the things I said earlier. In my defence, I was extremely hungry… but still very wrong.

I messed up badly. Please accept my apology and this peace offering in the form of food.

Honestly, you’re the best, and I’m the worst. I’m so sorry for what I did.

I must have been tired or hungry when I said that… but either way, I’m sorry.

After carefully replaying our fight, it turns out you were right and I was completely wrong. I apologise.

I’m not saying I was wrong, but I am buying you food, so let’s call it even?

I know that I hurt you, but please know that I did it for one reason…I’m an idiot. Please forgive me.

Nobody’s perfect. But today I went out of my way to prove that point. I’m sorry for what I said.

I’m sorry for the big mistake I made, and for all the other small ones it reminded you of.

I’m sorry for being as observant as a rock today. Clearly, my brain took the day off.

I know I can be a bit annoying sometimes. I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll try to do better. I love you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I messed up today, but I still love you.

Me: Says something dumb. My brain: ‘Why are you like this?’ Also me: Writing this apology text.

I apologise for being about as helpful as a broken google map today. I’ll try to be better next time.

Some things really should stay inside your head. Unfortunately, I realised that after I had already said them. I’m sorry.

ALSO READ: 100+ Heartwarming Long Good Night Messages for Her

Apology Messages for Hurting Her Feelings

Even the people we love most can feel hurt by our words or actions. An apology message for her after hurting her feelings will help express your regret for causing her pain.

I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings. Looking back, I realise my words came across harsher than I intended. You didn’t deserve that, and I regret not being more thoughtful in that moment.

I hate knowing that something I said or did made you feel upset. Your feelings matter to me more than I showed, and I’m truly sorry for the hurt I caused.

I realise now that my words affected you deeply, and that’s something I genuinely regret. You deserve kindness and understanding from me, not pain.

I’m sorry for the way I handled things. I should have listened more carefully and spoken with more care. Hurting your feelings was never something I wanted to do.

I regret the way my actions made you feel. You didn’t deserve to feel dismissed or hurt, and I’m truly sorry for not considering your feelings properly.

I’m really sorry for the pain my words caused you. I should have paused, listened, and thought more carefully before speaking.

I know I hurt your feelings, and that’s something I take seriously. I care about you and never want to be the reason you feel upset.

I’m sorry for making you feel unappreciated. You mean a lot to me, and I regret the moment my actions made you feel otherwise.

Looking back, I wish I had handled things differently. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings and for not being more sensitive to how my words might affect you.

I hate knowing that something I did made you feel sad or disappointed. You deserve patience and understanding from me, and I’m sorry I didn’t show that.

I’m sorry for not recognising how much my words would hurt you. If I could go back and say things differently, I absolutely would.

I regret speaking without thinking about how it would make you feel. Your feelings should have mattered more in that moment.

I know apologies don’t erase the hurt immediately, but I want you to know I’m sincerely sorry for upsetting you.

I’m sorry for the misunderstanding and the hurt it caused. I should have taken the time to explain myself better instead of letting things affect you the way they did.

I feel terrible knowing I hurt someone I care about. Please know that I’m genuinely sorry and that your feelings matter deeply to me.

I should have been more mindful of how my words might come across. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings and for not showing more care.
You didn’t deserve the way that situation unfolded. I’m truly sorry for the hurt and confusion my actions caused.

I’m sorry for letting my emotions get the best of me. I should have handled things with more patience and understanding.

I regret the moment I made you feel anything less than valued. Hurting your feelings was never my intention.

I care about you deeply, which is why it hurts to know that I’m the one who caused you pain. I’m truly sorry.

I wish I had taken a moment to think before speaking. I’m sorry for the way my words affected you.

I’m sorry for the hurt I caused and for not recognising it sooner. Your feelings matter, and I regret the moment I made you feel otherwise.

I’m truly sorry for hurting your feelings. I never meant to make you feel anything less than loved and cherished, and I promise to be more mindful of your heart from now on.

I feel awful for the pain I caused you. Please forgive me, my love — I never want to be the reason for your tears or sadness, and I’ll do everything I can to make it right.

I regret the way my words and actions affected you. You mean so much to me, and I’m deeply sorry for causing you hurt. I promise to listen, understand, and care for you better.

ALSO READ: 200+ Heartwarming Love and Trust Messages for Her

Apology Messages for Her After Lying or Breaking Trust

Trust is fragile, and once broken, it takes a lot of effort to repair. An apology message for her after lying or breaking her trust allows you acknowledge your mistakes and show you’re committed to being more honest.

I’m truly sorry for lying to you and breaking the trust we built. I know I hurt you, and it pains me to see the disappointment in your eyes. I promise to be open and trustworthy from now on because you mean everything to me.

I regret betraying your trust and causing you pain. I was wrong, and I take full responsibility for my actions. Please forgive me. I promise to do whatever it takes to rebuild the love and trust between us.

I know I’ve hurt you by not being truthful, and I hate that I let my mistakes come between us. You deserve honesty and respect always, and I’m sorry for failing you. I promise to earn your trust back, step by step.

I’m sorry for breaking your trust and making you doubt my love. You are my heart, and I never want to cause you pain. I vow to be open, sincere, and dependable from now on.

I feel terrible for lying and hurting the person I love most. I know I’ve shaken your trust, but I’m ready to make things right and prove every day that I am worthy of your love and faith in me.

I know that the hardest part of what I did isn’t just the mistake itself but the fact that it broke your trust. I’m deeply sorry for lying to you. You deserved honesty from me, and I regret not giving you that.

I wish I could undo the moment I chose dishonesty over truth. I know trust is fragile, and I hate that I’m the reason it’s been damaged between us. I’m truly sorry.

I understand that it’s not easy to trust someone again after they’ve lied. I take responsibility for my actions, and I’m sincerely sorry for the hurt and doubt I caused you.

I know my lie hurt you more than I realised in the moment. You trusted me, and I broke that trust. I’m deeply sorry and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild what I damaged.

I regret not being honest with you from the start. You deserved the truth, and I’m sorry for choosing the easier path instead of the right one.

I hate that my actions made you question my honesty. You should never have had to doubt me, and I’m truly sorry for putting you in that position.

I know that trust takes time to build and only seconds to break. I regret the moment I made a choice that hurt you and put that trust at risk.

I’m sorry for the lie and for the disappointment it brought into our relationship. You deserved honesty, and I regret failing you in that way.

I can’t change what happened, but I want you to know that I’m genuinely sorry for betraying your trust. I hope one day I can earn it back through honesty and consistency.

I regret the moment I decided not to tell you the truth. It was unfair to you, and I’m deeply sorry for the pain it caused.

I know apologies don’t immediately repair broken trust, but I want you to know that I take responsibility for my mistake. I’m sincerely sorry.

I hate knowing that my actions created doubt between us. You deserved transparency and honesty, and I’m sorry for not giving you that.

I’m sorry for the lie and the way it made you feel. You’ve always been honest with me, and I regret not showing you the same respect.

I know rebuilding trust takes time, patience, and real effort. I’m ready to put in that effort because I truly regret hurting you.

I wish I had been brave enough to tell you the truth instead of hiding it. I’m deeply sorry for the pain that decision caused you.

I know my actions made you question my sincerity, and I understand why. I’m truly sorry for breaking your trust.

I regret that my dishonesty created distance between us. You deserved the truth, and I’m sorry for not being upfront with you.

I understand if you need time to process everything. All I want you to know right now is that I’m genuinely sorry for lying and for the hurt it caused.

I know I let you down by not being honest. That’s something I take seriously, and I’m deeply sorry for the pain my actions caused you.

I hate that my mistake put our relationship in this position. I’m truly sorry for betraying your trust and for the disappointment it brought.

I know trust isn’t something that can be repaired overnight. All I can promise is honesty going forward and genuine effort to rebuild what I damaged.

ALSO READ: 250+ Deep, Romantic Love Messages That Will Melt Her Heart

Thoughtful Apology Messages for Her After Not Listening

Sometimes, we fail to give the people we love our full attention, and it hurts more than we realise. An apology message for her after not listening will help express your regret and show that you truly value her words and feelings.

I’m so sorry for not really listening to you. You mean the world to me, and I want to hear everything you have to say.

I hate that I let my mind wander when you were speaking. You deserve my full attention, always.

I’m sorry for not being there with you in that moment. I promise to listen properly next time.

I feel awful for not hearing you out. Your thoughts and feelings matter to me more than anything.

I’m sorry for making you feel ignored. I never want you to feel that way again.

I realise I wasn’t really listening, and I’m truly sorry. You deserve someone who’s fully present for you.

I hate that I missed what you were trying to tell me. I’ll do better, I promise.

I’m sorry for not paying attention when you needed me. I want to be someone you can always count on to listen.

I feel terrible for letting you feel unheard. Please forgive me. I want to listen with my heart as well as my ears.

I wasn’t listening like I should, and it makes me sad knowing I hurt you. I’m sorry, love.

I’m sorry for not catching your words when they mattered most. I want to hear you, always.

I realise I wasn’t really there for you. I’m sorry, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I hate that I let you feel invisible. You deserve to be fully heard, and I promise to listen better.

I’m sorry for not giving you my full attention. You are important to me, and I’ll show it every day.

I hate that I made you feel unheard. I’ll do better, because you deserve nothing less.

I’m sorry for not being present with you. You are my priority, and I’ll show it by listening.

I regret not listening when it mattered. I love you and I want to hear everything you feel.

I’m sorry for letting my distractions get in the way. From now on, my ears and my heart are all yours.

I’m sorry for not really listening when you spoke. I realise now how much you needed me to hear you, and I promise to give you my full attention from now on.

I feel terrible for letting my mind wander while you were sharing your thoughts. You deserve someone who listens with their heart, and I want to be that person for you.

I’m sorry for not being present when you needed me. Your words matter deeply to me, and I’ll make sure to truly listen every time.

Forgive me for not understanding you the way I should have. I want to hear you, feel with you, and be here for you in every way.

I hate that I made you feel unheard. Please know I value every word you say, and I promise to listen with care and love from now on.

I’m sorry for drifting away when you wanted me to listen. I want to be fully here for you.

I feel awful for not really hearing you. Please forgive me, I want to understand you better.

I’m sorry for missing the meaning behind your words. Your heart matters to me, and I’ll pay closer attention.

ALSO READ: 150+ Pick Up Lines for Girls That’ll Make Her Blush

Apology Message for Her After Being Distant

Distance, whether emotional or physical, can make the heart feel lonely. An apology messages for her after being distant is a way to bridge that gap. These messages will help you show her that you’re ready to be present and attentive again.

I’m sorry for pulling away lately. You mean so much to me, and I never want my distance to make you feel unloved.

I hate that I’ve been distant. Please know it’s never about you. I just lost myself for a moment.

I’m sorry for not being close to you like I should. I want to be here, fully, for you again.

I regret my distance and the space I’ve created between us. You are my world, and I don’t want you to feel forgotten.

I’m sorry for shutting you out. I want to reconnect and show you how much you mean to me.

I feel awful for being distant. You deserve my love and attention, and I’ll make sure you get it.

I know I’ve been distant, and I’m sorry. I want to be present in your life and in your heart.

I’m sorry for not being as close as I should. I’ve missed you more than I can say.

I hate that I’ve made you feel alone. I promise to be more open and near to you from now on.

I’m sorry for my distance. You’re everything to me, and I’ll do better at showing it.

I regret being quiet and distant lately. I love you, and I want to make it right.

I’m sorry for not being the partner you needed these past days. I’m here now, and I want to stay close.

I know I’ve seemed far away, and I feel terrible. Please let me make it up to you with my attention and care.

I’m sorry for the space I’ve put between us. You are precious to me, and I’ll be more present.

I hate that my distance hurt you. You deserve someone who is always near, and I want to be that person.

I’m sorry for retreating when you needed me. I promise to be here with you, fully, from now on.

I know my distance must have been painful. I want to close that gap and be with you like I should.

I’m sorry for seeming cold or far away. My heart has always been with you, even when I faltered.

I regret making you feel lonely with my distance. I’ll make it right by being more present and loving.

I’m sorry for being distant. I want to hold you close and make sure you always feel cherished.

I hate that I made you feel second to my silence. You are my priority, and I’ll show it every day.

I’m sorry for the distance I created. You mean everything to me, and I promise to be closer to you from now on.

I’m sorry for pulling away and making you feel alone. You are the most important person in my life, and I want to be close to you again.

I’m sorry for the coldness and distance I’ve shown. My heart has always been with you, and I’ll do everything I can to show you that every day.

I’m truly sorry for being distant lately. You deserve my love and attention, and I promise to be more present and attentive from now on.

I hate that I made you feel unimportant by being distant. You mean everything to me, and I want to make it right by being closer to you.

How To Craft an Apology Message for Her That Feels Sincere

A meaningful apology shows that you understand how your actions affected her and that you want to make things right. If you want your apology message to her to feel honest, follow these simple steps.

Step 1: Acknowledge what you did wrong

The first step to a sincere apology is being honest about your mistake. Clearly acknowledge what you did and how it may have hurt her feelings. Avoid being vague or pretending nothing happened.

Examples:

“I’m sorry for not listening to you earlier. I realise that made you feel unheard.”

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. I understand why it hurt you.”

Step 2: Avoid excuses or shifting blame

A genuine apology focuses on taking responsibility, not defending yourself. Owning your mistake shows maturity and respect for her feelings.

Examples:

“There’s no excuse for how I acted, and I take full responsibility.”

“I was wrong, and I’m truly sorry.”

Step 3: Express your regret clearly

Let her know that you truly regret the pain or disappointment you caused. Be sincere and speak from the heart.

Example:

“I regret what happened, and I wish I could take it back.”

Step 4: Promise to do better

An apology becomes more meaningful when you show that you’re willing to change. Explain what you will do differently moving forward.

Examples:

“I’ll make a real effort to listen better and be more present.”

“I want to rebuild the trust I damaged, and I’m ready to work on it.”

Step 5: Give her space and show it through actions

After apologising, give her the chance to express how she feels by listening without interrupting. Small gestures like deep love messages for her, kind actions, or simply being more attentive can help prove that your apology is sincere.

Every week, Zikoko spotlights the unfiltered stories of women navigating life, love, identity and everything in between.

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way.

Farida*, 34, moved into her older brother’s home at 29 to get her footing in a new city. What she didn’t expect was to fall into something with his wife.

Tell us about yourself.

My name is Farida, I’m 34, and I work in communications. I grew up in Abuja, but I’ve been in Germany for about two years now. It still surprises me sometimes when I say that out loud. Germany. Like, of all the places.

What was your family like growing up?

My parents were comfortable; we weren’t rolling in it, but we genuinely never lacked. We travelled, I went to good schools, life was fine. They had three of us: my older sister Zainab*, who’s 47 now; my brother Idris*, who’s 45; and me, the baby. There are sixteen years between Idris and I, which sounds like a lot, and it is, but it also means he always felt more like a second parent than a brother. In the best way, sha. He was never overbearing. He just showed up for me, financially, emotionally, whatever it was. When I needed school fees topped up, or I had a problem I didn’t want to bring to our parents, he was the one.

And your parents?

They passed within a couple of years of each other. My mum first, then my dad. I was in my early twenties when it happened. It was one of the hardest periods of my life, obviously. Idris stepped up even more after that. He made sure I knew I wasn’t alone. Zainab has always kind of lived in her own world. She loves us, but she’s not really the present type, never really around. So it was mostly Idris. The estate and everything they left behind were distributed among the three of us. I still have the family house in Abuja. I haven’t sold it. I don’t think I ever will.

So you and your brother were very close. It must have been nice.

Very. And the age gap, as I said, meant things between us were never strained the way sibling relationships with smaller gaps can get. I wasn’t competing with him for anything. He wasn’t trying to one-up me. It was just easy. He adored me, and I adored him, and it was one of those things I always just assumed would remain constant.

What happened?

I’d gotten a new job in Lagos. It was good with the best pay in my life at that time. I’d been going back and forth on it, though; I had a whole life in Abuja, my routines, my friends, but ultimately, the opportunity made sense. Idris was in Lagos with his wife, and his house wasn’t far from my office, so when I mentioned I was looking at places, he didn’t let me finish the sentence. He said I had five years with him if I wanted them, and even after that, I was welcome. That is just who he is.

This was a good thing, right?

Yes, and I was grateful. Rent in Lagos is diabolical. But I was also a bit apprehensive.

Why?

I had not really spent much time with his wife. After they got married, I visited here and there, birthdays, things like that, but I was never one of those sisters-in-law who’s always in her brother’s house. Part of it was practical; I had my own life in Abuja. But honestly, part of it was Atinuke.*

There was something about her that always made me a little… I want to say ‘uncomfortable,’ but that’s not quite right either. She just unsettled me in a way I couldn’t name. She’s half Yoruba, half German, grew up a lot in Germany, very composed, very internal. She wasn’t warm in the way I was used to women showing warmth. She was just… still. And it used to read as coldness to me, and I just assumed we’d never really click. She’s also only four years older than me, at the time, 33 to my 29, which always felt a bit strange when I thought about it too hard. So I kept my visits short.

And when you moved in?

I basically set up my own little world. They had a boys’ quarters that was actually a proper self-contained apartment, its own entrance, its own kitchen, everything. I took that. So I was on the property, but I wasn’t in their faces, and they weren’t in mine. I saw Idris pretty much daily. A quick check-in, sometimes dinner, sometimes we’d just sit and talk. Atinuke, I barely saw. Which suited me, honestly.

So what changed?

Idris, ironically. He noticed that his wife and his sister basically coexisted without speaking, and it bothered him. He’s one of those people who needs the people he loves to love each other. So he started engineering small things, “Atinuke is going to the market, go with her.” “The two of you should go and see this new place.” You know how it is. He wasn’t even subtle about it.

At first, I went along to keep him happy and kept my internal distance. But Atinuke, when you actually talk to her, she’s funny. She’ll say something with a completely straight face, and it’ll take you a few seconds to realise she just said something hilarious. And she was genuinely curious about me, not just a necessary talk. She asked real questions. She actually listened. I started looking forward to being around each other.

When did you notice something was shifting?

I think I started noticing things before I let myself admit what I was noticing. It was the smallest things. The way she’d look at me for a second too long. A hand on my shoulder when she walked past. When I talked, she was fully, entirely facing me. I’d feel something and immediately talk myself out of it. Like, this is your brother’s wife. This is your brother’s wife. I said it to myself like a prayer.

But the feelings were growing with or without my permission.

You’ll Love: I Left a Safe Marriage with a Man for a Woman Living a Double Life

What happened?

We’d gone out, just the two of us, Idris had something work-related, and we ended up back at the house late. We’d had drinks, we were laughing about something, the whole energy was loose and warm, and then we were just… closer than we’d been before. And she kissed me. Or I kissed her. Honestly, I couldn’t tell who moved first, and I’ve thought about it many times. But it happened. It was one of those things where she was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

And then I remembered where I was. Who I was in that house. I pulled away and went to my room and sat on the floor, and just breathed. My heart was going crazy.

What were you feeling?

Pure chaos. There was no version of that moment that was okay. She was married to my brother. My brother, who opened his home to me. I also, and this is the part I hadn’t really sat with, I’d never been with a woman before. I’d never really let myself think about it. So now I’m dealing with both things at the same time. What just happened, and what does this mean about me? It was a lot to be on the floor at midnight.

Had you ever had feelings for a woman before?

I think… yes? In the vague, unexamined way, where you notice someone and don’t interrogate the noticing. I went to a girls’ boarding school, and there were crushes that I filed away as “close friendships” in my head. I liked boys, too. I dated boys, so I just never really pushed on it. Nigeria, you know. You don’t push on things you don’t have to push on.

After that night, what happened between you two?

We avoided each other. She seemed to want to pretend it didn’t happen as much as I did, and that helped, briefly. But then Idris planned a whole family Sunday outing, his idea, obviously, and suddenly we’re in public together, sitting next to each other, and she looks at me and just… the whole thing comes back. We started talking again that day. And she told me, directly, plainly, that she was gay.

How did she explain being married to your brother?

She said Idris was a good man. That she loved him, genuinely, just not in that way. In Nigeria, you find a good man, and you build something safe. She wasn’t the first person to make that calculation, and she knew it. He knew it, too, she said, and they had an arrangement she didn’t get into too much detail about, but the word she used was ” an understanding.” She said she’d never acted on anything since they got married. That was the first time in ten years that she’d felt something she couldn’t manage from a distance.

That’s a lot of information to receive.

It really was. I sat with it for weeks. I wasn’t naive; I knew marriages like hers existed, I’d heard of them. But to be in it, to be the one being told this by my brother’s wife in his house while he’s inside cooking, it was surreal. And I was still trying to figure out my own feelings about women, about her, about what I actually wanted. I kept going back and forth. Days when I avoided her completely. Days when I’d find a reason to knock on the main house just to see her.

What happened next?

We…started an affair months after that first kiss. I resisted for longer than people probably expect. Not out of indifference, but because I could see clearly what it would cost. I knew what I was standing in front of. Eventually, I stopped fighting it. We continued our secret relationship for years.

What did those years actually look like?

Normal, on the surface. That’s the part that’s hard to explain. We had inside jokes. We’d cook together sometimes when Idris was travelling. She started telling me more about Germany, not just the country but how she’d grown up, what she missed about it, what she didn’t. There were days it felt like the most natural thing in the world, and then Idris would walk into a room, and that thing would crash back down on me. Guilt is like an unwanted companion that never fucking leaves. You almost get used to carrying it, and then something reminds you of its weight, and you feel it all over again.

For how long did it go on?

Two and a half years, almost three. And this was all in his house. I want to be clear about that because I don’t think I should dress it up. It was in his house, under his roof, while he was doing nothing but being good to both of us. That’s the part that stays with me.

If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, fill this form.

Did Idris really have no idea?

He noticed something had changed between us, in that we were suddenly close, but he read it as the thing he’d wanted: his wife and his sister finally bonding. It made him happy. That made it worse, you know. He was actively grateful that we were getting along. I’d catch him looking pleased, and I’d want to disappear into the floor.

Did he eventually find out?

Yes.

How?

My sister, Zainab. She came to visit once, not a long trip, just passing through Lagos, and she saw us in a moment. Nothing explicit, but she knew. My sister has always been perceptive. She didn’t say anything to me in front of Atinuke; she just went quiet. Later, she found me alone and told me I needed to end it immediately. That she would not watch me destroy Idris’s life. I didn’t listen. I should have listened.

I think she debated it for a while before she told him. But eventually she told him.

What happened when he found out?

I don’t want to be dramatic, but it was the worst day of my life. Idris is not a shouting person. He’s measured, always. So there was no big explosion. It was quieter and worse than that. He looked at me like I was someone he didn’t know. He didn’t want to believe it at first; there was a whole lot of denial, but he knew his wife’s sexual orientation, and when he looked at me, I could not lie. I saw his heart break. It was like he was looking at a stranger who had been wearing my face. That image hasn’t left me.

He asked me to leave the house that same day. I went to a hotel. Atinuke and I didn’t speak for months after that. She and Idris separated and then eventually divorced. Zainab stopped answering my calls. I went back to Abuja and just…floated for a while.

Tell me more about that period. The fallout.

I was so alone. Not just loneliness, I’ve been lonely before, but like something structural had been removed. Idris had been the person I called for everything, big and small, my whole life. And now I couldn’t call him. Zainab had made her choice clear. Friends knew something had happened, but not what, because how do you explain that? The family house in Abuja suddenly felt like a place I was haunting rather than living in. I’d walk through it and just feel the absence of everyone who was supposed to be in my life.

I wasn’t eating well. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was going to work and coming home and sitting in silence, and trying to figure out who I even was outside of this thing I’d done and the people I’d lost. There was also, underneath all of it, still this question about myself that I hadn’t fully answered. Who I was, what I wanted, whether any of it had been real or just a terrible mistake. I was 31 and besides savings, starting from nothing in a way I hadn’t been since my parents died.

That must have felt impossible to deal with. I am sorry.

Thank you.

What happened next? Did things change?

Yes. Maybe 9/10ish months later, Atinuke called me. I didn’t pick up the first time, or the second. The third time I did, and we just sat on the phone in silence for a while before either of us said anything. After that, we started talking regularly, mostly late at night when we’d both given up on sleeping. She was in Germany by then, back with her family there. We talked for months like that before we saw each other in person. She came back to Nigeria for something, family business on her Yoruba side, and we met. That was the first time I’d seen her since everything fell apart. We sat in a restaurant for four hours. I think we both knew by the end of it. She was meant for me and I for her.

And your family?

They’re not talking to me. Idris, Zainab and the extended people who found out. None of them. It’s been three years. I still send Idris messages sometimes. Not asking for forgiveness exactly, I think I’ve accepted that’s not something I get to ask for on my own timeline, if ever. More, just keeping the line open from my end. Letting him know I’m still his sister, even if he’s not ready to let me be. He never replies. I don’t even know if he reads them. Someone told me recently that he’s been spending a lot of time in Dubai and that he has a friend there he’s very close to. I don’t ask too many questions. I just hope he’s okay. I hope he’s happy, actually happy, in whatever way works for him.

Do you regret it?

I regret how it happened completely. I regret the betrayal, I regret the years I spent in that house, lying by omission to a man who only ever loved me. I don’t think I regret her or what we have now. And those two things live together in me very uncomfortably.

What do you want people to take from this?

I’m not sure I want anything specific. I’m not here to be a cautionary tale, and I’m not here to be defended either. I just wanted to say it out loud and in full. Because I’ve been carrying it quietly for a long time, and quiet was starting to feel like its own kind of lie.

You’ll Enjoy: 5 Nigerian Women Talk About Learning Their Bodies

*Names have been changed.

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: hertitude.zikoko.com

GridLocked is a daily pop culture guessing game built for Nigerians. Every weekday by 9am, you’ll get six clues, sixty seconds, and an answer only a Nigerian would know.

Today’s GridLocked is a company.

How many clues do you need to get it right? 👀

Share your result when done, but don’t spoil the answer for others. (Missed yesterday’s GridLocked? Play it here.)

11 March 2026

PLAY NEXT GRID: Can You Guess The Album? (12 March 2026)

Come back every weekday by 9am for a new grid or subscribe to Z Daily, Zikoko’s daily newsletter, to get new GridLocked puzzles, real Nigerian stories and other fun content in your inbox.

How to Play GridLocked

The Goal: Guess the answer for the day before time runs out. (The answer could be a Nigerian person, place, song, movie, or even slang.)
The Lock: You cannot type a guess until you have revealed at least one tile (clue).
The Reveal: Tap any tile to reveal a clue. Every clue describes the answer for the day. The fewer tiles you flip, the better.
The Clock: You have 60 seconds to guess right. The timer starts the moment you flip your first tile. (You get multiple guesses.)

The GridLocked Squares: What Do They Mean?

When the game ends, you see your guess count, total time spent, and the number of tiles flipped. The tiles are shown as white and purple squares.

⬜ (White) = A tile you flipped
🟪 (Purple) = A tile you left closed

The fewer white tiles you have, the better your result.

Best Result = ⬜🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 | Guesses: 1 (Only needed one clue and one guess to get it right)

How long have you been with your partner?

Tell me more about how you met

Why didn’t you consider her?

Interesting. What was Sola’s financial situation like when you got together?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

Do you mean your stepdaughter didn’t always live with you both?

Why were you against the idea?

That’s an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

How do you both run your home’s finances?

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

Do you both have financial safety nets?

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

When did you first realise the importance of money?

Tell me more

What was the first thing you did to earn money?

How did you go about this?

I’m screaming. How much did you make from that first gig?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

Uh oh. What happened?

Did you accept?

Get it! What did he say?

Not bad for a student. What were your spending habits like?

Love to see it

Wasn’t that a lot to juggle? Also, you haven’t mentioned school in a while.

I’m curious, how did your mum react to that?

Do you think it was worth it to drop out so close to the finish line, though?

What does your monthly income look like these days?

Those are big dreams. Let’s talk about the life your income affords you right now

Walk me through what your monthly budget looks like

How about your investment portfolio?

How would you describe your relationship with money?

Is there an ideal amount of money you think you should be earning?

Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?

How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

Curious, do you sometimes wish you’d completed school?

Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

What inspired you to leave?

How did you afford the move?

What was it like when you arrived in the US?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

What were some of these shocks?

What was the settling-in process like socially?

How did you find education in the US compared to Nigeria?

What is your support system like in the US?

Have you visited Nigeria since you left?

Do you see the US as a long-term plan, or do you intend to return to Nigeria?

Do you like the city you live in?

You’re in the US Navy?

What made you choose to join the Navy?

Interesting. So you’re a US citizen now?

Did you have any longer-term plans when you left Nigeria for the US?

There has been a lot of anti-immigrant talk in the US recently. Does that make you uncomfortable?

Have you felt discriminated against due to your race or nationality?

What has been your worst experience in the US?

What has been your best experience?

On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in the US?

Title

How To Play

How to Play GridLocked

The GridLocked Squares: What Do They Mean?

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Right. What happened during that walk?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

Did you reach out immediately, Sunkanmi?

When did he reach out?

Right. What was that first session like?

At what point did things move from being just professional?

I see. So when did things become official between you?

Sweet. Tell me about the early days of your relationship.

What happened?

Hmmm.

Did you confront him, Ife?

How did you guys resolve the fight?

Right. Has that issue caused any more problems in your relationship?

Curious, Sunkanmi. How exactly are you working through it?

Do you still enjoy working together, or has the tension in the relationship affected the business?

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

“Obeying my mum’s instruction saved me from cultists” — Joshua*, M, 26